Stopping drinking for a while

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

@fluckityfluckfluck thank you! Sid is scrumptious. That is so cute about your son. My teenagers adore our dog and still cuddle her and chat away to her 💗

@Railingsohno Well done on 6 months. What a milestone! I have managed 4 days AF this week which I'm pleased with. I am aiming for as many AF days next week as possible. There's no denying how much better I feel the morning after an AF night. Moderating for me is going well. I was having a chat with a friend who is also trying to cut back but she really struggles with moderation. If she has one drink she will continue to blackout drunk. Whereas
I'm quite good at setting myself a limit of 2 drinks and sticking to it.

@fluckityfluckfluck Sid is so adorable. And well done on 60 days. It's been great to share the journey with you since from the beginning. I looked at the date this thread started - 21st June. All those who have managed to stay off the booze since then have my utmost respect. Especially during lockdown.

I'm reading Dry - started this morning. Super uncomfortable moment where he talks about taking anti allergy meds so he could drink...

I convinced myself I am randomly allergic to some types of alcoholic drink. Except what caused the reaction was always different. Sometime - and there was no spent link except the alcohol itself, not volume or type etc I would get a very red raised rash all over my face like a mask. Like I'd been burned. I sometimes took anti allergy meds out with me in case when I remembered. That's not good is it? Feel very shaky.

@fluckityfluckfluck we all have these things which make us feel ashamed. Mine is getting friends to bring my kids back from late night school events so I wouldn’t miss my glass of wine in order to drive.

God surely I wasn't drinking enough to cause my body to reject the alcohol like that? I wasn't drinking secretly or more than I've said... I'm a bit in shock to be honest. Could my body have actually been screaming at me not to drink - literally stamping it all over my face - and I still didn't see it

Could it have been a rosacea type reaction?

No it's not like that. My skin becomes red and shiny and raised - you can see the edge of it round my face like a mask

Hugs @fluckityfluckfluck. Remember that is in the past now, we've all had these moments where drink has lead to less then ideal choices. I have roseacea and knew booze made it worse/prob caused it, still kept drinking. You're not that person any more.
I've had times where when drinking and often hot ive had redness on my face and neck- like a flush think it's to do with capillaries cooling?? Could it be that?
Sorry you feel funny..alcohol makes many do many daft things. It's okay, you've left that behind now xxx

4 days AF sounds fab @Patbutcherismyhero! Nice one :)

@fluckityfluckfluck I could tell you lots and lots of mortifying tales about what alcohol has made me do. And how hangovers have also led me to feeling incredibly ashamed about not being able to do certain things. But you are past that now.

And I am sat with my dp who has just cracked open a nice bottle of red and not feeling at all jealous. I think this must be progress!

I feel like I could cry. Or drink a bottle of wine

@fluckityfluckfluck don't do either! Well cry if you need to but then remember how far you've come and how amazingly well you've done.

It used to happen maybe once every two years but I can think of three times in past 18 months or so. Thanks Pat. Fucking hell

Its okay @fluckityfluckfluck, its only because you're looking at booze with a different lens now that it feels so insane- societally we are conditioned to drink and want to drink, I'm sure many drinkers would do the same. Think of all the people who puke so they can continue drinking! That's surely worse. I didn't take a course of antibiotics once because I'd have had to not drink. My brother drank to excess the night before chemo. Now that is mental.

Okay am going to give you 3 terrible things booze made me do to show you are not alone.. (and these are the ones I remember)

1. I passed out face down on a bog seat at a wedding, the staff had to open up the loo to find me.
2. I had to take my daughter to school late/drive to work late more than once because I drank too much the night before.
3. I sat in the road and refused to move on a night out IN LONDON.

Theres many many many more. Its okay, honestly love. We've all done daft stuff. Be gentle to you. Maybe check out Quit, the stuff she's done will pale that into insignificance xx

Also, you are a non drinker now @fluckityfluckfluck. That's not you anymore. That's past. Xx

Also, you are a non drinker now @fluckityfluckfluck. That's not you anymore. That's past. Xx

Thanks for being so kind. I've done some crazy shit when drunk but always knew those things were awful if that makes sense - however I completely did not see that my body was telling me it was being poisoned and I thought it normal to take anti allergy tablets so I could still drink.

It just hit me, you know? Like how much clearer did I want it to be....

I've also had lots of uncomfortable memories - like xh trying to get me to leave a pub and then telling me he was sick of not being able to relax when out with me as he had to always make sure I was ok etc. Maybe it was more of an issue than I've wanted to acknowledge.

Thanks for all the kindness x

@fluckityfluckfluck go easy on yourself. This is not you now. You are doing absolutely brilliantly.

@fluckityfluckfluck I used to take A make up bag out with me whenever I went out. There was no make up in it though, instead it contained Imodium, Kalms, paracetamol, ibuprofen and Rennie - to counteract every effect that drinking has on me. And so I wouldn’t have to go home. I feel uneasy going to the pub without this bit of kit.

Many a time my daughter wouldn’t go to events as it would get in the way of my drinking time. Or I’d be too hungover to drive. Many a fake tale I’ve spun to her friends mums so that they’d take her to parties etc. My daughter has missed school before because my husband and I have been to hungover to take her. It never bothered me at the time but reflecting now makes me feel incredibly uneasy. But then that’s why we’re all talking to each other and being honest and supporting each other to make changes big or small

I regularly get a red face from drinking as well.

We are all in this together @fluckityfluckfluck don't worry. Xxx

Thank you all so much. And thank Christ for this thread. You ladies have saved me this evening

Anytime lovely. You've been an incredible support to us all.
This thread is wonderful isn't it?!

I love it ❤️

By the way, I’m on Page 86 of Dry - have read the section you were referring to. It’s so relatable.

@fluckityfluckfluck
Look at the post that you wrote at 6.20 this morning,
firstly would the drinking version of you be up and about ( or even just awake ) at 6.20 on a sunday ? Some how I doubt it
second reread it , you have done 60 days ! sixty days that is amazing .
Don't be so hard on yourself , we have all done things we regret when drinking , I have wet myself on numerous occasions, to the extent that I started wearing Tenas to try to hide the problem .

You are doing amazing , dont let that feeling go .
I am glad Sid is settling in so well , I bet the DCs did not want to leave him .

@Railingsohno ,
The only place that sell it is Salisbury but I dont have one near me , I dont drive so it would mean 2 buses . If they sold it in cans I'd give it a go but the last time I bought bottled cider I manged to crack two bottles in my trolley on my way home .
I may sign up to their delivery's though as they do their own version of AF cider too.
8 months is fantastic ! , you have def nailed it .
I loved photography , many years ago , well before digital cameras me and my DD went out together all around the uk taking photos , we had a dark room in our cellar so we could print our own photos I spent may happy hours with him trying assorts of trick photography.
Make sure you print your favourites and put them in a album and for the love of your sanity write on the back of them where they were taken , who / what is in the shot and the date .
So many time we looked back at outs and said where the hell is that bridge and whos is that dog / kid / car on it . .

@Patbutcherismyhero
Well done on the 4 days , it sounds like the moderation is going really well for you, do you think your friend would want to join us on hear ? or do you want to keep this area of your life privet ( very understandable)
perhaps you could recommend some of the books / podcast you have been using .

Well I have a stupid early start again tomorrow , it is already well past my bed time so I am going to slurp my last bit of Ghost ship and toddle of to bed with Bill Bryson ( oo er missues )
Lets hope we all have a good week .