was this rude? Anti social rather than social distancing.

[SunshineSuper]

DD & I dropped a present off to the Birthday Girl (BG). Young teens.

We went at 2.30pm, avoiding meal times.
No other cars on drive.
DD & friend have been messaging each other during lock down but have only seen each other briefly once. Lock down has been strict locally.
They have a lovely garden with lots of seating and the sun is shining.

We stood at a distance on the doorstep. Present handed over, BG said thank you, brief chat about weather with the Dad then they said good bye.

No questions about how we are, how my sick parent is, no letting the girls catch up.

I'm coming at this from having sociable kids that have really missed their friends and peers. I can do social chat for ten minutes with anyone but more importantly I'm looking for any safe way to make life more stimulating and fun for my children.

so YABU it's a pandemic, don't expect to be sitting in the garden even on a birthday. No invite.
YANBU anti social Birthday family dont want your uninvited company

Why should your dd's friend ask you how you are and how your parent is? That's the sort of thing best friends chat about together if they get around to it after all the important things they want to chat about.

It never occurred to me that DD wouldn't be invited in for ten minutes, so I've also had to manage her expectations.

Why would it not occur to you to check with people that it was convenient? What if they were just unloading a months worth of shopping? Or not home at all?

Do you know what kind of day her parents had on work wise?

Do you know how many family members they were expecting or juggling? Do you know when they had a group Skype planned with Grandparents or Aunties?

How do you even know you avoided meal times? Our day it all out of normal kilter so lunch can be anytime between 12 and 4

It would have taken 5 seconds to text the girls parents and say "Is it ok for DD to drop round a present for your DD?" and given them the opportunity to say yes or no.

Personally I'd be furious, only because my DS has decided he doesn't want to see his friends on his birthday because he found seeing them recently, but having to stay apart with no hugs or anything more upsetting than only seeing them on screen. Whereas my DD's friends I'd have said "Sure, come round. The girls could have a catch up in the garden if you want? It's convenient for us at X time or Y time if it suits you?"

There doesn't have to have been anything happening for the exchange to have been uncomfortable and unexpected.

Unexpected visitors walking up the garden path (unless it's my sister or parents) causes mass panic in my house and in the houses of lots of the people I know!

I would never think to invite people who were unexpectedly dropping a present off to sit in the garden, especially if it was one of my child's friends' parents.

It depends a little on what had been pre-arranged, but I think YABU to expect to hang around chatting at this time, especially if it had not been planned. Social distancing is still important. And if they relax the rules for you, they may have to do it for other people dropping off cards and presents and it ends up with no social distance at all. The fact that it's someone's birthday doesn't magically make the virus disappear. All that I would expect of them under the circumstances is that they should say a nice 'thank you'.

You sounds really lovely OP, I would of invited you in. X

Someone called round unexpectedly the other day to drop something off for my DC. I was MORTIFIED! I'd been working frantically since I woke up as I had an urgent deadline to meet, I hadn't even brushed my hair and I was in less than flattering homeworking clothes. I only opened the door because I was expecting a delivery.

But I had to stand on the doorstep, in full view of anyone passing, making polite conversation whilst looking like crap and worrying about getting back to my work because time was ticking on.

But clearly the other person was at a loose end, not working, and saw no issue whatsoever with popping round unannounced.

Never mind Covid. I do not like or want unannounced pop in visits by anyone. Has never been OK with me and I do not do it to anyone else. I can not believe OP thinking it was OK to turn up and expect to be invited in. Very rude on her part at anytime but at the moment!!! Her lack of appreciation of other peoples situations leave me speechless.

Don't read so much into it, I'm sure no offence was meant. Dad may not even have known about your sick parent and probably didn't know what to say. Some people aren't good at small talk. Your purpose was to hand over the present which you did and I'm sure you were thanked. Forget it. There will be more in depth chat when this blooming pandemic is beaten.

Well I for one hate uninvited visitors, so you probably just would have got a bit of 'small talk on the doorstep' from me too before I said bye.

Echoing what others say too - my life is even more hectic in lockdown, not less so. Trying to juggle my usual full-time job with childcare and home-educating has been a complete pain in the arse, so uninvited guests are even more unwanted right now. Sorry.

