Stopping drinking for a while

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

@AlCalaviccia and everyone else- I got my AF Thatchers here and they do lots of other AF drinks too. Not that cheap but I did a bulk buy and got free delivery. I got some mocktails to try and find AF lager for my DH

drydrinker.com/

Ps @fluckityfluckfluck I hope you’re OK. This is your wobble, give Sid a cuddle and think how far you’ve come. You knew you didn’t have a healthy attitude to drink so now you’re a bit distanced from it you can see it clearly and it’s a shock. It sounds like you’ve maybe been in denial about the extent of things. That you can see it now is huge progress. 💗 It’s ok to be sad and upset - you maybe need to feel it? And not numb it (as we have done in the past).

Hope you are feeling much better @fluckityfluckfluck, you have come so far, Back Yourself!! (as the Australians say) and keep going forward. You are strong and smart!

As for cringe moments, I have a few...

I got into a mid- city taxi plastered and asked, in all seriousness, the taxi driver if he knew where I lived.
Took me 15 mins to remember my own address, I had lost my wallet and phone.
This was the same night I kissed a customer at a nightclub where my partner was present and working as a bar tender. Disgraceful.

I went for a sleep over aged 15 at my best friends house, got wasted at her cousin's 21st in front of her entire extended family. Later that night I dreamt the corner of her room was the toilet and pissed on the carpet. Tried, mortified, to clean it up before friend woke. Her dog came in later and sniffed the corner of the room and took a piss IN the same spot. My best friend's mother forbade her from being my friend from then on
. I feel burning hot disgrace thinking about that almost 25 years later!!

MY first day AF last week my brain went into total meltdown and I said the most horrible things to my partner of 18 years. Things I wouldn't forgive. I dont know where that leaves us. The realisation that I couldn't drink anymore just sent me into a terrible state. Day 5 today, my brain still feels like liquid but I'm not going back. I can't do this hellish bit over again and again

And @fluckityfluckfluck your link to the analogy of the field has really helped me, thank you so much for that. I am no longer going to torture myself with quitting again and again.
And thank you ALL for your help and your support. I am going to apologise to my partner, stop avoiding him. The abuse I was hurling at him was everything I felt about myself, so disgusted was I with my own drinking behaviour.

Have a great week everyone.

@HotelRoomforOne Thanks for your posts, that was incredibly honest of you - especially the part where you said ‘The abuse I was hurling at him was everything I felt about myself’. That made me think a lot.
It does feel like torture when I ‘quit’ over and over. It has to be said that this is the first time I’ve stopped drinking and actually felt like I’m going to do it.

This is Day 8 AF - it’s a small number but a huge achievement for me. I had a great weekend, it was really productive (for me!). My husband even drank both days and I wasn’t tempted at all. I told him about my goals which are to be AF for 20 days then, during our anniversary weekend, then during our week away on holiday, then up to Christmas, then during our Christmas break away at the In Law’s and then NYE, and then into next year. He said that it was going to be a big challenge for me which I am aware of and that is why I have broken it down into chunks and just focusing on getting to each milestone rather than just saying ‘I’m No longer going to drink’.

Also - I have a whole back catalogue of embarrassing tales that make me cringe to my spleen so we’re all definitely not alone in that field.

Tired this morning, could do with an extra hour’s sleep! I am having a lot more crazy/stressful dreams lately - perhaps I’ve always have them but feel them more now as I’m not so comatose these days! 🤷🏼‍♀️

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken also, sorry, forgot to reply - not a vet! But I do work in healthcare.

Here is something very reaffirming! I just have my husband a ‘goodbye‘ kiss and cuddle and my beer belly did NOT get in the way! This is huge. (So was my belly ) He even said, ‘wow Random! There you are!’.

That’s made my day already!

I'm glad the field analogy helped @HotelRoomforOne - it really made something click for me. It's also why I'm not sure I can ever really moderate, especially not with wine.

I have this thing I do with Facebook memories, they used to make me so sad - to see the memories of 13 years with xh and family photos etc. Then I started picturing the bigger picture of what life was actually like around the time of the photo and realised I wasn't really happy - yes I was smiling and it was a nice moment but that was around the time that he did a, b or c....

