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Original poster

Am i an embarrassment

108 replies

WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 21:43

So here goes

I have been with DH 12 years. He has a DS . His DS is now 14 and a lovely boy. I have no DC.

I've recently had a birthday which sounds absolutely ridiculous i know but he was the one person who never wished me a happy birthday on FB never tagged me in a picture nothing. I didn't think anything of it to be honest but last week his DS turned 14 who is not on FB yet he put hundreds of pics of him on and wished him happy birthday said how much he loved him how proud he is ect.

Today is our wedding anniversary. Yet again no recognition at all.

We have bit of an age gap (14 years) he's older) when we met i was 9 stone size 8.
12 years later I'm now 12 stone. We get on great most of the time but i really feel a bit hurt and i feel like he's embarrassed of me.

I swear i am not a petty person at all but i feel strangely hurt. Would you?

OP posts:
Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:30

@Louise91417 thank you ❤ we do get in great. DSS and DH do get on extremely well and do lots of spots together which i am very happy about and encourage wholeheartedly. I have definitely made DH life easier i am just about to re-start university in September to finish my degree which i stopped to care for DSS (zero regrets) i do think they'd of had a different lifestyle and relationship if i hadn't of been here but things usual work out well and we're mostly happy. I'm just feeling down and feeling abandoned and unloved by my DH

OP posts:
Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:33

@Zuzu5 he said i had a massive piss tank

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 23/06/2020 23:35

FFS - If it's an issue - Tell him, not us, you've been married for 12 bloody years! Tell him!

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:36

Can't actually believe I've just typed that. It wasn't even funny it hurt but it's actually made me laugh now tying it. What a twat

OP posts:
DamnYankee · 23/06/2020 23:38

My DH never, ever wish each other anything on social media.

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:39

@Toomuchtrouble4me thanks for that 👍🏻 i have told him if you'd of bothered to read you'd of seen that..

OP posts:
Zuzu5 · 23/06/2020 23:40

[quote WellAmThatBad]@Zuzu5 he said i had a massive piss tank[/quote]
He sounds like massive dick - and not the type we like !

Size 12 is now considered massive???? Wtf . How did this even come up , from you mentioning you were upset re birthday?

I think its time we turn the tables around and his raggedy 40 year old ass with mid life crisis get insecure of his younger hot wife finding someone better than him

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:40

@DamnYankee do you in Rl though?

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ktp100 · 23/06/2020 23:40

I'd be mortified if my DH wished me happy birthday on FB. He lives with me FFS! Why is saying it on SM more important? Because then other people get to see it?

I know a couple who do loads of gushing at each other online and it's so embarrassing. Both lovely people but Eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww.

I'd be pissed if I didn't get a card or present but online comments? Not at all.

Maybe it's a generation thing? My younger cousins were amazed that I didn't splash getting engaged etc on Facebook but I really don't care.

I know telling him that's what you want him to do might seem needy and defeat the object of wanting him to do it himself but honestly, it might not have occurred to him that you would want that, especially if he wouldn't want it himself.

ShinyFootball · 23/06/2020 23:41

What does massive piss tank even mean?

He sounds vile, sorry OP.

sunflowersandtulips50 · 23/06/2020 23:42

so you were young when you got together with your DH who is alot older than you and you have ended up looking after his DC and putting your life on hold. Your 32 - is this really how you saw your life? Get your degree and make new memories....all you have done is replaced role of mum and he is an abusive shit

FrenchBoule · 23/06/2020 23:43

Lack of appreciation kills the relationship.

He got you nothing for your birthday,not even a card and when confronted huffed and puffed?

No loving partner makes derogatory comments about the other’s appearance.

Forget his birthday. If he complains slam the door and tell him you’ll buy him an iron(or something completely nonsensical)

What an inconsiderate twat. Even his son was embarassed.

DamnYankee · 23/06/2020 23:44

I just looked "piss tank" up. It is defined as a person who drinks a lot of beer...
So does that mean he said you have a beer gut?
Either way, it's not very nice.
Order something expensive to treat yourself, since he's not going to do it...Hmm

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:45

@Zuzu5 it came up when we were sat outside after talking i got up and said i needed a wee and walked off he said not surprised with the size of that massive piss tank!!

