AIBU to think how men have got away with this for far to long

[Alex50]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-53064741

Why don’t they pay for their children and think it’s ok?

Https://bewaremysting.com - the writer of this blog is a friend of a friend. She's now losing the family home as her ex has reneged on their cms agreement time and again.
He's a middle class bloke earning a six figure salary - I just despair at the men who think it's ok to put their kids through experiences like this.

I just despair at the men who think it's ok to put their kids through experiences like this.

and the society that endorses it.

Hmm link seems to be fuzzy bewaremysting.com

@ProfessorSlocombe agreed!

@GrimDamnFanjo (amazing username BTW)

Your friends ex sounds like a total bastard. I wish we could name and shame these dicks on the national news.

[quote startrek90]@GrimDamnFanjo (amazing username BTW)

Your friends ex sounds like a total bastard. I wish we could name and shame these dicks on the national news.[/quote]
To see how many men (and women) go Legend ! ?

She's amazing and he is a total shit - the scary thing is these bastards walk amongst us.
If you met him you'd not know that he's doing all this. He has a great job with a lot of prestige - and his colleagues must know the situation.
I don't understand why any parent would seek to punish their kids by withholding money for their care.

Thanks for the username love - usually only old video game fans get it!

When I split form my ex I had to go on DHSS (back in the 2000's). CSA said he had to pay me £550.00 a month. Because i was on DHSS the CSA didn't bother chasing him for the money they actually told me this). The DHSS paid the interest only on my mortgage. My ex was a copper and left the police force on health grounds and ran off to Thailand. I went to college to do an Access Coarse and then onto Nurse training. At this point I was on a bursary so I applied to the CSA for my children only to be told as he was no longer resident in this country. I explained that his Police pension was being paid by the British government! So they reassessed him and said he should pay £168.00 a month, then reassessed him again and said it would be £28.00 a month for both of our sons. I got this paltry sum for one whole year! After that I kept getting letters form the DHSS for a couple of years saying how much more money they had taken from him payable to the government but not to me. I think they were reclaiming all the interest they had paid on my mortgage!

@ToftyAC

My DPs ex wife doesn’t live on fresh air. She has a very rich husband. Also, she stopped visitation before we stopped paying CM. He’s been a SAHD because it’s helped him get better after his breakdown. He’s ready to go back to work now our own son has started school, but hey! The labour market isn’t great. He’s be happy to start paying CM, but against a court order we don’t know how to even get in contact with them, because we haven’t been told where they live, so get off your high horse.... especially when he couldn’t afford to pay CM and do I did it for him. Things are not always that black & white.

So now he he’s fulfilled his usefulness as your proxy for preschool care he is now recovered and available to the labour market. How much has he saved you in childcare fees ?

He’s not fulfilled my requirement for free preschool care. There have been weeks, sometimes months on end when he’s been in hospital due to his breakdown, so how fucking dare you. Especially as I ended up paying a shit ton of childcare fees, on top of my own CM commitments. Some men are bastards. I know. My own father was one. But not every situation is black and white. What about all the days I couldn’t get childcare because he couldn’t cope so I had to take unpaid leave (a lot of that whilst I was still paying his CM). Because of his health he wasn’t able to hold down a job sometimes. Don’t presume everyone is a deadbeat because they can’t pay.... not won’t pay. And like I say, he’d always paid a lot of money because he earned well until he had a breakdown because of severe PTSD. So stick your bloody judgment.

Why was your DH not entitled to sick benefits such as esa etc or dla if he was too sick to work?
Contributions based benefits.
This would have allowed him to pay some towards his child.
It's neither here nor there if his ex has a rich husband nor stopped access the responsibility to pay still exists

He could easily do right - by paying maintenance for the children he helped create.

See, I had actually given up one this thread - as I a just a "deadbeat" father .

Try reading al my posts and then comment again. The system is awful, sometimes in Mums favour and sometime in deadbeat fathers favour.

Anyway - Just a bloke trying to do the best for his KIDS, not their mum who destroyed our family solely to try and financially benefit and nearly killed me in the process.

