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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent colleague

83 replies

mrsbeeton999 · 21/06/2020 07:16

Colleague has 12 week old baby plus other children. We are now working from home for at least next 18 months. When work announced this she immediately requested returning from maternity leave ASAP and only took the absolute minimum legal time off. Obviously she has other children at home like a lot of is do but now her husband is back at work and she hasn’t got baby in nursery. I can see she is under pressure and exhausted but feel she should still be on maternity leave. She hadn’t been here long so was only on minimum maternity pay hence coming back. She is on 2 projects with me but appears to be doing no work. Always late for meetings and when she’s on video calls she’s constantly ducking off screen and not joining in. I’m really resenting my work allowing her back.

OP posts:

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/06/2020 07:21

I don't think your employer had a choice - you tell work you're returning from mat leave, it's not something where you're asking and they can say no.

I think you need to make sure your line manager is aware of the impact it's having on you, and that you keep making them aware. Don't say anything directly to the colleague but your manager needs to know if it's essentially leaving you doing two people's work and come up with a solution.

I do feel very sorry for her - she must be very desperate for the money to put herself in this position.

GinDaddyRedux · 21/06/2020 07:22

@mrsbeeton99

Why resent someone for gaining a perceived advantage, maybe she needs the money?

IF (and I say if) there is a performance issue here or you're carrying more workload? Then raise it constructively with your line manager. Detail and document the areas in which you are being stretched and where you think it could have an impact on the project/client/work

If however you're just resentful that someone else has come back "too soon" and is on a cushy number, then YABU and have a on me.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/06/2020 07:25

Oh yes, my answer was on the assumption that you're picking up her work on these projects. If it doesn't actually impact on your work and just annoys you in the abstract then it really isn't any of your business and you shouldn't say anything about it.

Cadent · 21/06/2020 07:28

I think you need to make sure your line manager is aware of the impact it's having on you, and that you keep making them aware. Don't say anything directly to the colleague but your manager needs to know if it's essentially leaving you doing two people's work and come up with a solution.

I agree with LisaSimpson.

I feel sorry for the woman but your employer needs to sort this out. I’m currently in a situation where a male colleague is refusing to take ownership of his work and it’s extremely frustrating.

SadSisters · 21/06/2020 07:28

Did she really only take two weeks of mat leave?

Regardless, it’s her choice. Your work can’t refuse to let her return. It’s something she had complete control over, once the two week mandatory minimum is up. I also don’t think it’s reasonable to resent someone for making whatever decision they need to for the financial security of her family. I expect she would rather be on maternity leave if she could be.

If her performance has been poor, this is something you can and should raise with your line manager. While she is entitled to return to work, she has to be able to actually do the work. If she is not meeting expectations, speak to your work and they may be able to offer her additional support.

Original poster

mrsbeeton999 · 21/06/2020 07:29

I didn’t say it is impacting me as now I’m Considered to be sharing the load on those projects I’m meant to be taking on another large project alone so am under pressure. I will speak to line manager but wanted to see if I’m being mean spirited or not First

OP posts:

Cadent · 21/06/2020 07:30

It seemed pretty clear to me that OP is being impacted by the colleague doing no work as she works on projects with her. Very frustrating to have to do all the work on a project and share the credit with someone who has done fuck all on it.

Original poster

mrsbeeton999 · 21/06/2020 07:31

I didn’t realise 2 weeks was the minimum- sorry no she took 6 weeks Plus 2 weeks leave meaning she returned when baby was 7 weeks old

OP posts:

LouisLitt1 · 21/06/2020 07:31

Nothing you can do. Just document as much as you can in in writing eg updates and actions for shared projects, and keep your manager in the loop.

GinDaddyRedux · 21/06/2020 07:32

@Cadent

It's frustrating but easily remedied if people actually spoke to their line managers about their perceptions in a constructive way.

Passive aggressiveness is the worst thing in workplaces when someone feels they've been hard done by but doesn't have the assertiveness to speak up.

Cadent · 21/06/2020 07:35

@Gin - yes, in my situation I’ve spoken up repeatedly about it to my manager in a factual way but not much has changed. The colleague in question does seek to make me look like the unreasonable every time things come to a head.

EL8888 · 21/06/2020 07:39

Sounds like she is taking advantage of the situation. If she returns then she needs to do what she is being paid to do. You’re giving a vibe of she wants it both ways. Like others of said, keep your manager informed if she isn’t doing her fair share

Chloemol · 21/06/2020 08:16

S she chooses to come back early that’s up to her. However the expectation from work is she must do her job. If she is not then I would simply speak to your manager and hand over your proof, ie late for meetings, not meeting deadlines, not doing her share, how it’s impacting on you and the6 need to deal with it as a under performance issue

Jeezoh · 21/06/2020 08:21

There’s 2 seperate issues here - her returning from maternity leave and her meeting the requirements of the role.

