AIBU to think how men have got away with this for far to long

[Alex50]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-53064741

Why don’t they pay for their children and think it’s ok?

Feckless father alert. You’d rather spunk money on court fees than provide for your children.

I think this is a bit unfair...so often on here where a parent talks of being denied access to their children, the first question is whether they have gone to court. This guy has done that & is being told he shouldn't have!

It's quite widely known that UK courts default to the mother as primary care giver.

Twenty years ago yes, but not now. The default is joint custody now.

Some men are twats

Awww, but not you, eh fella.

theoldtrout good for you in not letting him get away with it! What a bastard.

This is what I remember from when I lived in the US, they are really ruthless about getting that child support money from deadbeats.

Sorry first part was to @ProfessorSlocombe

Take the driver licence, take the passport and then put them in prison. They can work it off there and the money goes to the mother and kids.

Just like children, some of these men need harsh consequences to do as they're told - and as they minimally bloody should.

I know you can’t, but what you said is that people won’t go for it.

By which I meant, you will never get a political party to make it a policy and get elected and pass the necessary legislation in parliament.

By all means, prove me wrong. But until it happens, I am 100% right. I'll check back in ... 35 years.

If it was really in the child's best interests and if the children were REALLY saying they want more time with you to cafcass then you would get that - yeah because we all know how great CAFCASS is don't we. Hands up how many mums posting on here now have had run ins with them!

I buy all their school uniforms, pay for school trips and activities, buy clothes (as she regularly sends them in filthy clothes that don’t fit, pay for all their haircuts as otherwise they would never get done, pay for their phones, and recently just purchased them each a laptop to help with home schooling and fees them the only decent meals they get all week when they are with me.

But before you said that you didn't have any money to pay. Now you're saying that you spend plenty, which makes it even clearer why you're not paying maintenance - because you don't want the money to go to the mother. Do you think she would prefer a regular payment towards living costs, or a one-off laptop?

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland.

The reason for any preferred consideration from courts towards the mother is due to attachment with the primary carer. It's women who carry children for 9 months and this is when attachment to the mother is formed.

There's no getting around this one really is there?
Best interest of the child and all that.

If only there was as much stigma and bullying in the media regarding parents that don’t pay their child maintenance as there was around single parents and the disabled.

Good on these women, I am fully supporting their case and will keep a close eye on the proceedings.

My first fiancé was a violent twat and he left the country to avoid paying for DD1 ... I did what I need to

My exH and I do have a 50/50 custody and expenses (childcare/hobbies etc.) for DD2 split. There is no spousal maintenance.

That's because I learned that I had to keep my career, I saw how easily I had been left to raise DD1 alone. I was never going to have another child and be in that position again. This is the choice we have to make as mothers, all because it's too frequent that men don't pay for their kids

If it was really in the child's best interests and if the children were REALLY saying they want more time with you to cafcass then you would get that ”

They did, that was their recommendation

The Mums “government funded” lawyer, tore the social workers and everyone else involved apart in court for not following due process and quoted all sorts of case history to get their opinion overturned. My kids are devestated, the social workers involved are devestated. I don’t have the luxury of legal aid and wasn’t in a position to fairly defend myself as at some hearings I was self representing and at others I could only afford minimal legal input.

Let’s just agree all men are feckless twats and we all deserve what we get and no mums ever play the system ever and be done with it.

Social workers words to me “as soon as that boy is old enough he will walk out on her and come to love with you”

But you lot believe what you want

• But before you said that you didn't have any money to pay. Now you're saying that you spend plenty, which makes it even clearer why you're not paying maintenance - because you don't want the money to go to the mother. Do you think she would prefer a regular payment towards living costs, or a one-off laptop?” Ever heard of credit cards? I am putting myself deeper and deeper into debt to try and do the best I can for my kids

So givenupnow is happy to pay for laptops but not day to day living costs?

It’s all about control and grandstanding, that much is obvious.

What I don’t understand is why some people get the full force of CMS with very little persuasion from the RP and others seem to get missed totally and go unchecked?

My DHs ex decided she could get more than the amount they had agreed years previously by going through CMS so without any discussion she went through CMS and my DH got a letter with a new amount within days.

The shared care wasn’t accurate and CMS said DH would have to go to court, which wasn’t worth the expense and then a year or so in, ex rang CMSd to say a payment was late, which it was by less than a day (it was a bank holiday and so was the bank not DH) and they started the process of an earnings attachment order. DH had evidence that every payment had left his account on time and on this occasion sent a manual payment when ex told him it hadn’t arrived and so paid twice that month.

The response for DH seemed quite heavy handed and disproportionate, but then I hear of other RP’s who aren’t getting anything.

Is it just who you speak to on the phone? Are there different branches?

If only there was as much stigma and bullying in the media regarding parents that don’t pay their child maintenance as there was around single parents and the disabled.

Can you imagine how a "Sun" campaign along those lines would go down with it's readership ?

she regularly sends them in filthy clothes that don’t fit, pay for all their haircuts as otherwise they would never get done, pay for their phones, and recently just purchased them each a laptop to help with home schooling and fees them the only decent meals they get all week when they are with me

Taking this on face value, she is extremely unusual going by what you say. I don't know any women who don't feed their DC a decent meal or dress them appropriately

Social workers words to me “as soon as that boy is old enough he will walk out on her and come to love with you”

That's great, I'm really pleased for you. Until that day, pay your child maintenance.

Taking this on face value, she is extremely unusual going by what you say. I don't know any women who don't feed their DC a decent meal or dress them appropriately

Really? You don’t know any children who suffer neglect?

aking this on face value, she is extremely unusual going by what you say. I don't know any women who don't feed their DC a decent meal or dress them appropriately

I don’t know any murderers. I know they exist though.

You must realise what a stupid comment that is? The kids never see a fruit or vegetable at her house and their personal hygiene is appalling.

Anyway. You clearly know my situation better than I do

@formerbabe but I know many parents who wont allow clothes going between each house as the other parent didnt pay for the clothes but if paying Child Maintenance they did.

Parents need to put their children first

Really? You don’t know any children who suffer neglect?

No I don't...I know they exist but me personally, no I don't. If I had friends or relatives who I believed were neglecting their DC, I would report them.

Anyway. You clearly know my situation better than I do

Quite a passive aggressive response to my comment which described your exes behaviour as unusual.

Interesting

What I don’t understand is why some people get the full force of CMS with very little persuasion from the RP and others seem to get missed totally and go unchecked?

Variable experiences with all forms of officialdom is hardly unusual. Especially in the UK. Easiest way to fix it would be to ensure CMS wages are paid out of the money they extract from the NRP. But that would involve the wrong sort of public-private initiative.