To resent colleague

[mrsbeeton999]

Colleague has 12 week old baby plus other children. We are now working from home for at least next 18 months. When work announced this she immediately requested returning from maternity leave ASAP and only took the absolute minimum legal time off. Obviously she has other children at home like a lot of is do but now her husband is back at work and she hasn’t got baby in nursery. I can see she is under pressure and exhausted but feel she should still be on maternity leave. She hadn’t been here long so was only on minimum maternity pay hence coming back. She is on 2 projects with me but appears to be doing no work. Always late for meetings and when she’s on video calls she’s constantly ducking off screen and not joining in. I’m really resenting my work allowing her back.

You can address it with your line manager, but only in as far as it impacts you, so if you are doing extra work or if she was meant to do certain things and hasn't, then you can and should call it out.

I have limited sympathy with her as it does seem as if she is milking the situation. Pre-covid I doubt that anyone would be allowed to be the full time carer of their baby and simultaneously working, which is why the UK has fairly generous mat leave policy.

Much different where people are thrust into wfh and looking after DC ft because their carer or school are not an option at this point.

It's quite obvious that the return was only because it's WFH and she either thought she could do it, or she saw it as an opportunity to get wages and slack.

My sympathy would end where her actions affect me. Simple as that. Lots of people here seem to be projecting their own experiences.

In the end it was her choice to return ASAP when WFH was announced and it's her responsibility to do her job. As pps said, keep you manager up to date with it. Don't be emotional, state simple facts and how it's affecting your job.

It’s. It up to anyone else to decide how much maternity leave someone should take. I can understand why it’s bothering you though if it’s impacting on joint work. I would be very careful how you deal with this as it could reflect very poorly on you.

YANBU.

She’s being paid to work and she’s not doing it.

LisaSimpsonsbff's advice is spot on:

I would do something subtly but importantly different - I would make sure it only included things that directly impacted on me (so if her being late is mucking up your diary then yes, if the meetings start at the scheduled time and it just annoys you that she's late then no)

You can only comment on what affects you - but you can talk about that in a constructive way and make it your manager's problem to solve, rather than complaining about someone which won't reflect well on you.

If she was having to go back into the office she would have taken maternity leave, so financially she must have planned for that. Either way, it's ridiculous to go back to working without childcare or support around the home during working hours, IF she isn't managing to do her work then she's shot herself in the foot if she was hoping to help avoid redundancy etc- easier to get rid of someone not doing their job rather than someone on mat leave which is a HR nightmare (and rightfully so). You need to just focus on how it affects you though rather than making assumptions or commenting on her going back so soon, otherwise it runs the risk of turning into petty bitterness. But outline how it is impacting you, and the wider team (if it does). I agree that everyone needs to be supporting everyone right now, but as she made the decision to go back despite being able to take time off then it's her making to be honest.

But how does she ‘appear’ to be doing no work, she is either doing the work required for your project or she isn’t?
The only example you’ve given is the calls, so without more detail I don’t understand how anyone can recommend you escalating this.

I am currently now working from home, like you I have been told it will be for probably the next 18months. I also have an 11month old DD. (I took my whole mat leave for what it's worth)

All my colleagues have been so understanding and supportive as they know I'm having a hard time juggling an 11month old and a full time job. My job can be high pressured involving legal deadlines and targets. My colleagues are never shy in asking if I need help and have supported my workload where possible.

I have also been a few mins late for dial ins and had to drop out as DD has woken up or had a meltdown in the background. I'm working after DD goes to bed and at weekends. I am trying my hardest, my team and manager know it and have my back.

Maybe you should reach out to your colleague, you don't know her home life circumstances. Don't be so horrible to resent her.

Your Manager has given you a personal project, thinking that you can manage it because your other work is shared. But the other work isn't being shared and handled how it should be, so it's putting unfair pressure on you. So you should tell your manager.

When you say 'appears to be doing no work' is that happening or is it just your impression because you are resentful? You need to just address facts, such as the lateness etc.

Although we should all be cutting parents some slack, because it isn't their fault that childcare options have been removed. Businesses are certainly being told to do this, quite rightly.

I am surprised at the responses here. OP I assume you understand that anyone with children at home right now is having to dive off screen and at times will be late. I don't know why you don't seem to want her to come back to work yet, it is her choice and surely you have no idea about what her personal circumstances are? Maybe she's not taking advantage, maybe the family are under financial difficulties. And, I've got to say it... would you feel the same if this was a man with a new baby?

I think this is poor form, and could perhaps be easily addressed if you had an open conversation with her about your concerns instead of running to manager. Have you done this? Have you asked her how she is coping and explain your concerns about how running late is directly impacting you?

Difficult situation
You do need to differentiate from what she is doing that affects your work and what doesn't
Generally the problem is that in the current circumstances people are WFH and looking after children at the same time,which normally isn't allowed for good reason
In my company we are going to ride it out over the school holidays but come September the normal rules will be back

If she was having to go back into the office she would have taken maternity leave, so financially she must have planned for that.