If you had come to ours both of us would have been working at that time. Either that or setting up a BBQ or afternoon tea for the birthday girl. We wouldn't have invited you in as then we would have felt obliged to ask you to stay for BBQ/tea and wouldn't have had enough food. If it had been a friend then I might have sucked it up and asked them to go grab some burgers etc, but if it was my child's friends parents then probably not.

Added to this there is still a pandemic going on. I am shielding and have vulnerable family members so wouldn't have invited anyone in as to get to the garden you have to walk through the house and then there is the toilet situation.

Even in normal times I hate people just turning up and wouldn’t invite you in, I’m a proper misery haha

I live with someone who is shielding so wouldn’t have let you in my garden either.

I personally feel that if you turn up at someone's door uninvited then you can't get annoyed if they're busy. Maybe the Dad had to get back to work or maybe they had plans for her birthday.

It sounds like you had a short chat and I don't think it was anti social.

At the moment I’m not inviting anyone into my home, family included so wouldn’t dream of inviting my DD’s friend and her parent. I find it rude that you expected it.

It’s really arrogant of you to assume that they feel the same as you at the same time as you.

Before we bought our Current house together and got married, I moved into my husbands old house. He had an open door policy, people would just come in any time they liked, door was always on the latch. I hated it. You need to give fair warning so I can make up and excuse for you not to come!!!

Perhaps if you’re desperate for company as you say, you should invite people to your garden?

My dd would have wanted to talk to her friend out of earshot/sight of the adults.

If it wasn't a prearranged meeting then you could have interrupted them doing something.

((amp.theguardian.com/books/2006/jan/28/fiction.sarahwaters))

I love this article about the novelist Sarah Waters researching people in the past. Look at this thread, we are all living the same day in a million ways. I thought my Dd's friend would love to see her on her birthday. I know the family well - no local family, two furloughed parents. My DH is wfh, harder than normal. I was busy, on a roll, now my industry is utterly dead. I'm just bored, trying to make my kids feel 'normal'.
For some of you normal rules apply, others have been stretched in multiple ways for months now.

Thank you everyone, for explaining your logic in answer to my poorly worded, drip feed thread. Have a good week.

YABVU and really rude just showing up like that. You might be “desperate” for human contact but you need to think of others, and teach your kid to do the same.

I just thought normal rules would be suspended

Quite the opposite, normal rules will be tightened for some people due to the pandemic.

Tbh, even in normal times, I wouldn't ever just turn up somewhere unannounced and uninvited. And I definitely wouldn't expect to be invited in following my unannounced visit. I'm not in England but I thought people were only allowed to meet up with a certain amount of people outdoors. Perhaps they had met up with the maximum amount of people that day? I would be quite annoyed if I had been sticking rigidly to the rules then someone turns up and just expects me to ignore the guidance.

I know it's difficult, but it is important to adhere to government guidance and more importantly, respect those who choose to act responsibly and follow the guidance.

Hopefully your DD gets a meet up with her friends once this is all over.

Less about pandemic and more about you should have just checked they had no plans! I doorstop dropped a gift off and didn’t expect any invites.
Also, in terms of the pandemic, some people just aren’t comfortable socially distancing or anything which is fine also ok if they aren’t comfortable!

Regarding your Dds birthday, just speak to the parents and see what they are happy with and arrange from there

It’s not rudeness, it’s just a person who has different social skills than you. Or perhaps they aren’t as ready as you to relax lockdown.

As my parents always told me when I was growing up “you can do what you like in your own house”.

Oh heaven's. We have a run of birthday's during lockdown and have received a few dropped off gifts. I have said Thank you and made brief conversation then gone back to whatever I was doing.

Have I committed a social faux-pas?

Should I have invited them into the garden, told work I had other stuff on and rustled up a batch of scones?

I love being sociable but yeah, if I’d not prepared for anyone to visit I wouldn’t invite anyone in.

They may not have all been dressed/ cleaned up/ ready?

At this time if someone just turned up unannounced I think it would really put me on the spot and I would probably react like he did.