Random but bare with me - I'm applying the same to all the positive associations I have with wine, so when I think of a party without wine I'm now trying to focus on all the positives - not falling over / saying something awful / blacking out etc. The rose tinted version (excuse the pun) is never the reality.

I'm feeling resolved this morning. Still have the shame hangover but think those kind of revelations are necessary to reinforce why I am doing this.

Thank you everyone - and well done @HotelRoomforOne re apologising. Just think it could be the last time you ever behave or feel like that

Not sure how the bold happened - sorry! And yippee for the belly win @RandomGirl

Hello everyone, you are all doing so well!

@fluckityfluckfluck I'm glad you have got past that wobble. It's all in the past now, don't give yourself a hard time.

@RandomGirl good news on the beer belly front!

I don't know what happened to me this week. I only managed one AF day, which hasn't happened since the start of lockdown. Very fed up with myself.

My danger zone is drinking while cooking dinner. I enjoy doing that so much, but it needs to stop.

Anyway, it's a new week, I have no wine in the house, so should be fine for now!

Nice one @Randomgirl! It's great how quickly the belly starts to dissipate once it's no longer being topped up daily. Definitely a bonus to the situation!

Morning all, can I join please?
My story is long. I’ve always had issues with alcohol. I’ve done AF periods before when pregnant and bf (probably 3 of the past 5 years) but lockdown has seen me drinking at weekends again and it’s time to stop before it gets a problem. Last night I couldn’t get drunk. I have this sometimes and I think it’s building up a tolerance. I tend to drink to get drunk. I can’t do moderation. Drinking on a Sunday is unusual for me and another sign I need to reign it back in.
So the plan is to do 30 days AF. Hopefully lose a little bit of weight in the process and get my weekends back.

Hi @NeedAUserNameAllTaken good idea replacing the drink with other stuff.
I have in the ho lots of freshly found coffee and fizzy water and lemon, nighttime tea before bed.
I am feeling particularly worn out today with children and head bends and climbing 1 year old.

Yay for the progress re belly @RandomGirl! I've found I'm eating more and getting away with more now I'm a bottle of wine down. It's amazing. Those steps sound great, breaking it into doable chunks.

That sounds like amazing progress @HotelRoomforOne. Ive definitely said some horrible things to my OH when ratted. Oh and also forgot where I lived! Nearly got in a car with 3 lads in a very very dodgy area, my husband had to scream at me not to. Not my finest moment. There by the Grace of God and all that. Had to get a bus driver to take me to the supermarket so my husband could collect me. That one still sits horribly. Hopefully talking things through will help you guys move forwards especially as time goes by and you both trust in this new you.

@fluckityfluckfluck glad you are okay. I'm increasingly having cringe moments. I think maybe part of the process? That sounds like a really good strategy. One of the authors I read suggested this- apparently it also rewires your brain out of the drinking habit, so a really good strategy. Re rose tinted memories; just think we get to remember them now!

Hey @Darcysshirt, sorry its not been the best week. Dinner used to be my danger spot too. It's a new week, cheering you on.

Welcome @ErinBrockovich, you've come to the right place! Lots of us unable to do moderation on here! Good luck on the 30 days.

Have a good week all!

Following and joining if I may please. Although it's looking like you guys will soon be on to thread 2!

I'm fat and unfit. Drink too much. Which isn't doing anything for my health. 49 yrs old and arthritic, perimenopausal. Going AF I'd a no brainer. I enjoyed a little too much vodka at the weekend, fell and twisted my ankle. I'm sick of being stuck in this rut. It's just a rubbish habit. I eat and drink too fast therefore I get pissed quickly and stuff my face. Losing weight, saving money and having a clear head would be amazing. Never mind it will help with all my mid aged health issues and shit skin too. So my first AF night was last night. Again it's a no brainer really. I did 3 weeks at the beginning of lockdown then up started again. Tit that I am. Having read back the last few pages, I have to get it into my head that I've no desire to do this part over and over again so stick to it and shut the voices down that are telling me I'm missing out. Yeah, missing out on feeling crap and literally pouring money down the drain!

Well that's my pep talk to myself for this morning!

Hi @ErinBrockovich and @FrolickingLemon - this is such a good thread for the exact reasons you’ve both mentioned. It’s a bit time consuming but it’s very motivating to read the entire thread from Page 1 to present. Especially seeing people’s journeys and successes, blips, and general support for each other. It’s really helped my mindset. I love people’s honesty and non-judgement. It’s a great group of people.

