Because sometimes posters need their unreasonableness pointed out to them in blunt terms because they’re the type of poster who rarely if ever believes they’re in the wrong!
There’s a trope on Aibu definitely
Op : aibu
Majority if not all posters : yes (but said fairly gently/kindly initially)
Op : figuratively stamps their feet and puts fingers in ears going “la la la I’m not listening” and argues they’re absolutely NOT bu
Majority if not all posters : get frustrated/irritated and post more bluntly!
Op : flounces!
Some are more open to criticism, but don’t “get it” unless it’s very obvious.
The phrases you quoted to my mind are pretty soft compared to what could be said depending on the issue being posted, some ops are pretty horrible people too!
Also, depending on the issue being posted, it may be a case of “cruel to be kind”, eg there’s loads of mil threads posted and many of them the mil is indeed bu but sometimes it’s the dil posting who is being ridiculous eg refusing to let mil see new grandchild for weeks/months but letting their family have unrestricted access, or getting het up about really very trivial things like disagreeing how a cuppa should be made or similar.
It’s not good for someone to go through life expecting everyone to accommodate their wishes and not compromising, and sometimes posters need this pointed out.
I disagree with the phrase “if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing” as it feeds into the ridiculous idea we shouldn’t disagree with people and particularly as women should always be “nice” which 9/10 means sacrificing our own needs to a mans!
I genuinely think that some people who complain about unpleasantness on Mn must live in some kind of 'You go, hun!' echo chamber in their actual lives. yes I’d agree with that. Some seem very sensitive and unable to cope with people robustly disagreeing with them.
Me I love a good passionate debate and my friends and family are similar, there are many things we disagree on but we’re able to discuss them and even disagree without people claiming hurt feelings simply as someone has disagreed with them.
That ranges from fairly jovial banter on how to make the perfect cuppa (dd is the worst you’re lucky if the teabag is in the water more than 2 seconds!! I blame her father who is similarly wrong 😂) to more serious issues like my being veggie and politics.
I have friends and family who are meat farmers, go hunting and fishing, vote Tory, are brexiters etc but we’re able to discuss these issues without taking offence.
But I’ve certainly come across a few people who get very offended just if people disagree with them! They THINK they’re “nice people” when actually they just want and think everyone should agree with them! It’s fake “niceness” and I don’t trust people like that any further than I can throw them!
And frankly to be honest mn is a LOT tamer than many other boards! I’m on several and the way things are worded here are positively flowery in comparison!
I find the nitpicking annoying! I’m an English grad myself but don’t see the point in bitching about spag to a poster who is clearly really worried about a far more serious issue. Ditto picking apart chosen language like “hubby” or “hun” ok it’s a running joke that those aren’t the words used on mn and are indicative of another similar site which is considered to be gentler and “nicer” but again unless the poster is particularly discussing those terms or the issue they’re posting about isn’t a serious one I don’t think it’s helpful or pertinent to jump on that.
I suspect I may be considered by some to be one of the “nasty” posters but I don’t think I am, I try to give considered if robust responses and I aim to avoid getting personal though have to my shame fallen for people goading me on occasion.
I’ve certainly been the target of certain nasty posters to the point of them “following” me around the site and I’ve reported them and mnhq dealt with them - I don’t always agree with mnhq’s decisions, I think they seriously need to improve regarding the prejudice towards the mentally ill/mental illness on the site, but generally they do a good job and posters who are just nasty for the sake of it do get deleted and even banned.
Male dominated forums have just as much argument, but less personal insults from what I've noticed. complete opposite to what I’ve noticed! What Male dominated forums have you been on?!
If as a couple of ops have suggested you’re still quite young op (22?) then perhaps there’s a maturity/resilience issue at play?
I was raised to be fairly “tough” but yes at that age I still found it quite a challenge in certain circumstances.
But life taught me that wasn’t serving me well and I toughened up further. Indeed being “nice” in certain situations made them worse than they needed to be! And made me a target for bullies to be honest.