Stopping drinking for a while

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

He's so good @NeedAUserNameAllTaken I'm crate training and sleeping on the couch in the same room as him and he's waking every three hours for a wee but haven't even had an accident inside yet!

He seems very settled and secure - doesn't cry or always follow me when I leave the room.

The kids are meeting him today - a complete surprise. They aren't home until Sunday but their dad has said they can come for a bit today to meet him as I've been bursting

@fluckityfluckfluck oh he sounds like a dream! I wouldn’t be able to contain myself either. Can’t wait to hear about their reaction - I’m excited for you!!

@AlCalavicci haven't heard from you in ages is all okay?

Thanks @RandomGirl I'm just delighted. I've nick named him (in my head not vocalising it) Sober Sid. No way I could have committed to this while consuming 5 bottles of wine a week that's for sure. I also weighed myself this morning and am now 15 lb down. I can see my old self emerging in so many ways.

Hope everyone else is doing well, Happy Friday ladies and thank you for the wonderful thread. I'm going to check out Dry and Running with scissors thanks for the Rec's

@fluckityfluckfluck 15lbs is fantastic! I bought some batteries for the scales on amazon yesterday and they should be here today. I feel like I might have lost a bit of weight so I’m looking forward to them arriving.

My husband and I spent all evening planning how we are going to save for our deposit for a mortgage. We went through our finances and we realised that we already have 10% of our goal (our holiday was cancelled and so we had our deposit returned). We’ve already frittered away £1k of it so we put the rest into an ISA so we can’t touch it and also siphoned off a couple hundred quid that we had in our account (this would have been spent on booze and crap this weekend had we been drinking!) so that we couldn’t touch it. It’s so motivating seeing the actual cash that we would have just wasted away. I’m buzzing. We have told ourselves that we will allow ourselves a certain ‘living budget‘ each week that we have to stick to and anything that is remaining from that on a Sunday gets put into the mortgage savings. I’ve never been excited about saving money - EVER! I’m an habitual spender (usually when I’m feeling low) so this is a whole new experience for me. I can feel myself becoming tighter by the second!

Also, and perhaps the craziest, we have signed up to a personal trainer who is now going to come to our house once a week, starting next week, and work with us in our garden - eeek!

I was up at 6am this morning feeling fresh and even started work - I’m going to finish earlier today now.

I know that this flurry of excitement is new and will probably wain off into boredom at some point so I’m just making the most of these new feelings whilst I can - I hope it doesn’t sound braggy? I have a few social events coming up that will definitely challenge me and thinking about them does give me the fear. I’m trying not to think abut things that are in the future as in don’t want it to put me off the present.

Hope everyone has a lovely day and is feeling a bit cooler? I might even put a jumper on!

@Randomgirl Well done with 5 days AF. Especially as you have family members drinking around you. The money you are saving on alcohol will help towards a place of your own for your husband and yourself.
I had a good run selling clothes on Ebay last year, making about $800. It can take some time but the stuff does eventually sell! So I can recommend that. You could set up an AF account in your internet bank and put funds directly in there and watch it grow!

I try to visualise the future. Today is day 2 for me and I have had a really ugly argument with my partner, so not good... but not drinking. My mood is really affected by the withdrawal from the alcohol. This time is brutal.

@fluckityfluckfluck have a wonderful weekend with your kids and puppy! Having a puppy sounds a lot like having a baby to mind, so it is a wonderful gift you are giving them, not only the puppy but also your care of it!

@Patbutcherismyhero and for starting us all in the right direction. We can do this. When I get time this weekend I am going to read back over the whole thread for advice and to get to know you all better.
Happy Friday!

@RandomGirl It's okay to be proud and celebrate, you are doing great. So lovely your DH is on the same page as you. I've been doing the 16/8 intermittent fasting which also supports the non drinking as calories can't be consumed outside your eating hours which I've set at Between 11 and 7.

@HotelRoomforOne have you got the Quit App? It's shows how many days each stage takes for eg brains cells regenerate after 3 days and all withdrawal symptoms gone in a week etc. I found it very helpful. Well done for staying strong through the fall out, it's not easy. And amazing on the eBay money!

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken thank you for the welcome here. How did you cope with lock down after stopping drinking. Did you replace with any other coping mechanisms? I have always drunk too much but lockdown really kicked it up a notch into dangerous territory.

@HotelRoomforOne Thank you, I appreciate your encouragement. Half way through listing my eBay stuff I got really bored and nearly sacked it off when the pile was not getting any smaller but I did it and now its done so, like you say, hopefully it will all sell at some point. I've even brought some more stuff downstairs to list later.

Well done on Day 2! I always feel great just even stepping into Day 2. I think I am just as proud as getting to Day 2 than any other day.

Sorry to hear about your argument, do you think this is a temporary glitch in your relationship or something perhaps a bit more serious? How do you feel about it? If you can get to Day 3 then you may start to feel less cloudy and start to begin putting things into perspective. I know that I am far more of an arse to my husband when I'm drinking and likewise, he can be a real dick when he's hungover / v.drunk. That causes problems for us as we say things that are just really unnecessary and then are harder to forgive and forget. I do love to hold a grudge!

It's a great idea to read back through this post - I have done so as well and it really is inspirational to see people's journey's and also the support from everyone if someone has a blip. This is a great group. I never thought I'd be a forum girl but here I am and loving it.

I hope you have some time for yourself today - arguing with a partner is so draining emotionally and mentally

@fluckityfluckfluck Thank you . I have been finding the intermittent fasting relatively easy - I'm not intentionally dieting but find that I'm naturally choosing better options to eat. I'm doing 12-8 though as my husband doesn't get home too early and it's nice to eat together. That being said though, I am pretty hungry this morning!

