To resent colleague

[mrsbeeton999]

Colleague has 12 week old baby plus other children. We are now working from home for at least next 18 months. When work announced this she immediately requested returning from maternity leave ASAP and only took the absolute minimum legal time off. Obviously she has other children at home like a lot of is do but now her husband is back at work and she hasn’t got baby in nursery. I can see she is under pressure and exhausted but feel she should still be on maternity leave. She hadn’t been here long so was only on minimum maternity pay hence coming back. She is on 2 projects with me but appears to be doing no work. Always late for meetings and when she’s on video calls she’s constantly ducking off screen and not joining in. I’m really resenting my work allowing her back.

A lot of people that are having to wfm during this covid situation have equality issues impacting on them, like childcare. Employers have to talk with their staff and find ways that people can work bearing in mind their individual circumstances. If your workplace is decent, she would have had a risk assessment upon her return and a discussion with her manager to highlight any issues she may need support with. You can also talk to her in a supportive way. Leave your resentment and try to be nice and kind.

Oh please don't approach her directly.

This could be construed as harassment if she decided to make a complaint against you.

If anyone needs to discuss her work pattern, it should be her line manager.

ilovemydogetc said excactly what I was going to say. If she is a trier she'll be onto management pronto whining about you discriminating against her and likely she'll get sympathy and not only will you not have a leg to stand on in any complaint she'll slack off more and you'll be lumped with all the work.

I also really don't think OP should approach directly. Presumably tasks are already divided for the projects - if not then that's a whole different problems - and I think essentially casting yourself as her manager, which would how what @SummerDayWinterEvenings' suggestions would feel to her, is likely to cause a much bigger problem and you'll have put yourself in the wrong. It's not for you to tell her 'please can we ensure meetings and calls are child free' - what an irritating thing to say under the current circumstances - and it's certainly not for you to talk about 'supporting her back to work'. If you're not her line manager then acting like one will at worst create a situation where you're accused of harassment and have lost the support of your actual boss by trying to step into their shoes, and at best you'll just make yourself look a prat.

Lordy, you mustn't bring it up with her directly.
You'll be up on a disciplinary before you can say "change that nappy" and she'd be in the right and you in the wrong.

Another thought- are her contractual T&C the same as yours? Is there a possibility expectations of her work output etc is different? You say you have an individual project- does she? Is it possible vsge devotes most of her time to that?

You could possibly suggest to her further planning meetings together to "get this joint project sorted"

It's not OP's job to pick up the slack for the new mother to her own detriment and stress levels.

I'm sorry that the woman in question and others in this thread have struggled trying to work with babies, it's not the responsibility of everyone else to do their work for them ... they may well have families, children, other jobs, caring responsibilities, issues in their own lives as well. Or maybe they just don't want to do 2 people's jobs and being overwhelmed and stressed out by it when they're getting paid for 1. And no one will thank them or reward them for that either. Heck, they'll likely be frowned upon when they request more money, a promotion, or need time off to recover from the stress and exhaustion.

Talk to your line manager OP. Be factual, though. Talk about the things that are affecting you and your work only.

Exactly. Go through proper channels.

@ilovemydogandmrobama2

Oh please don't approach her directly.

This could be construed as harassment if she decided to make a complaint against you.

If anyone needs to discuss her work pattern, it should be her line manager.

Hang on -I think it is more 'bullying' to go to management straight. Saying to her I want to support the situation with working from home for both of us -let's put meetings in for this week -what times suit you? Giving her choice. Saying 'let's ensure we both focus etc' -Work colleagues talk about these things. The assumption is -she's someone who is going to complain. I'd suggesting taking the wind out the situation. Arranging calls or your meetings to suit her and asking which bits of a project she is doing to do by when -this is what normal people do. I say to my work colleague I'm doing x y z this week -shall we zoom 10am monday to catch up. And we do. He's done x y z and at 10am monday I expect to catch up. How can you not approach someone you are doing a project with?

Personally I would have though running to a manager and complaining about her without trying to work out a way to work together on a project in a friendly fashion would not reflect well on the OP. I’m not suggesting going in all guns blazing, but a gentle chat between colleagues is not generally classed as harassment.

