Stopping drinking for a while

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

Morning all!
Welcome to @FrolickingLemon, @ErinBrockovich, @TazMac, @Washyourhands48, @Needingsupportplease, @CherryCocktails & @Ynwa1234. You will find this such a supportive thread. Even if you are struggling: especially if you are struggling, please keep posting rather than suffering in silence. We are all in different places here but with the same problem of drinking too much.

Nice to hear from you @BoxAndKnife, you are doing amazingly well! So impressed! What a great place to be in.

@Patbutcherismyhero kudos to you too, you're doing really well having AF days. You've started an incredibly popular thread here, in fact I think we are going to need a new one soon!

@HotelRoomforOne & @RandomGirl, I too have a ton of reflecting going through my mind, I have definitely used alcohol to block a load of things out and as a coping mechanism. I know I've got some things to deal with and whilst I'm nowhere near doing long AF stretches like some posters here, I am starting to have some recognition and awareness, which for me is better than nothing. I sometimes feel intimated reading how far along someone is with AF where I'm a serial Day 1 repeater but I guess I'm just not quite there yet. But hopefully one day soon, it will stick.

I'm on day 3 AF. I am planning on drinking next week though as we're on holiday. Looking ahead I am planning a dry October. I tend to try and spring periods of abstinence on myself as punishment or in a bad hangover... I'm thinking if I plan it well ahead and can prepare for it then it will be something I actually want to do.

Not at all @NeedAUserNameAllTaken, there's no way you could have known about the quagmire that is my relationship!! The details are too frustrating really for this thread. No need to apologise at all.
The weekly therapy sounds great, all this stuff takes plenty of time and mental energy to unpick..
I'm always amazed by how long it takes to really know and understand your own mind and way of being in the world. I mean I'm 38 and feel I have a hell of a long way still to go.

I missed my walk tonight before the fkin 8pm coronavirus curfew and I am bereft.

@ErinBrockovich I can 100% relate with what you said. I've always only shown my 'best' side to everyone. I've this issue with appearing vulnerable, I rarely show my true self. And so many people would presume to know me well. It's like a wall I built up since childhood, probably to do with fear of rejection.

So glad you wrote that, nice to know I'm not alone.

Peoples drinking has increased massively over the lockdown. If you can stop drinking that's a step in the right direction, it will not be easy, but itll be the thing that's best for you in the long run.

I need to join. Woken with a monster hangover and a patchy memory

@HotelRoomforOne I totally hear you; I am 38 as well, a Mum & Stepmum, and I feel like I'm only just knowing myself and developing some self-awareness? Thinking back to things I have said and done over the years (even sober!) I just cringe. It's really good you spoke to your partner and he is helping with the nightfeeds now, hopefully that will make a difference. You're doing really well.

@starskey80 and @ErinBrockovich, I am exactly the same. I have to show my "best" side too. I don't want help from anyone. I take criticism really badly and so personally (even minor things). I have built up a wall but I think it's more to myself than anyone else. There are probably some quite perceptive people who can see exactly what I am, and if I told them I had a drink problem they'd laugh and say "um yeah?!"

@HotelRoomforOne Yeah, I think I know now where the anxiety all stems from. There are few factors that became apparent when I was about 6/7/8 years old that stayed with me an manifested its way into my brain and mental health.

I've also completely sabotaged myself. I can't regret it as I've managed to have whale of a time, have some fabulous memories, managed to travel quite a bit and move far away from home (needed!) to live in a big city for a long period of time (came back in the end). But throughout all of these amazing times I was lonely, incredibly anxious and becoming quite the master drinker. I remember hanging out with a boyfriend's friends once and thinking they were all a bit too wild and creative for me and it made me so anxious - they actually said to him that they thought I was a bad influence on him! That was a shocker. I had a bit of a breakdown not long after that actually. I say a bit, it was quite big.

I've never attended one party sober. Ever. I have to get drunk at home before I can go out. Every time.

Biggest shameful regret, getting smashed for the two days and nights before my wedding, waking up absolutely hanging and getting straight on it to get rid of the hangover (people have a drink before they get married don't they?!) and then getting married drunk. The photos don't lie. Even my make up lady said 'I can't polish a turd, Random!'. I've just about forgiven myself for that. It has taken years.

