was this rude? Anti social rather than social distancing.

[SunshineSuper]

DD & I dropped a present off to the Birthday Girl (BG). Young teens.

We went at 2.30pm, avoiding meal times.
No other cars on drive.
DD & friend have been messaging each other during lock down but have only seen each other briefly once. Lock down has been strict locally.
They have a lovely garden with lots of seating and the sun is shining.

We stood at a distance on the doorstep. Present handed over, BG said thank you, brief chat about weather with the Dad then they said good bye.

No questions about how we are, how my sick parent is, no letting the girls catch up.

I'm coming at this from having sociable kids that have really missed their friends and peers. I can do social chat for ten minutes with anyone but more importantly I'm looking for any safe way to make life more stimulating and fun for my children.

so YABU it's a pandemic, don't expect to be sitting in the garden even on a birthday. No invite.
YANBU anti social Birthday family dont want your uninvited company

I imagine the dad was working as pp's have said.

I wouldn't be inviting people into my garden on a working day either.

Some people don't have social skills, OP. It's uncomfortable dealing with them.

I'm with you, OP, and would've said, do you want to come into the garden for a bit so the girls can catch up or whatever.

If I was frantically in the middle of wrapping/icing/a work call, I would say so.

As you say, it's about the kids catching up, and you and the other parent facilitating that.

I think YABU. It is perfectly reasonable etiquette to chat from the doorstep when dropping off a gift. You were dropping it off, not calling in for a drink. Especially during the pandemic. So far, I have been in three other people's gardens, each time on a chair I took with me drinking coffee I brought with me too - and all prearranged. But to be honest, I wouldn't necessarily expect to invite someone in who was just delivering something at the best of times. And I am otherwise pretty sociable.

OP, my DD would have grabbed you and never let you go

Her birthday is coming up - please do come round!

Pandemic or not, you should really arrange beforehand with the parents if you want to sit in their garden or house for a chat. Tbh not many people just turn up expecting to be invited in, especially when you are only acquaintances.

The dad chatted to you. The girls chatted briefly. They did the present. That's plenty. They were most likely having a family celebration themselves or in the middle of doing something. There's not a chance I'd invite someone in I had only briefly chatted to on school runs or at swimming etc and even more so during a pandemic as I have no clue who you are mixing with.

Not everyone is feeling lonely and wanting to chat loads and sit in strangers gardens.

Just give it another while and arrange a stay over when allowed for the girls and maybe arrange a friend to come over to your garden for a chat.

I'm surprised that none of this occurred to you OP. It's clear that you are desperate for socializing but that has made you completely lose sight.
You pitched up unexpectedly which might have annoyed someone, pandemic or not. And why would they make chit chat about your parents or anything?? Your kids are friends, not you. Think you were the rude one here and they were actually polite.

Did you tell DD to check that the friends parents were ok with you popping round? Is it her actual birthday today?

It's very likely that he was either working from home, or that if it's her actual birthday they were doing something.

If they're young teens why didn't DD just pop out and go to the door while you waited in the car? I'd be surprised if the parent accompanied the child to the door.

But I'm part of the MN contingent that hates unannounced visits. I never answer my door unless I've invited something. Tbh I don't actually get dressed properly, so if people come by uninvited I don't answer the door because I'm generally in a T-shirt and knickers, or shorts and a bikini in this weather.

You were dropping the present of, no more, no less. If you wanted more, you should have arranged something.

Some people are stricter than others with covid

Also it can be stressful when people just turn up if you are either trying to do something, a private or introverted person or whatever.

People are juggling a lot right now. You just can’t know. There could hardly be a worse time to just turn up, let alone to expect some sort of impromptu social event.

Your imagination got ahead of you, while he presumably had his own plans in his mind.

I just thought normal rules would be suspended given that there can't be a party

there can be a small party, we are allowed to have friends outside, and of course allowed to go out for the day. Many places are already reopened (and desperate for money!)

Absolutely YABU to turn up unannounced and then expect an invitation. When you pop in somewhere, even now, you drop, might have a 2 minutes chat and go.

Also, assuming that people are available because of covid is a bit rude frankly. Many people still work, have plans and are especially not visitor ready at all because there can't be uninvited visitors. Worst time to arrive unanounced!

