AIBU to think how men have got away with this for far to long

[Alex50]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-53064741

Why don’t they pay for their children and think it’s ok?

I do agree both parents should pay.

But the few people I know in situations chasing deadbeat non resident parents for money, the non resident parent (ok, they are admittedly all men in this instance) isn't paying because they are utter losers without a bean to rub together.

I've also got NO sympathy for one friend who already had two children with one father not paying, proceeded to have two more with a second utter waste of space. He wasn't working even when she was with him, so how she expected him ever to support his children I do not know!

It should all be linked into the tax system and chased alongside evaded tax etc.

@Givenupno your ex is 'mad' is she? It's so strange isn't it, the amount of men who have a 'mad' ex partner? Especially ones who spends all of their money on getting their nails done. There's some kind of epidemic of mad women with perfect nails who don't deserve child maintenance from their poor ex partners

there are a fair amount of deadbeat Mum's too

There really isn't @ncforsafety

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Clearly some mothers make stupid decision as do some people in any group you might come up with. But the children shouldn’t suffer through non payment as a result. More reason to make sure the other parent at least pays really.

You’re free to have no sympathy with the Mum - or anyone you like - but the money should still be paid.

• How about instead of prioritising what you want, you pay your CM instead of constantly taking her to court for access”

You seem to have missed the part of my post where I say it’s what the children want, in fact my Son in particular wants to live with me full time.

She keeps taking me to court to try and stop all contact, hence me incurring huge costs to try and do what the children want

I agree child support should be treated like any other debt and payment should be more strictly enforced.

Regardless of what has gone on between the parents, who said what or did what, who thinks they're in the right and who is in the wrong, none of that is relevant to the children and none of it is their fault but withholding child support as a result sure as shit punishes them for it. Priority one - pay for your kids.

NYCDreaming mad women with perfect nails 😂

Side note, a record of 14 posts before the “what about deadbeat mums” appear!

What an achievement

You seem to have missed the part of my post where I say it’s what the children want, in fact my Son in particular wants to live with me full time.

She keeps taking me to court to try and stop all contact, hence me incurring huge costs to try and do what the children want

You should still be paying child support.

It's so strange isn't it, the amount of men who have a 'mad' ex partner?

I find that you can tell a great deal about a man in the way that he talks about his ex-partner.

Giveupnow hasnt actually said he isnt paying?

Not a reason not to pay, but I think its inexcusable not to give 50/50 contact if it's what the parent & children want. I think theres a trend on mn of assuming this is a bid to avoid paying maintenance but of course it cant be, because if you have the children half the time, you are paying a fair share.

It’s not just down to these men. It’s a culture thing. The well being of children is not a priority in general for the U.K. just look at the whingers objecting to FSM being extended over the summer. Look how poorly funded schools are, look at the provision for children with SN. Look at the way child sexual abuse, exploitation etc is hushed up and brushed under the carpet.

I would happily pay 50% of everything if my mad ex would let the kids live here half the time like they both want to. But she won’t, and keeps prioritising her wants over theirs so every penny I have and more has gone on fighting her constant lies in court.

Except he did. He would happily pay if he had more access but as his ex won't give it he spends his money on court cases instead.

Stannis

I agree with you on that. If the money is there it must be paid.

Not sure what the answer is when people have kids & simply have no money, tho.

Mumsnet are supporting this. Justine is quoted on the press release from Gingerbread who are helping to bring this action. Nice to see them adding their name to this. Should it be a sticky ?

@Givenupno providing for your child's material needs should come before anything else, let alone your litigation costs against the child's mother. The judge probably won't be impressed either.

Not sure what the answer is when people have kids & simply have no money

What do you mean 'no money'? If someone is completely destitute living on the streets then no one would expect them to pay child support. If a man receives some form of income to live, then a percentage of that needs to be paid towards his children.

@Givenupno

I would happily pay 50% of everything if my mad ex would let the kids live here half the time like they both want to.

But she won’t, and keeps prioritising her wants over theirs so every penny I have and more has gone on fighting her constant lies in court.

End result is I am too ill to work due to the stress and in massive debt because I am trying to achieve the result my children WANT.

Some men are twats and walk away from their kids and should pay their way.

Not all cases are equal, although she loves to tell everyone how I don’t contribute and how they need second hand clothes and the food bank while she leaves them with other people every weekend so she can comfort our with new hair, new nails, eat in restaurants, get pissed and spend £40 on a taxi home.

Two sides to every story

Are you playing single mother bingo with yourself? You don’t pay anything for your children yet still are bashing their mother for having a life?

I agree with the American system for Child Maintenance, especially the NY version where the higher earner still pays even if there is 50/50 care.

If the money is not there - the parent has none at all - then the situation is pretty bad.

Nearly everyone has SOME money, eg NRPs getting benefits should pay a percentage of this, just as the RP uses any benefits if they are receiving them to pay for their kids.

I agree with those who say it should be a priority above other debts and should be enforceable through the courts.

The system has never been fit for purpose.

I split with my the father of my two eldest children during the first trimester of the second pregnancy. When she was born I received a letter to advise that my maintenance payments would be reduced. This was because he had capital raised against his house to go on holiday and buy a car so his housing costs increased. He neglected to tell them that he had now a second child so I did and they went back up slightly.
Although he had a relatively secure job he still accumulated arrears which ended up written off.

It is much harder to receive anything if the non resident parent is self employed too. There needs to be a system overhaul where the child is paramount and penalties are fully enforced.

@dontdisturbmenow. You are amazing.

How amazing is it that these genuinely nice men always seem to procreate with mad women.

Poor sods

My ex paid not a penny for my sons entire childhood, he said he didn't trust me to spend the money on my son and he wasn't funding my "lifestyle". I had no lifestyle, I had to work 2 jobs to pay all the bills and did bank nights on the run up to xmas, birthdays to be able to afford gifts, new clothes etc.
To this day he cannot understand why my son doesn't want to know him, says it's me poisoning his mind. My son is 36 now and knows his own mind.
The CMS was as pathetic then as they are now and yes it should be pursued and collected like a bad debt.

I agree child support should be treated like any other debt and payment should be more strictly enforced.

The problem there is the men - and the women who like their money - simply won't go for it. Why do you think we have the system we have ?

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Giveupnow hasnt actually said he isnt paying?

Not a reason not to pay, but I think its inexcusable not to give 50/50 contact if it's what the parent & children want. I think theres a trend on mn of assuming this is a bid to avoid paying maintenance but of course it cant be, because if you have the children half the time, you are paying a fair share.

That isn’t technically true. Several of the threads on here and my own experience (through friends admittedly) the dads refuse to buy clothes or other necessities (School trips, lunch boxes etc) for the children so all of the costs of bringing up the children were on the mother of the children. I have seen the opposite as well although less frequently, where he had his DS 60/40, still paid maintenance and provided everything for his son. He preferred to pay the maintenance rather than argue as he was worried she’d restrict the amount of time he had with his DS.

I'm actually getting my CMS paid now - all the kids have left home! We split when the youngest was two - she's 24 now, and he still has to pay me until the debt is cleared.

Which is nice. So there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it's fuck all use when you're scratching about looking for money to buy school uniforms and shoes!