He does sound like a massive dick but he isn't usually like this at all. I've probably spent far to much time indoors lately and i am feeling extremely low and well, genuinely shit x

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Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:47

@DamnYankee i don't drink beer at all i have 2-3 glasses of wine , prosecco or G&T's over a weekend.

OP posts:
GenevaL · 23/06/2020 23:48

He sounds bloody awful, OP. How thoughtless and lazy he is to make so little effort.

Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:53

@sunflowersandtulips50 yes i was young and it's definitely not how i pictured my life but it's worked and until lately I'd been very happy. I have one year left at uni to do my degree and we'll see what happens after that but I've put him and DSS first which I'll never regret either way but it's time now to do a bit of what i want to do

OP posts:
Original poster
WellAmThatBad · 23/06/2020 23:55

@GenevaL he does sound horrible on this post but usually he can be lovely which is why i am so hurt i think. he's gone from a nice caring husband to a total prick

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 24/06/2020 00:17

Either a midlife crisis, and feels insecure or he's met someone else who he suddenly fancies a lot (most likely both, goes with mid-life territory) - but please don't tolerate this, OP.
He needs to apologise, seriously. And to compensate if it's just a spell of bad mood re him approaching 50.

Jeremyironsnothing · 24/06/2020 00:22

His reaction from now on will be telling.

You brought the subject up, his reaction wasn't great. Let him think about it tonight and then open up the subject again tomorrow. If he refuses to even try to understand why you feel hurt and neglected, then that tells you all you need to know.

Natsel84 · 24/06/2020 00:28

@FrenchBoule has nailed it op

You sound like a lovely person. Remove the social media factor and just think how he treats you in real life.
Me and my dh wish each other happy birthday on sm. We always have .
Its about the bigger picture

SandyY2K · 24/06/2020 00:47

I have to say you sound like a very nice person and no doubt you've been the reason your DSS is the person he is. He sounds very thoughtful.

You're also doing great with facilitating his relationship with his mum. You've gone above and beyond in many ways.

Even though he didn't get you anything, he should have acknowledged the lack of a gift and got on the case.

I mean we've been in lockdown for a while, so that's no excuse now. It's the new normal.

His comment to you was quite rude as well. Very immature. Does he realise how lucky he is to have you? You'd think he would really appreciate you raising his DS and providing that secure environment for him..with motherly love.

Out of interest, does he help your SS to get a mother's day card and gift for you

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 24/06/2020 00:55

Haven't RTFT.
I don't get it, sorry?
I'm a complete FB addict and DH is too, but we don't really put gushy stuff on FB - I'm the first person to say it to him in the morning, putting it on social media seems more for public attention?
If he's not doing it in real life and making you feel good then that's a different story.

earthyfire · 24/06/2020 01:10

My husband and I don't post anything about each other on FB I would hate it but thankfully he doesn't really use FB. However, I have posted about my kids on their birthday's. I actually find it odd when couples post happy birthday to one another on FB, I always wonder if they write the same message in the card.

notyourhandmaid · 24/06/2020 02:53

[quote WellAmThatBad]@GenevaL he does sound horrible on this post but usually he can be lovely which is why i am so hurt i think. he's gone from a nice caring husband to a total prick[/quote]
Not at all to excuse his behaviour, which is awful, but how long has this been going on for? Many couples have found lockdown hard, for example, or has there been stuff going on for him at work or anything?

Again: not to excuse his behaviour. But for you to think about: is this a situation that could be remedied if you acknowledge him being under stress (while being very clear his treatment of you is not OK), or is it something that's been building for a while and you're only now just coming to terms with how bad it is? Do you see this kind of behaviour as genuinely out of the ordinary for him, or do you find yourself looking back on past events though a new set of eyes?

You're not being needy or crazy or anything else for wanting and expecting love and respect from your husband. Flowers