I feel your pain, I have one at work like that, she is not in a position to work, is not managing to do more than 2-3 hours of work a week so I am doing her job and mine because she hasn’t time to work. To add insult to injury, I am not paid extra time and I am seen in a very disfavourable way if I don’t complete “my workand hers“ on time, so I am running like a headless chicken during the day and totally burnout at the end of the day so she Is paid to get what is now a 3 month nice little holiday..

Well said @SummerDayWinterEvenings

@LisaSimpsonsbff

I also really don't think OP should approach directly. Presumably tasks are already divided for the projects - if not then that's a whole different problems - and I think essentially casting yourself as her manager, which would how what *@SummerDayWinterEvenings*' suggestions would feel to her, is likely to cause a much bigger problem and you'll have put yourself in the wrong. It's not for you to tell her 'please can we ensure meetings and calls are child free' - what an irritating thing to say under the current circumstances - and it's certainly not for you to talk about 'supporting her back to work'. If you're not her line manager then acting like one will at worst create a situation where you're accused of harassment and have lost the support of your actual boss by trying to step into their shoes, and at best you'll just make yourself look a prat.

I disagree. My work is confidential and if children are popping in or we are discussing a case and someone ducking out of a call -it is a serious issue. My children don't disturb me and I don't have help with childcare right now. I assume with two of them working from home -her partner is able to do his work calls without interruption? If she has meeting at 10am and 2pm. Husband / partner can look after them for these times. If not -she needs to say something. Saying 'what times are best for you?' is what I'd ask anyone. But yes I'd address it with them -going to tell on them with the boss- is escalating it. There are ways of saying things -that makes it supportive. I once had a colleague that was always late to afternoon meeting at 2pm. I said to them 'would it be better to move it to 2.15pm as often we aren't able to make a proper 2pm start without you' - yes 2.15pm was better. I didn't ask why, just asked. If the person had continued being late -I would then say to my line manager moved a 2pm meeting to 2.15 pm but he's still being late. For goodness sake -if you are colleagues you need to be able to communicate.You can say 'is there a better time to zoom where we can be in a meeting' or whatever.

@SummerDayWinterEvenings, that’s what reasonable people do, but IME saying that to a person used to take the mickey can result in a disciplinary.

I tried to follow that approach for weeks without result, she didn’t let me know what she was up to and was always very unclear of progress in meetings, after 2 months I told her, nicely, that she needed to be more proactive and also let me know where she was at with projects we are working on together...

... she complained about me saying I was micromanaging and bullying her, I have been put through the mill, I am still doing her work and looking for a new job.

... and Also, to avoid upsetting her I am now doing all the work on my own, she is now complaining that I’m excluding her. 🤦🏻‍♀️

please can we ensure meetings and calls are child free'

You can’t say this it’s impossible to guarantee it won’t happen! My kids are teens and sometimes they’ve popped their head around the door or shouted ‘muuuuum’ from another room during a meeting.
Not saying what the person in question is right, but what do you expect her to do with the kids summersdayeintersevrning ? They live in the same house and she’s working from home?

It sounds like she was taking advantage of the current situation and thought that she could handle it. Why is the maternity pay at your company so shit though that they only pay statutory? Most people would struggle financially on that. Was her role back filled when she was on mat leave or was everyone covering her role?

I know 2 women who thought they could use current situation to their advantage. One of them is a TA in a school and were on mat leave. Came off mat leave several months early to get full pay thinking they wouldn't need to be back until September as kids not back until then. Head said a few weeks ago they need to be in school for 6 weeks full time preparing classrooms etc. Now they have no childcare sorted and if they can't do it (as per their contract) they'll be dismissed.

Hang on -I think it is more 'bullying' to go to management straight. Saying to her I want to support the situation with working from home for both of us -let's put meetings in for this week -what times suit you?

Asking management to solve a problem is not 'bullying' and it is not the OP's job to add to her workload by managing her colleague. I agree with Lisa's earlier comment re putting it to management in a tactful way and one which emphasises the problems encountered by the OP and how this impacts on her.