Stay well away from the first issue - she has the legal right to return anytime after the statutory time she has to take and is allowed to do this earlier than she previously may have indicated. The second issue is her contribution which you should raise with your manager if it’s impacting your ability to meet your objectives.

SD1978 · 21/06/2020 08:25

Not being unreasonable. If you genuinely are picking up more work than is fair then that does need to be addressed. Taking minimal time off as mat leave, isn't your concern (obviously) but if projects are being affected then that needs to be discussed.

Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow · 21/06/2020 08:32

Give her a break. I doubt very very much That she wanted to return to work when her baby was tiny, so she’s most likely made the decision to help with job security/financial position at a very precarious time. And as it’s well documented how much more likely Mothers on maternity leave are to be made redundant, and how mothers are discriminated against generally in the workplace her decision is understandable.

Nonetheless it sounds like she is struggling, so Instead of briefing against her, why not contact her directly with your observations and ask what support she might need to get back up to speed on the project work etc.

The bit about being late to calls and dropping in and out sounds petty.

If you’ve already spoken to your manager about this and they’ve not taken action maybe this is also their view.

EL8888 · 21/06/2020 08:42

@Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow commenting on the being late to calls and dropping in and out isn’t petty. It’s unprofessional and rude. Personally l often have quite a full diary some days so someone being late all the time, impacts on me and others. I can’t then be 15-20 late for every call / meeting for the rest of the day after that as l was hanging around for someone else

SnuggyBuggy · 21/06/2020 08:44

You need to focus on the performance issues and affect on you. I do get that sometimes colleagues make decisions that suit them but disrupt things for everyone else and it can suck big time.

Frazzledms · 21/06/2020 08:47

Don't be a horrible colleague. I worked with someone who resented me working part time and seemed to find it a personal insult. I worked very hard in my 3 days but eventually got fed up of her. Maybe she did me a favour because I got promoted 2 grades up and the hell away from her which pissed her off even more.

Focus on your work, maybe help her out a bit, that's what colleagues do and I'm sure you'll look better doing that than snitching.

Livelovebehappy · 21/06/2020 08:49

YANBU. a lot of people are taking the ‘p’ at the moment with the current situation. But things are getting back to normality, and so hopefully instances like this will start to fizzle out.

Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow · 21/06/2020 08:51

OP didn’t say her colleague is 15-20 mins late though. Sorry but everyone is late to calls, (or drops off calls) sometimes, for a variety of legitimate reasons, without more information this sounds like she is looking out for reasons to set against her colleague.
Does your colleague have other work and may be delayed on other calls? Is she 5 minutes late or 20? What is her reason when you’ve asked her for the delay etc? And is she the only colleague on your project team who is ever late to a call? Etc etc

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/06/2020 08:52

However the expectation from work is she must do her job. If she is not then I would simply speak to your manager and hand over your proof, ie late for meetings, not meeting deadlines, not doing her share, how it’s impacting on you and the6 need to deal with it as a under performance issue

I would do something subtly but importantly different - I would make sure it only included things that directly impacted on me (so if her being late is mucking up your diary then yes, if the meetings start at the scheduled time and it just annoys you that she's late then no) and I wouldn't tell the manager that they need to deal with her performance - don't tell them how to do their job, it's not your business and it never goes down well - but instead just say that it's causing these issues for you and that this is the problem to be solved. Keep it completely, scrupulously to what affects you. That might not give you the solution you most want - it might be, for instance, that they continue to accept her not working her full load and expect you to pick it up and just don't put you on the other project - but you're not seeking anything to do with her, which again isn't your business, you're just seeking a solution to the problem it causes you, which is.

roses2 · 21/06/2020 08:56

YANBU - if she is not doing what she is being paid for this needs to be performance managed by her manager.

HugeAckmansWife · 21/06/2020 08:58

I don't blame her for managing things to put her in the best financial position she can but as others have said, she must pull her weight if she chooses to do that (with some allowance made for the current unusual situation as we all are)

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/06/2020 09:00

I also think that there has to be a reasonable degree of understanding about the current circumstances, but it doesn't have to be endless. I would say that needing to pop off calls sometimes is reasonable, doing none of the project work isn't. I'm a bit wary of the fact that you say she 'appears' to be doing no work - if you're not sure then don't go barrelling in because you'll make yourself look a complete idiot (and nasty) if you say she's done nothing and it turns out she's been working until midnight each night and so while you don't see much there's actually plenty.

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