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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i an embarrassment

108 replies

WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 21:43

So here goes

I have been with DH 12 years. He has a DS . His DS is now 14 and a lovely boy. I have no DC.

I've recently had a birthday which sounds absolutely ridiculous i know but he was the one person who never wished me a happy birthday on FB never tagged me in a picture nothing. I didn't think anything of it to be honest but last week his DS turned 14 who is not on FB yet he put hundreds of pics of him on and wished him happy birthday said how much he loved him how proud he is ect.

Today is our wedding anniversary. Yet again no recognition at all.

We have bit of an age gap (14 years) he's older) when we met i was 9 stone size 8.
12 years later I'm now 12 stone. We get on great most of the time but i really feel a bit hurt and i feel like he's embarrassed of me.

I swear i am not a petty person at all but i feel strangely hurt. Would you?

OP posts:
Drivingdownthe101 · 23/06/2020 21:44

Did he do anything for your birthday or anniversary in real life?

saraclara · 23/06/2020 21:48

I don't get it. Why would your DH, who actually lives with you and can wish you Happy Birthday in person, post birthday wishes to you on Facebook?

Does his DS live with you or with his Mum? If he doesn't live with you, then obviously his dad might want to post on FB to him.

LegallyBlue · 23/06/2020 21:49

It's beyond weird that you're comparing yourself to his son. That's not comparable. You might compare how he treats you compared with how he treated your ex, you might compare how your parents treat you compared with how they treat your siblings - it makes absolutely no sense to think someone would treat their partner the same way they treat their child. The fact you're making this comparison makes you sound a bit odd and jealous of his son.
Did you post anything on his birthday or for your anniversary today? If not then you're being a bit of a hypocrite. His child's birthday is an important day for your husband because it's the anniversary of him becoming a parent, it's a big deal. How is your birthday a big deal to your husband?
You weight doesn't seem at all relevant - I'm not sure why you've mentioned it...

Drivingdownthe101 · 23/06/2020 21:50

I’d honestly think DH had lost the plot if he wished me happy birthday on social media. We live together!

tippexed · 23/06/2020 21:50

FB isn't real. Let it go. The real test is what he actually did for you in real life on your birthday?????

Darkestseasonofall · 23/06/2020 21:51

If my DP wished me any greeting on FB, whether birthday, anniversary, mother's day etc, I would be so, so embarrassed.
We live together, he gives me cards and presents, a public announcement on social media is cringe IMO.

FTMF30 · 23/06/2020 21:53

You're projecting your insecurity about putting on weight. If you're unhappy about your size then try to do something a out it.

jgjgjgjgjg · 23/06/2020 21:53

What does your weight have to do with whether or not he said happy birthday via social media? Do you have other concerns or signs that suggest your weight is a problem for him? You are hardly obese!

notheragain4 · 23/06/2020 21:53

You've been together 12 years, is this the first time he's not done it or something.

DH and I don't wish each other happy birthday on Facebook because we live together and it's a bit weird tbh.

Pollaidh · 23/06/2020 21:54

When I see lovey dovey messages on FB I always assume the relationship is under stress! Why would he put messages on there? What matters is what he did in real life.

Cynara · 23/06/2020 21:55

I dislike most social media and don't have much to do with it (FB, Instagram, Twitter etc) but DP loves it. I'd be utterly bewildered if he wished me happy birthday on SM. He lives in the same house as me, he should be saying happy birthday as he hands over the tea tray. Wishing a loved one happy birthday should not be performative or competitive. No one else needs to see that the birthday wishes have taken place.

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 21:55

@Drivingdownthe101 no nothing for anniversary at all. Nor for my birthday I never actually noticed or cared about until today.

I didn't get a birthday gift which never bothered mel but his DS has just recently taken up tennis maybe 3 weeks ago and he now has 2 rackets with his name engraved plus 8 personalised balls and sweat towel so i know my DH is capable of ordering stuff which isn't really the point. My DSS who i get on brilliantly with brought me a lovely present completely off his own back though. So i wasn't completely neglected just feel really low that DH didn't bother

OP posts:
Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 21:56

@saraclara he lives with us and has done for 10 years

OP posts:
FritataPatate · 23/06/2020 21:58

Have you spoken to your OH about this?

sqirrelfriends · 23/06/2020 21:58

FB is fake, I've known people going through real issues in their relationship (she was considering leaving and he often called their young son a c**t) leaving the most lovely messages to each other.

I never post anything, it doesn't mean a thing.

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 21:58

I don't feel like I'm projecting anything i just see it done by pretty much every couple i know

OP posts:
Splitsunrise · 23/06/2020 22:01

Why the hell doesn’t he buy you anything for your birthday? Do you buy stuff for him? Does he know it bothers you?
Sorry OP Sad

CrotchetyQuaver · 23/06/2020 22:01

Ok oh one way to find out and that's to ask your DH straight out face to face why he's ignored your birthday and the anniversary.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 23/06/2020 22:01

I tend to see a direct correlation between how bad a person’s relationship is and how soppy their Facebook posts are. It’s like they’re trying to prove to the world - and themselves - that everything is ok. So that side of it wouldn’t bother me. (I do often post about my kids on their birthdays though, it’s just different.) But I wouldn’t be happy that he didn’t acknowledge your birthday / anniversary at all. Can you talk to him about it?

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 22:03

I don't post anything on social media really but i was MOH at a friends wedding 5 years ago and her DH put some lovely stuff on recently that i actually never saw until DH told me about it and recalled what a lovely day it was and how it brought back so many nice memories

OP posts:
TryingToBeBold · 23/06/2020 22:03

I think the fB posts are a red herring when he doesnt acknowledge your birthday or anniversary

CommonMallow · 23/06/2020 22:03

I don’t publicly wish my DH a happy birthday on social media, I live with him, why would I? He doesn’t do it for me either. And I know lots of people who don’t, I personally think it’s a bit odd.

Drivingdownthe101 · 23/06/2020 22:03

@WellAmThatBad

I don't feel like I'm projecting anything i just see it done by pretty much every couple i know
That’s interesting. I don’t know many people who wish their partners (who they live with) a happy birthday on social media. I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing though. I wouldn’t give a shit about a social media happy birthday. I’d be pretty peeved about no ‘real life’ acknowledgement though. Why are you focussing one the social media aspect, and not the fact that he didn’t buy you a card/present etc?
breakingthebank · 23/06/2020 22:04

Has he ever bought you birthday/anniversary presents? I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your partner to wish you happy birthday and buy a gift and card. I would be very upset if mine didn't. Have you told him you're upset about it?

sunflowersandtulips50 · 23/06/2020 22:05

So your DH got you nothing for your birthday or anniversary....the DS is a side issue-