You also have to factor in that not everyone will be as desperate for social contact as you, as an introvert people randomly turning up on my door expecting me.to host them would be my worst nightmare. You absolutely must let people know if you are intending to nip round especially if it is for extended social time.

I think YABVU not to have phoned beforehand

And yes they could have been working from home, everything doesn't stop because it's a child's birthday.

We think a garden gathering will not go down well with a number of them

you could ask... you need to stop making assumptions about other people!

Ask the 2 more important people (or pick 2), and go from there.

You should have stayed in the car at least. The other parent would have felt duty bound to chat with you while the girls were chatting so that's why it was so short. But someone randomly knocks at my door, I'm not a mind-reader and would assume it's a 2-minute hand-over of a present not an implicit invitation for drinks in the garden. You must be clearer in future!

We had a couple of birthdays during the actual lockdown. Between calls with family, zoom meeting with their friends, schedule delivery of "treats' (independent food outlet never closed around here... ), and planned activities, my kids didn't have that much spare time to chat with unannounced visitors passing by during their "daily walk"

Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with just showing up. Some people like it, some people don't. We're all different. But if you just show up you can't expect to be invited in. That's the risk you take with that approach. Taking offence - thinking you should be able to force social interaction on others by physically turning up - is the only really unreasonable bit in this. The rest is just different communication strategies that people should all take with a pinch of salt.

If the girls had wanted to meet up, surely they could have organised something between themselves?

My DD has 2 friends who've had birthdays since small outside gatherings were allowed.

Friend 1 - not allowed out to meet friends. DD organises a present drop off on doorstep and 5 minute chat

Friend 2 - suggests a small group of them meet on the big patch of grass by her house for a socially distanced gathering.

in both cases it was absolutely clear what was happening in advance and the girls had sorted it between themselves. Your DD was not expecting to be invited in. If she wanted a longer meeting with her friend, she would organise one (why don't you suggest she does)? Dad was either working or didn't want to make random small talk with you.

Just because they have a nice garden it does not mean you should have been invited in. I have a big garden with a nice seating area in the sun, I can assure you if anybody turned up unannounced they would not be welcomed into the garden. In all honestly I’m not at the stage of wanting to invite people round - I still want to distance as best as I can.

WhatAWonderfulDay welcome here anytime, there's individually wraped ice creams in the freezer, garden chairs spaced out and in case of crossed legs stopping conversation, the outdoor loo has been never seen so much bleach for so little action.

It is always great hearing the hive Mumsnet mind. It never occurred to me that DD wouldn't be invited in for ten minutes, so I've also had to manage her expectations.

I may never find out what was actually happening or expected but the whole exchange felt uncomfortable.

BG's mum & I used to hang out a fair bit together, then I was away for a few months, came back to lock down. Life has moved on, and friendships and birthday etiquette in the time of Corona.

Open garden here for my Dd's birthday, any time, no plans, all welcome - dogs, siblings, we welcome you all 😁

It never occurred to me that DD wouldn't be invited in for ten minutes

I'm pretty sure visiting people's houses/going indoors still isn't allowed, apart from bubbles with people living alone?

We don't have a side entrance, so you'd have to walk through the house, and a lot of people still aren't comfortable with that.

But birthday etiquette with or without covid, I still don't think you should ever just turn up without agreeing it with the people you want to visit.

The anti-social MN crowd will think you’re wrong - seems like some people have been waiting their whole lives for this bloody pandemic!
Don’t have to engage with the dreaded MIL, no need to deal with people at your kids parties etc

FFS. It's not about being anti-social. In this day and age (pandemic or no pandemic) there are umpteen ways to check beforehand if it's convenient to call at someone's house and IMO it's downright rude not to do so. People are busy. Just turning up on someone's doorstep without checking ahead sends the message that you value your time and convenience over theirs. (OP, these comments aren't aimed at you, I can see you said the DDs were messaging about it beforehand so you didn't just rock up out of the blue.)

@TheFuckingDogs if you consider people who don't jump for joy when unexpected callers show up 'antisocial' outside of Covid times too, you might want to show a little more sensitivity. Issues such as anxiety/social anxiety can make a big deal out of answering the door, or people can just be having a bad day/dealing with difficult stuff and simply not in the right headspace to let out a hearty cry of joy at the sight of uninvited callers. There's no one standard 'correct' way to react to situations in life.