Hi ladies, I didnt manage the six AF days, did five last week.
Drank too much saturday and had a whopper headache sunday. So sunday was a bed and netflix day. So basically wasted. Urghhhh, the only good thing is I didnt make a tit of myself at friends house, no blackouts.

Will try again for six AF days this week. Am slightly pleased that I didnt drink thursday, for second week running.

I have plenty of shameful stories. I cringe years after the fact.

Thanks for the welcome. I’m on the edge of asking the GP for antidepressants. I’m hoping to avoid it by stopping drinking and seeing how much that helps (it undoubtedly should right?).

Lockdown just finished me off. I had to close up my business which I only started in January and I’m back to being a full time SAHM, except now I also have DH at home full time as well as my children, so someone else to be cooking for/cleaning up after etc.

Lockdown made me realise how much my friendships are dependent on going out and drinking and how few good friends I actually have. Take away the school run and I basically have no one to talk to.
Old work friends have drifted away and whilst the school mums are fine for a wave hello I don’t see them away from the school environment. Uni friends all live miles away and I don’t live where I grew up and didn’t keep many school friends.

I put on weight during lockdown, partly because of the drinking but also because I find it hard to exercise in the evenings because I’m tired and I have my children at home full time so can’t do anything during the day.

I brought a pair of jeans when the shops re-opened and they were too small so I took them back and got the next size up and they are also super tight. I couldn’t face exchanging them for another size up so they are sitting in the wardrobe unworn. Im hoping by the end of 30 AF days they may fit. It’s something to aim for.

I almost deleted that post because it all sounds so pathetic but having read the whole thread now I can see I’m not alone with some of these issues and hopefully being honest and sharing some truths here will actually help me to change.

Hi @ErinBrockovich I was on Prozac for the last 6 years and just before lockdown I’d decided that I’d had enough so started weaning myself off them (that’s a whole different thread!). It was so so tough and my emotions were all over the place but i decided that I just wanted to ‘feel’ things again and not be numb. After it was out of my system I started getting anxiety attacks again and was waking up in the middle of the night feeling hideous and scared. I did think about going back on to them but I knew it wasn’t what I wanted And so realised I had to address the cause of the attacks. I basically realised that it was alcohol - heavy drinking, daily drinking - sometimes even just a couple of drinks. I was a walking bottle of Kalms! I started to go AF and they stopped straight away. Then i has a blip and had a three day binge and they came back immediately. I knew there and then that I had to quit drinking - for so many reasons but mainly my mental health. I’m only on Day 8 AF but I can safely assure that I have not had one bout of anxiety throughout this. And that in itself is my motivation right there. Maybe try seeing how you get on going AF for a bit before decided to commit to antidepressants, they do calm your thoughts and allow to think more rationally in the beginning but after a while you’re very dependent on them and they’re a bugger to come off when you are ready to do so. It can’t be done quickly so you’ll have to allow about three months to do it safely. (Apologies if you know all if this already).

We’re always here for support!

Hello, can I join please? I’ll be back later with my story.

@RandomGirl I don’t know much about them tbh because I guess I’ve used alcohol to medicate myself previously and now it feels like I’m ready to try and stop drinking and I’m not sure how I’ll cope with the loneliness and sadness I feel.

@ErinBrockovich you may surprise yourself and find that being AF might give you a different perspective and drive? What could you do to combat feeling or sad, going forward?

Can I join the thread please!

My story pretty much mirrors most on this thread.. I'm drinking far too much and every day too. A bottle of wine is nothing to me now I'm on fluoxetine too which does stable music depression but the anxiety I feel every day is awful, a real physical feeling of nervousness in my chest. And I obviously have a permanent headache.

I had a weekend on my own as dc were with their dad and I pretty much slept in, started drinking wine all afternoon to relive the anxiety and just felt lost and lonely.

Today I have decided I don't want to drink anymore. I feel tired, head fog, low and a feeling of self loathing.

So many of us struggling with the wretched booze. Welcome @FrolickingLemon @ErinBrockovich @TazMac @CherryCocktails

I’m another who needs to join you. My drinking is terrible lately.