Stopping drinking for a while

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

I do love a good book Taz so will trust you and get this next

I think it’s easier to give up completely than try and moderate. It has been for me anyway.

I'm sure you're right. On that podcast there was a whole episode on why it's so hard to moderate. The first reason (of 6, I think) being that as soon as you have one drink, the alcohol starts affecting your decision-making and therefore makes it immediately less likely you'll succeed in moderating.

Let's face it, if we could all easily and successfully moderate, none of us would be on this thread! Most of us have probay tried multiple times in the past to moderate in various ways (only 2 glasses, only at weekends, only beer, a soft drink in between each alcoholic one, only drink until 9pm etc etc!). And yet here we are!

The first reason (of 6, I think) being that as soon as you have one drink, the alcohol starts affecting your decision-making and therefore makes it immediately less likely you'll succeed in moderating.

Yep. We manage by buying a bottle of wine and not opening it until 9. The only shop in walking distance closes at 10. Sad when you think about it, it would be nice if we could share a bottle earlier on and then happily stop drinking.

I agree with the moderating being so hard, I had 6 AF days last week but on Saturday I planned just s couple.. well that didn't happen I had half a bottle of gin in the end. Back motivated today though however I am out again on yhe weekend. I think I need to just keep focusing on more AF days rather than moderating when I do drink.

I'll be checking out the reading recommendations too, thank you @TazSyd

So I've decided to be nice to myself and if I can't have wine I'm going to have a very small slice of chocolate orange tart after dinner tonight.

I had a mars ice cream and a Heineken zero. Hit the spot nicely

I think it’s easier to give up because then you you’ve made your decision and you don’t give alcohol as much headspace. “Is it an AF night tonight? No, great I’ll just have the one oh ooops just drank that quickly but it’s ok I’ll have a night off tomorrow. Oh I’ve got AF night tonight but that’s ok I can have a drink tomorrow” ad infinitum but with a lot of angst and self loathing in between.

I think too it’s more helpful to think about what you gain by giving up rather than what you’re “giving up”

I’m still struggling with this. But there’s lots I really don’t miss and I have gained so much. However there are a few drinks that I really do miss (at the end of a hard day/when the kids are winding me up...) Weirdly I don’t miss the social ones as they always came with the fear and a hangover!

Drank again tonight. Monday is usually a pretty easy night for me to stay AF but DP made himself one and after a day of positivity for the week ahead I had a weak moment and thought fuck it. The best bit was that we ended up having a stupid row and have spent the night drinking separately in different rooms anyway. I'm really annoyed with myself. Why do I do this? I'm exactly the same with food. I start the day with good intentions - I won't drink, I won't snack. And I maintain this all day until it gets to the evening and I end up pouring a drink and pigging out on crisps and sweets and chocolate before I even have dinner. It's almost like compulsion. I'm really disgusted with my lack of willpower and this horrendous rut I've gotten into. I need to find the strength and determination to just say no.

I've been researching some of the book recommendations on here and I think I'm going to order a couple tomorrow. I need to do something.

Try again tomorrow Pat.

I very nearly cracked tonight too, but just managed not to.

Hi @Patbutcherismyhero don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow is a other day. Monday is just a practice.

I was AF tonight but honestly it was a struggle. There was half a bottle of Prosecco and half a bottle of rose in the fridge left over from yesterday (I know, left over alcohol wtf?!) Anyway, I tipped the prosecco away but the Rose is still in the fridge. I was going DH would cave but he told me to just throw it away. I think if you DP isn't on board with AF then it's a much, much harder battle.

Saying that my exH wasn't a drinker and he was a right boring twat so can't have it both ways

I like one or two glasses of wine every eve, so not much but a habit? I love the relaxing feeling?

Sending a hug Pat, we've all been there; I've had many Mondays where I've thought "sod it!" You're definitely not the only one. Tomorrow is a new day. Be kind to yourself xx

I've been reading the sober diaries tonight, I can highly recommend. Really struck a chord for me and has inspired me so much.... also a really good read! Might help? It's certainly helped me.

This might be the most obvious thing in the world but it wasn't to me... I keep no booze in the house and only buy myself one cooking bottle of wine to drink of an eve. I dont live near a shop so couldn't pop out. Made all the difference to me

Yep perhaps I need to go down the route of having no booze in the house so the choice is removed.

I'm going to order The Sober Diaries today and perhaps This Naked Mind too as that seems to focus more on readjusting the thoughts and habits around alcohol. I'm very guilty of thinking 'oh it's only two drinks it's not harming anyone' but over a week those two drinks per night add up and then if I have even more at a weekend it becomes way over my recommended allowance.

I thought binge drinking while I was out at certain events - nights out, weddings, and so on - was my main issue (it is, I always make a twat of myself). But I can see now that my habitual drinking is just as bad in some ways.

Good luck Pat. I really found that reading and podcasts really had a huge impact on me and think that is the difference for me this time.

Hugs Pat, I've had many a cringe after a forgotten night where I've been a bit too "fun!" And resolved to do better next time, needless to say that was rare....
Same for me, habitual drinking adds up to far more than I'd like. As someone who loves a glass of wine, the idea of giving up was intolerable but I'm starting to think actually maybe it would be freeing?!! I think this is from all the stuff I'm reading. That said it's day 2 so easy to say atm! I definitely intend to chuck out the wine, make it easier on myself.
Am thinking maybe something like yoga might help me too; help with self acceptance and can't drink wine whilst doing it! might be worth a shot?

Good luck, you can do it x

The half open bottle of rose has been thrown down the sink by my own fair hands this morning

Nice one!

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken it is very freeing!

@Patbutcherismyhero good luck. Why not just give it up for now and see how you get on? If nothing else you’ll reset your relationship with alcohol. You may decide to stay AF.

don't feel bad. Remember its an additive substance so its not that easy to quit.
The books mentioned above are great. Definitely worth a read. I stopped drinking 2 years ago and wish I had done it years ago.

I agree there's something freeing about deciding to just not drink at all. Don't get me wrong, I've barely started so I'm not an expert, and I know there will be times in my life when i will have a drink.

But I noticed I was spending so much time thinking about drinking, or not drinking, or how much, or when, etc. It takes up a lot of brain space and interferes with other stuff.

One of the big things for me was having to be a taxi service for teenage ds. He'd go out for the day / evening, round to his girlfriend's, out with his mates etc and I'd have to weigh up whether or not I could time a drink so that I could still pick him up. So if he didn't want to come home until 8 or 9pm I'd get really antsy and resentful because that meant I couldn't get stuck into the wine until after I'd collected him. I've even got texts where I've said, you'll have to get yourself home / get a cab because I want a glass of wine. And it just started to feel kind of sleazy and crap - 'oh I need to get the bus home tonight because my mum wants to get stuck into the Pinot'. He's 17, it's not like he's 13 or whatever but I suddenly realised I was doing what I'd spent years raging at his father for - putting the booze before ds - and it had to stop.

So now, I don't have that argument with myself, I don't feel shitty about my choices anymore because there's no longer a choice. I'm not drinking at home, job done, no dilemma.

Actually Box that might be the way forward for me, not drinking alone or when I have the kids would be a great thing. Although I would still have the potential to make a sick of myself amount others which is a favourite of mine