NAME CHANGE ALERT

Username was "Sauvignonismysaviour" and I've now changed to "BooksMusicSnacks" because I don't want an alcohol based username anymore! It's the little things sometimes isn't it.

Sauvignon is my bloody downfall!

Wow. So many insightful and blistering honest posts on here this morning. Most of the musings I totally relate to. I think joining this thread may have been one of the best things I could have done for myself as I recognise so much of the patterns. The presenting of ones hest side. Having a somewhat addictive personality definitely plays a part. And having been a weird painfully shy kid, I eventually myself get 'out there' and present as an extrovert. To the extent friends would say to me "oh it's ok for you cos you're full of confidence" it was bullshit, but nobody believed it. Because I had already created this bubbly persona. During lockdown, I've realised I'm an introvert and a home bird. Perhaps that's partly due to getting older. But I am so over the people pleaser thing now. I'll always be the one who helps others and rarely if ever ask for help myself. Which again is why this thread is amazing. I've joined in on a couple on MN over the years. But something seems to have happened here I think. Maybe the reflection from lockdown has released a shit load of honesty in quite a number of like minded folk? I don't know. But it can only be a good thing. And its always great to feel you aren't alone in your problems hey?

Fuck. Would probably have cost me £70 if I'd presented that little off the cuff monologue to a therapist.

Well done everyone. And thanks to you all so far for sharing your stories.

Day 2.

@RandomGirl you were likely drinking before you wedding to deal with the anxiety of a.wedding! I've always been in awe of people that can actually plan a wedding and go through with the whole affair!
And the make up lady should never have said that to you. That was a horrendous thing to say. And for sober parties we'll get there one day, life and soul, I'm sure of it.

I thought I was on day 7 but its only day 6 for me. It's still bloody hard going. Hang in there x

@starskey80 my mother would hammer it into me. You never show other people your weaknesses. They’ll use them against you.
She used to say “there’s always someone waiting to step into your shoes” about keeping your partner happy.
Never ask for help at work, you’ll look incompetent and be first in line when redundancies happen.
I could go on. It resulted in me being a very shy and quiet child, afraid of my own shadow with her constantly poking me in the back to ‘stand up for myself’ etc.
That followed me through to adulthood, acting a role, succeeding in my career at all costs, taking on more and more and never asking for help.
I guess something had to give eventually.

@HotelRoomforOne I have definitely been secretive with my drinking - esp since having my daughter. It started getting worse back in the days when I was on Mat leave. I was so bored that I would just drink in the afternoon and then try and hide it from my husband. He knew though. And my secretiveness used to cause massive rows. looking back now, I know that they were all my fault because I was lying in order to try and hide my afternoon drinking. I also funded it through racking up debts - we were skint yet I'd find a way to have a drink. Going to Tesco for some food shopping and sticking a tenner cashback on the bill so that cashpoint withdrawals wouldn't be seen on our joint account statement. More revelations right there there.

Don't worry about the makeup lady, she's my friend and that's how we talk to each other. It was one of the things that I do remember about my wedding day though!

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken Yes, my family are MASSIVE drinkers. They are not healthy drinkers whatsover, there are also a couple of addicts in my family and I find it very easy to drink with them as they make it feel acceptable and normal. But I also have an addictive personality so i can't lay blame at their feet. I'm spending a week with them all at Christmas which was giving me a bit of anxiety last night. Can't think that far ahead though as it's too much to deal with. Got to get to 20 days first.

Day 6 is bloody awesome. That's a hell of a long time!! And day seven is only a few hours away anyway

@FrolickingLemon how you have described yourself if exactly me. I can relate so much with the 'oh it's ok for you as you're so outgoing'... I'm not, I'm a recluse homebird who loves their own company. I'm also the one that always helps others and never every ask for help myself. I keep everything in and then implode. Hurrah for saving £70!

@ErinBrockovich wow we could be sisters. I come from a long line of strong women and you don't show weakness. I always had it in my head I couldn't be vulnerable, my mam meant well and in a way its been good as I'm fiercely independent. But then there's the fact I'm putting on a show, which is tiring. And the the wine to 'unwind' of an evening.
It's interesting isn't it, something to think more about.

Lots of similar here, no one ever believes me that I am shy. I've gotten so used to to forcing myself to do things that scare me that other people don't see it. And yes, buckets of alcohol to 'help'.