Thanks to those of you who have sent PMs but who aren't crave enough to post their agreement with me on here due to the massive bias towards mums and women in general.

I already paid his min payments for years when he was on low income

he’d always paid a lot of money because he earned well until he had a breakdown

And her rich husband is somehow relevant but your income isn’t? You’re full of contradictions

I imagine she’s relieved to have moved on from financial dependence on your husband.

No he wasn’t entitled to ESA because he’d been self employed, but on a small earnings exemption for a few years and I earned too much, hence me paying his CM. Then I changed jobs and got pregnant so was only entitled to the lower maternity pay. We didn’t have a pot to piss ion for a long time, then his MH issues kicked in. By the time we were not a better position financially she’d buggered off and we still don’t know where they are, even after a legal agreement after my DP agreed to a legal change of name to her new husband’s surname. My DP is desperate to get back to a normal life and he hasn’t seen DS1 in 6 years. He’d give anything to see him, but as I said life isn’t always that simple. And although I’d be willing to pay if it helped his cause, I’m already making sure my eldest is taken care of and our own son together is taken care of. Until DP can work why should a child I’ve only met 3 times be maintained by me, when DP just can’t.

I'm glad to hear you husband is on the mend and things are looking up for you.
Your situation is not the norm however.
Very sad that he can't track him down and hope that he can find him soon

BusDriver my food bill is about £20 Pw I'd it's just me. If its me plus kids as it is about 46 weeks a year, it's £60-70. See the difference there?

Givenupno I've read all your posts. You should be paying maintenance.

P.S. fanlore.org/wiki/The_Lurkers_Support_Me_in_Email#:~:text=The%20Lurkers%20Support%20Me%20in%20Email%20is%20an%20argument%20sometimes,that%20support%20in%20private%20email.

the massive bias towards mums and women in general. Erm men have had it better than women since the dawn of time.

These threads are always hijacked by one or two people whose cases don’t apply to the generalisation that most of the people dodging maintenance are men.

Why not just pass by? There are always cases that are exceptions to the rule

Generally though it’s socially acceptable for men to avoid paying, generally CMS assist this by being shite and that’s because MP’s generally don’t give a shit about single mothers or children

The fact that a small number of people have genuine reasons or psycho exes is no more relevant than the fact one or two MP’s do care. The bigger picture is what most children with non paying father’s face

It truly is shameful. I wish society would stand up about this and really give it the attention it deserves and sort it out once and for all.

I think a close second to deadbeat who pay nothing is the cms itself though. A) it doesn't use the powers it has B) the level of maintenance set is rarely a fair % of what the children cost so even if they do pay cms the nrp is still not shouldering their fair share.

@HugeAckmansWife

I think a close second to deadbeat who pay nothing is the cms itself though. A) it doesn't use the powers it has B) the level of maintenance set is rarely a fair % of what the children cost so even if they do pay cms the nrp is still not shouldering their fair share.

Neither of those things is actually down to CMS

This is a government issue. And not just this government. Successive ones.

They don’t push CMS to use their powers and they set the %

is the CMS itself
It purports to be there to solve the problem, but in actuality it is there to make the problem worse....or at least block the solving of the problem🤔

This is a government issue
the cms is an instrument of the government and it seems the government uses it not to solve the problem but rather to pretend it is solving the problem🤔

@B1rdbra1n

This is a government issue the cms is an instrument of the government and it seems the government uses it not to solve the problem but rather to pretend it is solving the problem🤔

They don’t even pretend that hard

It used to be that only the first £20 of maintenance went to the RP if they were on benefits

The rest was owed to the Secretary of State as a kind of payment toward those benefits. When the amount of money owed started to look bad they had two choices - start chasing these men properly or change the system

They changed the system and now people can keep it all. Assuming they actually fucking get any

That also played nicely into the new trope of the feckless single Mum on benefits, with multiple kids, getting thousands a month in maintenance. That assisted with the recent attacks on the benefits system by the current government