was this rude? Anti social rather than social distancing.

[SunshineSuper]

DD & I dropped a present off to the Birthday Girl (BG). Young teens.

We went at 2.30pm, avoiding meal times.
No other cars on drive.
DD & friend have been messaging each other during lock down but have only seen each other briefly once. Lock down has been strict locally.
They have a lovely garden with lots of seating and the sun is shining.

We stood at a distance on the doorstep. Present handed over, BG said thank you, brief chat about weather with the Dad then they said good bye.

No questions about how we are, how my sick parent is, no letting the girls catch up.

I'm coming at this from having sociable kids that have really missed their friends and peers. I can do social chat for ten minutes with anyone but more importantly I'm looking for any safe way to make life more stimulating and fun for my children.

so YABU it's a pandemic, don't expect to be sitting in the garden even on a birthday. No invite.
YANBU anti social Birthday family dont want your uninvited company

YABU, you should have called to see if it was Ok first

I think YABU, if you had wanted to sit and their garden and chat for a while then you should have arranged to do that but it sounds like you just arranged to drop off the gift? Perhaps they had other plans?

I think you’re in the right. The anti-social MN crowd will think you’re wrong - seems like some people have been waiting their whole lives for this bloody pandemic!
Don’t have to engage with the dreaded MIL, no need to deal with people at your kids parties etc
Rude parents - YANBU

YABU to turn up and expect them to be free at your convenience, especially on a child’s birthday. Maybe they had other plans. If you want the girls to have time to have a socially distanced catch up then call and arrange it, or let the girls arrange it and you and the other parents facilitate it.

So you just rocked up?

I’d expect the girls to have messaged in advance and arranged to have a chat.

I wouldn't have invited you into the garden tbh. We are really, really, restricting who we have more prolonged contact with due to very vunerable extended family members who we have to support.

I wouldn't go round to drop a present off on someone's birthday and expect to be asked how my ill parent is. If you to have a chat then arrange one.

Oh so you weren't invited?YABU then.
The Dad could've been in the middle of something, work or anything.

They have a lovely garden with lots of seating and the sun is shining.
Did you hint this with the Dad?

We're still in the middle of a pandemic and you have a sick parent so why would he let you in the garden?

Don't you know that you've committed the cardinal sin of 'just showing up at the door'

Hang your head in shame, OP

They may have already had people coming over, or were going to a grandparents house or whatever

To go over on a birthday unannounced when you are not close family is fine to drop and go, but rude to expect an invitation to stay imo

I'm not really sure what you were expecting to be honest. I wouldn't have expected a young girl on her birthday to even think about asking how her friend's mum's parents are. I also wouldn't expect my daughter's friend's parents to even know about it, much less invite me in to their garden on their daughter's birthday to chat about it. It's the birthday girl's day. Maybe get parents were giving her the day to spend exactly how she wishes. They could have been setting up a barbecue or something. A lockdown birthday is pretty shit and I think it's actually quite rude of you to expect the family of the birthday girl to make it all about you.

If I was expecting you and it was pre-arranged I would have unlocked the side gate so you could sit in the garden. I still wouldn't answer the front door.

We don't ever open the front door. If you were still present after a couple of minutes I would open the upstairs window and call out to see if all was ok.

So I think they were being pretty good just by opening the front door to you!

We just showed up, my head is hanging in embarrassment.
I think DD messaged her friend to say we would be dropping by.

My house is so desperate for human contact, we've been chatting to anyone who ventures near.
(Lucky, wfh, no health problems, our parents are far away, my dad is now recovering well from a stroke. I'd met the BG parents the day after it happened.)

We're all different! Love Mumsnet for explaining the logic in the world.

I don’t think you can expect people to be inviting you into their gardens like that, we have lives. And it’s the girls that are friends, not you and the parents.

I’d have done the same, I’d have no desire to sit with some other parent In my garden unexpectedly even with no pandemic.

If you turned up uninvited you were being unreasonable anyway, but I wouldn't think for a second I'd get invited in in those circumstances.

You are being completely unreasonable

Are you as friendly with the Dad usually as you are the Mum?

You’re coming from a good place, but YABVU to think that you can just turn up and expect to be invited in. Especially when they probably have some kind of birthday plan already. If you wanted that kind of social catch up then you’d be better off inviting them to your garden.

They could have been expecting someone else to come and sit in their lovely garden with lots of seating.

You turned up unannounced having no idea if they were busy or not, it's very rude to then expect to be invited in. If I want to entertain people in my house or garden then I invite them to come at a specific time.

YABU. They might have been in the middle of something. Avoiding mealtimes doesn't mean that people are just sitting there waiting for someone to fill their time.

For goodness sake

Basic courtesy - I would either have invited you to sit at a sociable distance in the garden so the girls could could have a catch up.

OR

I would say "I'd love to let the girls have a catch up but we have prior arrangements / grandparents visiting".

You are correct that it is not great manners to receive a gift on the doorstep and then just say "bye!" Yes, there is a global pandemic but people can still use manners. If they just didn't want you in their garden they could have just said "such a shame we can't have a longer chat but we are being really strict with the distancing."

I wouldn't take offence though. It is hard to adjust and the rules are constantly changing, it's easy to get a bit flustered and forget manners.

The logic in my head was, it was all about the kids catching up, seeing someone their own age especially after months of lock down.

I've listened to this Dad talk for at least ten minutes for the last few years on the school run at the school, he generally likes the sound of his own voice, he's no stranger.

But yes maybe IABU given there could be frantic BBQ preparation or cake making going on. I just thought normal rules would be suspended given that there can't be a party or a birthday day out.

I think DD messaged her friend to say we would be dropping by.

Who probably didn't pass the message on to her parents (like many teens, my DS would be the same). It's supposed to be very nice weather this week, could you arrange another visit where you can chat properly?

It’s possible the dad was WFH and had to get back to his screen/phone etc.