Big drinking family. Huge. My aunt married a non drinker and he is still viewed with suspicion and dislike twenty years later. No one talks to him. Crazy shit. My dad was supposed to visit this week (cancelled due to Covid - coming from Ireland) and I was seriously considering faking a pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage to avoid the pressure to drink - now how fucked up is that I ask you!

Oh my goodness, all so similar! Also the strong one, no vulnerabilities etc.... just keep saying yes until I crack. And ditto home bird/ introvert, using booze to put myself out there.

My family are the same @fluckityfluckfluck, nothing more suspicious than a non drinker! I've been lying about my work load to avoid my family until I'm fully comfortable in my sobriety.

Loving this post and the lessons/support we are all able to gain from it. Thank you all!

I would like to join you too please. I totally admire the honesty and support in this thread.

I have finally admitted to myself that I have a problematic relationship with alcohol and no ‘off switch’.

I feel like crap, have put on weight and my daughter shared that she cried as she hates me drinking, so a shit mother too :(

It’s time for change. I would like to make it to the new field, starting today.

Welcome @Wonderbluff. Big hugs. A shit mum wouldn't care so be kind to yourself

2 weeks ago tonight I was out with some girls from work and ended up completely smashed. My DH came to pick me up and I rewarded him by vomiting all over his car. I've no idea how I ended up like that. I'm so embarrassed. The hangover was horrendous but it also made me evaluate just how much I'd been drinking over lockdown and beyond. So I've not had a drink since, and now I realised that I wasn't drinking for enjoyment (like a particular wine with dinner) but out of sheer habit.
I'm grateful for the honesty on this post and typing out this message and seeing my drinking habits noted down in black and white has reinforced I'm doing the right thing.

Welcome @Wonderbluff and @SadieContrary.
As @fluckityfluckfluck said a crap mum wouldn't care, you do. And making this change for your family makes you a legend.
Hugs @Sadie, definitely not alone here and those days are past.
Ooh @BooksMusicSnacks ongrats on the name change, sounds really positive.

Hope everyone is doing ok tonight. I struggled a bit last night, but tonight I'm doing ok. I rang my Mum which I would usually avoid after a certain time as I would probably sound a bit pissed. Had dinner with DD rather than later on my own. And as I sell local produce, I've invited people to collect this evening. Again I would usually ask people to collect before 6pm so it wouldn't interrupt with me 'enjoying my evening' Trying to think of loads of little things to keep me busy.

Welcome @Wonderbluff and @SadieContrary.
Day 2 AF here. I don’t drink every day but when I do I can’t stop.
The revelations keep coming. Today I realised that we always do things close to home in the morning so I don’t have to drive. I don’t want to drive in the mornings because I’m worried I may be over the limit.
So this morning I took my DC to a playground that I have to drive to as I didn’t drink yesterday.
I’m going to start writing my wins on this thread so I don’t forget all the reasons not to drink.
Hope everyone is having a good evening.

Welcome to all the newbies, It seems that a lot of use were using alcohol as a crutch , or perhaps a disguise would be a better way of describing it.
I have often climbed into a bottle and hide from the world but that is only a temporary fix for feeling crap . Facing the real issues is very uncomfortable though .
@BooksMusicSnacks
I love the new name it suits you much better than your old one

@TazMac
Dont be shy , come back and talk to us.

Before this thread gets full I would like to say a huge thank you to @Patbutcherismyhero for staring this thread , you have inspired so many of us to reassess our drinking and our way of living .

stands up to give a round of applause

@AlCalavicci the pleasure is all mine. I wrote it on a particularly bad hangover day and although I have had good and bad days since then I do think that overall I've made progress. I thank you all for that. I check this thread every morning when I wake up and it gives me comfort and inspiration. I hope we can continue or journeys together.

Yes, thanks @Patbutcherismyhero for starting this thread, hope to see you all on the next one! There have been some excellent posts over the last couple of days. It's great that people feel able to be so honest.

Was AF last night. Have had one very small weak beer tonight (1 unit only!) and actually don't feel like having anything else now.

Thank you everyone for such heartfelt posts. I felt really emotional reading them.

I went to see a friend tonight (one I would have previously got pissed with) and happily drove. She was drinking but I didn’t miss it at all. I told her about giving up and she was really supportive which was nice. x