It's not bullying to go to management with a problem

I think she's a pisstaker.
If she hadn't planned to return so soon if it meant a return to the office then she must have had another plan for her family's finances. If her husband has lost his job or furloughed then he ought to be dealing with the children. It's poor form to decide she'll "return to work" and collect the cash while taking advantage of the fact she doesn't have to be seen in the office to not actually do anything. No wonder there is a gender pay gap when women see it as acceptable to get paid for doing nothing!

I work for a law firm (and have two children) and we all have to clock a certain amount of chargeable time daily or "heads will roll". It was made very clear when lockdown started that if we wanted full pay we had to do full hours. If we couldn't or didn't want to the options were furlough or reduced hours for reduced pay. Miraculously we've all managed to maintain our targets though it's often meant working on and off over a longer period while we juggle children, home schooling etc.

It's not bullying to go to management with a problem

Yeah I agree. People seem to think doing so is just to get someone in trouble, I disagree. As a manager (as long as they're semi competent) they will tactfully look within their team to see what can be done to alleviate whatever concern there is, if anything can be done. In the case of OP, that would either be a case of looking how to support the colleague if appropriate, or managing the situation. Not up to OP, and some people will put it forward as bullying or harassment to go directly, let management do their jobs. No wonder people put up with such crap at work if they're hesitant to do anything about it

It might be a serious issue, @SummerDayWinterEvenings, it might not - my toddler has popped up on some of my work calls and it isn't ideal but it's also not a big deal. Either way it's for her manager to resolve - her manager may have told the colleague that it's fine if she needs to quickly tend to baby during calls for all OP knows. My manager and I worked out, in detail, how my hours would work while I had no childcare - and we both think the arrangement we have is fair but I'm sure it looks to some of my colleagues like I'm doing less than my share, because I got moved to do a lot of work involving no one else on the team as that was easier to do late at night and so they don't 'see' that work, though my boss does - and I'd be furious if a colleague with no authority over me started trying to suggest their own 'solutions' or telling me I couldn't work in the way agreed with my manager because they didn't like it or didn't think it was fair. This:

Thanks for the chat on zoom this morning. I really want to support your return from maternity leave and want to work on this two projects with you to the best of our ability. Thanks for understanding about the need to be punctual from now on -as you suggested we have scheduled in meeting at 10am and 2pm this week Monday - Friday to catch up and give a routinue. As I said, if you can ensure there are no distractions in these meetings -it will enable our time to be used more effectively. etc........

Is both extraordinarily patronising and also tonally completely wrong for two equal colleagues. It's going to cause a complete breakdown in relations if OP inserts herself as manager when she isn't, and no one will thank OP for this.

I agree honeylulu. Very few women in the UK go back at 8 weeks and I'm willing to bet that she hadn't intended to go back that early before the current situation. No matter, up to her what she chooses to do, provided she can do the work she's getting paid for. Not OPs unpaid job to pick up the slack.

You'll absolutely be on a disciplinary if you suggest meetings be child free, especially at the moment.

We've had confidential teachers' meetings discussing delicate issues involving some of the kids and I admit, to see the person chairing the meeting's child running round in the background and occasionally interrupting her horrified me. But, she's WFH, with no childcare, like many people.

Gather the facts you have about how her work impacts yours. Speak to your line manager and keep it absolutely factual. Don't presume anything even as you speak. Better still to send an email so you have proof of what you've said and you can check it carefully yourself before sending.

The word "bullying" is going to lose any meaning (which would be a huge disservice to real victims of it) sooner or later...

She’s taking the piss, it’s very unlikely that she’d have come back of maternity leave if she’d been expected in the office full time time so soon after having her baby. But she’s made the choice to come back and so there’s no reason why she shouldn’t be expected to work as productively as anyone else wfh. I’d definitely raise it. You have every right to if the situation is becoming detrimental to you.

You take the mo ey you do the job. If she is not up to standard she needs to know, so tell your issues to the line manager and ask them to assist with your concerns.
Whilst I think everyone could understand her difficulties WAH with young children she made the decision to return to work and that should not impact your work hours or schedule.