MIL is pressuring me

[nextnamex]

hi,

this has been going on for some weeks now but has particularly peaked in the last few days. she is desperate to hold my baby. I do get it, this has been a shit time all round for relatives of children, missing out on milestones etc. but I'm starting to get irritated. every picture I put up a comment appears soon after "I NEED cuddles, baby is getting too old, it's not fair :( "

yesterday, partner contacts me during the day saying he thinks we should let MIL hold and hug our baby and she has been "going on about it" for a while and she has asked him to speak to me. for context, I wont say which just in case its outing, but she works somewhere where COVID has been prevalent (think care home/hospital). tbh, it's not even so much that I'm overly worried about that risk at present, although it does make me feel a bit anxious, but I'm so annoyed that I am having this pressure? I dont do well with feeling like I'm being forced- it makes me not want to do it. I also said to my partner where do you draw the line? because if you allow MIL you then have to allow my parents. I know his sister has also hinted at "working on me and my partner if we let MIL". I just think it's out of order, my own parents have said they will wait until we all think its appropriate, however as childish as it is I dont see why MIL gets to but my family dont. for context, MIL lives with multiple others so is not a single person household (she told me the other day guidelines had changed and grandparents and other close relatives were allowed to have physical contact)

this is more about the pressure being applied and the guilt tripping more than anything,

AIBU to tell my MIL to essentially piss off?

Having a test done only means you didn’t have it on the day you were tested.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-53169618
the last sentence on this article is handy - 'we don't yet have sufficient evidence on accuracy and interpretation of antibody tests'

Tell her to do one, selfish doesn't even start to cover it. Don't be bullied, stick to your guns.

Your MIL is displaying selfish and manipulative behaviour, and total lack of respect towards you and your opinions.
But the main issue here is the safety and health of your baby.
Keep it objective if you can

1. You are following the rules as supported by scientists and medical professionals. “Cuddles” between households is not social distancing.
2. The antibody test is not helpful in this situation because it is not 100% reliable and even if it shows that MIL has had COVID it is not yet known if this means she cannot catch it again. The virus can also exist on hands/clothing etc even if a person who has had COVID.

Do not be bullied into putting your precious baby at risk.

Sorry but she has to respect your wishes full stop. Your protecting your child ask her what she would do if it was her, deep down she understands she just wants her way. When you give in to this then the cycle never stops. Yes it’s sad but what would be sadder is if anything happens or your baby catches anything. Protecting your family comes first and she should understand that!

How are you getting on OP? X

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

This pushy grandparents thing seems to be a very common complaint these days. I'm curious as to whether this is a boomer/Gen X issue or whether it was ever thus.

There's something quite childlike in all this, as illustrated by the 'I need' refrain as detailed by OP. The needs of the child don't get a mention. For an adult to expect their 'need' should trump a baby's is bad. But far worse is the assumption that it's the job of a tiny baby to respond to the needs of a grown adult.

Nix it, OP. I don't think it will do this grandmother any harm at all to hear these facts pointed out.

Pushy Grandparents were always a thing. Their wishes were always obeyed by the parents due to respecting your elders and being family. Now these parents are becoming grandparents and expect to have everything they were forced to give up and Gen Xers and other later generations have the voice to tell them to get bent and they are resentful.

How many times have their been threads that the Grandparents expect their adult children to travel to them for Christmas and get upset that their children don't want too and want to start their own traditions at home. It's always but we did it when you were small... Too many grandparents gave up their own firsts special occasions with their children because of that is what was expected and now they demand the same and get their feelings hurt and throw tantrums when they don't. They don't get to overs

@Leannb

Spot on. I remember my mum saying that she had no say over her wedding, and then was most put out that we wanted to arrange ours. But we were older than she was when she got married, had established lives in another city (where we wanted to get married) and were paying for it ourselves. She was upset because it basically meant that she'd never be able to organise a wedding: her mum had organised hers and I organised mine so she never got a turn to have what she wanted. It's completely the same with babies.