Am i an embarrassment

[WellAmThatBad]

So here goes

I have been with DH 12 years. He has a DS . His DS is now 14 and a lovely boy. I have no DC.

I've recently had a birthday which sounds absolutely ridiculous i know but he was the one person who never wished me a happy birthday on FB never tagged me in a picture nothing. I didn't think anything of it to be honest but last week his DS turned 14 who is not on FB yet he put hundreds of pics of him on and wished him happy birthday said how much he loved him how proud he is ect.

Today is our wedding anniversary. Yet again no recognition at all.

We have bit of an age gap (14 years) he's older) when we met i was 9 stone size 8.
12 years later I'm now 12 stone. We get on great most of the time but i really feel a bit hurt and i feel like he's embarrassed of me.

I swear i am not a petty person at all but i feel strangely hurt. Would you?

It’s my DP’s birthday today. We agreed no presents this year because he has been made redundant and money is tight. I ordered a personalised card from Not on the High Street (to do with his football team), got a Colin Caterpillar cake from M&S, and cooked his favourite dinner. I didn’t post anything about it on social media though.

(My birthday was in February and it was a very similar scenario, only the cat also got me a lovely card, and she forgot for DP.)

Reading the replies is a lot harder than i thought. I suppose i wanted you all to say i was an idiot and overthinking.

Please no one think i am in anyway jealous of my DSS because he is amazing. He's lived with us full time for over 10 years and we get on so well.

Non of this is about him he's the loveliest young man I've ever known

@PicsInRed they were never married and she lost all interest in DSS with every BF she met. I get on with her ok so no animosity.

I’m sorry. Honestly it’s not great.
I hope it’s a blip

I don't mention my husband's birthday on Facebook and he doesn't mention mine. Sometimes we mention our kids' birthdays on Facebook, sometimes we're too busy out having fun with them. I wouldn't think he's embarrassed of you because he hasn't put a Facebook message up! Definitely not.

That is so sad. Does the mother still see her son regularly?

I'm thinking in terms of strategically whether you could gain visitation rights (if you are actually the primary carer) or whether you may need to make a longer term plan to leave - when your DSS can come see you by himself.

I'd e extremely upset if my DH didnt acknowledge my birthday or anniversary! I wouldn't mind him not posting about it on facebook but would expect a nice dinner and flowers! Speak to him about it rather than letting the resentment fester.

Yep. The Facebook thing is unimportant compared to him not doing anything in real life. What was your DSS's reaction to his dad not doing anything for your birthday?

Sometimes you have to take matters in your own hands and buy your own presents.

My OH wouldn't have the faintest what I wanted (it's usually clothes from a particular label, once upon a time he would buy me jewellery but in my work environment, it's not so suitable now) so I buy my own, have them delivered by mail and they are (now) sitting on his desk so he can give them to me when it's my birthday. :) That way I get exactly what I want!

We will go out for dinner. Usually, it's me that books it although he will pay and drive and we will go where I want to.

Just take matters into your own hands and tell him outright, we are doing this for my birthday etc. If he reacts poorly, then yes, I think there is a problem going on...

I'm slightly confused as to whether this is about you wanting a fb tag or your husband to buy you a birthday gift and make you feel special?

@PicsInRed I've always tried to facilitate a relationship with DSS and his DM with my DH and DSS completely on bored so before lock down me an DSS would take her for lunch every week or go on a nice walk or to a theme park for special occasions. DSS suffers separation anxiety and has always asked me to be there his DM and me get on well so that's never been an issue she said it makes her feel more comfortable because he looks for reassurance which i give him that she can't. We've always got on well and she sends me a lovely card & flowers every year on mother's day off DSS.

I've always seen my marriage as good happy and strong until recently. It maybe just complacency but I'm not ready for a loveless marriage i am 32

She has her tissues but she isn't a bad person at all.

this has nothing to do with your dss

Agree FB is a red herring.

So he normally gets you a card? And nothing this year?

How often do you end up on the sofa?

Him slamming doors etc sound awful. So essentially you can't really talk to him as he loses his temper and you end up on the sofa?

WTFFFF he commented on your weight when you told him you were a bit hurt about him ignoring your birthday?! What on earth has your weight got to do with buying you a birthday card/present? Is him implying you dont deserve it coz you’ve put weight on? Because that’s what it sounds like to me.

In which case I’m so sorry OP, you’re married to a horrible horrible person

You've been with him since you were 20 and he was 34 is that correct?

@Saraclara my DSS isn't fully aware that I'm hurt as I've not said anything but i know he can see it and he's asked me about 1 thousand times today if i am ok and if i want a cup of tea ❤ he also got our wedding photos out and was saying how much he loved the day even though i don't think he remembers much about it but he is a absolute little sweetheart.

On my birthday DSS seemed ashamed he got me a lovely present out of his own money and my DH hadn't got anything so DSS said it was off him and his dad

I'd have told him to shove his offered hair straighteners up his fucking ass until he can curl his own hair with them! He should be on his hands and knees thanking the stars he's found such a wonderful woman to mother his child! What a fucker

@ShinyFootball yes

Yeah I'm not sure why you're fixated on Facebook when you're with someone who doesn't acknowledge your birthday or anniversary. Your OH is a selfish arse but Facebook is the least of your worries.

@EKGEMS 😂😂 brilliant i should

Both yourself and dss sound like beautiful people..lovely to hear you have such a good relationship with dss mum and so nice she can recognise how important you are in dss life...your dh sounds, at best, a thoughtless prick who is taking you for granted...out of interest, would your dh relationship with dss be as solid as the relationship you have with him...could dh be jealous and the gifts he showered dss with were not genuine but given to score points

@thepeopleversuswork i wouldn't say fixated i think its just i feel hurt with lack of thought. If I'd of recieved a card or whatever then I'd of been happy but with no card but a nice pic for either birthday or anniversary would of done. Basically just an acknowledgement

@WellAmThatBad

I tried to talk to him tonight I'm now sleeping on the sofa. I wasn't confrontational or anything just tried to explain i feel a bit hurt. He said he'd buy me new hair straighteners once hairdressers re-opens. I don't even need hair straighteners mine aren't even old he them stormed off slamming doors.

I do feel shit tonight and i think it's because he cemented on my weight hence the whole i think he's embarrassed of me. It's all just clicking into place.

Thank you all

How mature of him. What exactly did he say about your weight?

The reason I asked is that's quite a big age gap when you're 20 and I wonder if he was looking for someone a bit easier to dominate.

Have you started standing up to him more?

Maybe I am off base with that.

@EKGEMS

I'd have told him to shove his offered hair straighteners up his fucking ass until he can curl his own hair with them! He should be on his hands and knees thanking the stars he's found such a wonderful woman to mother his child! What a fucker

Hahahahahahaha !! Curl his own hair with them . You have me in tears