And thank you, it is good that we're finally on the same page at the same time - normally one of us wants it more than the other and so it hasn't ever worked out.

My daughter and I really want a dog but can't due to this not being our own home - I'm going to live out my puppy dreams vicariously through you until we can!!

Hi @HotelRoomforOne, I'm sorry you had an ugly argument with your OH, it must be a really difficult time. I hear you re the lockdown levels of booze, I bought loads to make sure I had enough wine then proceeded to drink it all it was ridiculous! First thing I did was get stuck into Quit Lit. I had originally joined deciding to have a break, then read The Sober Diaries and Alcohol Explained which is when it clicked for me. These made giving up seem a gift which helped. But I then did add in more self care as I knew my drinking was to try to relax (although I've since learnt it does the opposite), so I commit to a weekly yoga class online that I never miss; going AF meant some weeks I could afford two. I originally did intermittent fasting to close the window I could drink. Atm I'm all about enjoying the things I used to "forbid" myself through Weight watching as I have a whole bottle of wine calories spare! So lovely hot chocolates before bed, full fat coke, the odd slice of cake and Heineken zero- lots! I added in mediation and a gratitude diary. It helps that I also spoke to my mum on zoom a few times and every time she was hammered, really made me think: do I want to be this for my daughter? Keeps me on track. I've also selected a beautiful ring that I would never buy myself and am using my quit app to track when I can afford it as a proper reminder that this is my beautiful life choice. It spurs me on. I also treated myself to a stupidly expensive yoga mat as I'd saved enough! Basically anything that shows what a gift this new sober life is I'm trying! And the app; watching my body heal is so inspiring. It keeps me going because I see that yeah I'm feeling great but in another month there will be more benefits coming and to keep going . Hope that helps! Sorry its an essay

@RandomGirl that's wonderful, what a fantastic motivation! Cheering you on :) and definitely celebrate its awesome!!

@fluckityfluckfluck amazing! And so glad that Sid is settling so well and providing such joy and motivation. Enjoy the kids meeting him!

I actually told a friend what I was doing yesterday, didn't say forever but I think I'm telling my friend/colleague.... part of me is a little scared I'll feel I HAVE to do this then if I do and then the stubborn child in me will want to rebel but another wonders if that's a get out clause.... but I feel like maybe its time to up my commitment to this life choice, my OH and daughter know already but feel like I need to be more open on it in general. Will we if the moment feels right. Sorry waffle!

Oh and the other thing I do @HotelRoomforOne is I've reframed the way I see alcohol, so I used to think "oh today was so awful, I need wine to cope" now I think "today was so awful, the last thing I need is wine!" I read up enough now to truly believe and know that. I also realise that issues in my own marriage can be dealt with much better when I'm sober so keep that in mind when we hit bumps along the way. Hope that helps x

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken I've been the same with treat food. As I am off this week I've been sticking to the 11/7 thing but eating lots of nice things, scones with jam and cream and for tea the other day I had a bowl of crumble with cream and ice cream and lots of Heineken zero!

Ooh yes! I could do that too! Good plan. Thanks @fluckityfluckfluck. Yeah lots of ice creams have been eaten here

Thank you @NeedAUserNameAllTaken for what you wrote. And I love essays, all the details are wonderful. You are doing great positive things for yourself.
What you said about reframing- I have to reframe my attitude towards my whole life, basically, drinking first, then hopefully I can move forward in other areas too. Scared of the problems that are going to be revealed by sobriety, but they have to be addressed. Drinking has kept everything else at a distance for so long.
Well done on the yoga! My parents also drink a lot, and I dont want to be that for my children either..

It's winter in Melbourne but I am heading out for a de-stressing walk. There is an 8pm curfew and mandatory face mask even when excercising, but here goes!!

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken I can relate to absolutely everything you've just written - about this being MY life - why am I giving it up to alcohol?! Do I want my daughter to see me as that person and also normalise drinking heavily? Switching my mindset to 'needing wine to cope with a bad day' to 'I've had a bad day - wine is the last thing I need'.

Your app sounds better than the one I am using but I can't quite face inputting all my data in again just yet!

@HotelRoomforOne you are very welcome. We will be here with you very step of the way and a clear head and calm mind will make these changes much easier. Yay on the walk, daily walks keep me sane too xx

Love the way you put it @RandomGirl, yes! Our lives are for living! Lol; well when you can its called Quit Drinking :)

There's some great reframing in Quit....resonated with some of the things and feelings we've been discussing. @Railingsohno she talks of the grief you mentioned x

My book ‘Dry’ turned up however I somehow managed to order the complete wrong book! what a dollop.

Dollop

So.... I’m getting the friday frustration - finished work early as I was up early and I’m now feeling restless and bored. Also, feeling frustrated as I don’t know what to so tomorrow - husband is working and it’s going to raining. I’d normally meet my friend for ‘lunch’ (which she has suggested) - I don’t know what to do to film the time. Any suggestions gratefully received. I feel like I need to get out if the house but not sure what to do due to the weather. Just to add not the sort of person who likes to do artsy crafty, creative, home type things on a rainy day - bores the shit out of me! I have googled ‘what to do on a rainy day with kids’...

ess.com/blog/20-rainy-day-activities-for-families-during-covid-19/

...and I lost the will to live .

This is definitely trigger time for me

Ignore the typos!

Just eliminate booze from all considerations - if there was no alcohol left in the world what would you like to do today - then do that or as close to it as you can

Just went went and pulled all of the weeds up in the front garden and put some pot plants out there. Looks nice. And now my husband is home so all good for this evening 🙂

Glad you're okay! Hot chocolates and a movie would be my go to. Or wrap up and go jump in puddles!