This isn't any of OP's business anyway, but maybe she wouldn't - maybe grandma would have looked after the baby, and now she can't? Or maybe she would have been able to afford it but now circumstances have changed; OP said the husband was 'now back at work' so he may have been furloughed and so the drop in family income wiped out what would have paid for mat leave. None of us know, but also it is absolutely nothing to do with the OP how much mat leave her colleague takes and why, the only concern is if the OP has to take on extra work as a result.

How old are the other children? It may not be the baby causing the distraction.

Yes, this would annoy the fuck out of me.

People are missing taht it's a different situation to working parents.
You lost childcare, it's shit.
She quickly returned early when WFH was announced. It's not that she lost a childcare so needs some slack cut. She returned early during no childcare situation. The husband at home is moot point because she could not expect him to be home 18 months, if he was home due to lockdown.

While working parents were thrown into shit by the virus, she made that choice fully knowing what's happening. No sympathy.

It would annoy me too. No one can work successfully whilst also looking after a 12 week old baby. She is taking advantage of the current situation.

There's a big difference between the OP's colleague's situation and @rosegoldivy's. In the latter case, I assume she had a sensible plan for childcare when she returned from maternity leave which has now fallen through. Of course her employer and colleagues have to cut her some slack. She isn't in this position by choice.

In the former case, the OP's colleague had indicated she would be on maternity leave for some months, and as soon as it was announced that they would wfh for the next 18 months she changed her plan and appears to be trying to wfh while caring for a tiny baby and older children with no childcare in place at all. This is not force of circumstance, it's her choice. She may well be trying to make up time in the evenings when her husband is around and the children are in bed. In some jobs involving very few meetings, calls and team projects that would be fine. In OP's workplace, though, it sounds as if it isn't fine.

Lisa's approach is sensible. You don't want to sound petty and vindictive, OP, but if this is making your job unworkable and leading to problems that will reflect badly on you, in your own interest you have to say something.

OP don't raise anything with your manager about this woman. And don't be resentful. It causes wrinkles.

@JayAlfredPrufrock

It would annoy me too. No one can work successfully whilst also looking after a 12 week old baby. She is taking advantage of the current situation.

This with bells on. Even if it didn’t impact directly on the Op I can fully understand her annoyance. A salary isn’t a benefit to be claimed if you’re in financial hardship. It is a payment for work undertaken. No way can she be undertaking her work anything close to properly. It’s one thing for working parents who have found themselves in this situation, quite another for those who have actively chosen to go back to work when they wouldn’t have otherwise, knowingly with no childcare. I would be seriously pissed if I was either her employer or colleagues.

Same thing happened to me - colleague was on maternity leave, not expected back until October. She said this on one of her keeping in touch days, so not a wild rumour.

I was new in the role which we all shared work, and at my insistence, we had a meeting at her KIT day. All the tasks were assigned, and I was doing the role as agreed.

Her DH lost his job overnight which was a shame and she came back full time.

The irritating aspect is that she started to take work away from me, as it was hers before maternity leave, which is fair enough, but we previously agreed how the work would be divided moving forward.

She then started to stir things up with the team saying that I had a problem with her as when I forwarded email, I didn't put on a smiley face. FFS

I think the whole WFH has always been seen as an open door to do as little as possible by a lot of people. And not just during Covid.
That said, you need hard facts about what she's not doing before taking it any further if that's what you intend to do.

How does it seem she's not doing anything?

Is it a project where there's a quantifiable outcome? (Can you see that you, for example, do 75 tasks and she does 25)
Are hours logged?
When you say meetings- who is present?
Is her active participation in meetings a usual requirement? (I'm a teacher and we've had lots of staff/class teacher meetings- in some I talk, in some I don't, depends if there's anything relevant I need to say)
How long do the meetings last? Would she be expected to not leave her desk for a few seconds/minutes/ during a normal working day? How often are the meetings held? Is a
Iine manager present?

When you speak to someone focus on yourself and the fact you are having difficulty meeting the requirements on the joint (stress that) project because of the colleague's situation.

She probably shouldn't be working, but you can't mention that because she's legally and contractually able to.

She might be swinging the leg, she might be trying her hardest to work with a baby in the house. Because you don't know, you can only really talk about the factual things above and how the work is impacted.

Our baby is 6m old. We planned for me to return full time from home when baby turned 3m and by now I was supposed to be 3 days in the office, 2 days wfh. Of course, pandemics meant I lost all planned childcare and am working from home all the time but then, so is my DH and between the two of us - we're managing. We make sure never to schedule meetings at the same time, so when one of us is on a call the other one is with the baby. I know it is easier for us with a baby than it is for people with toddlers and older children. I take my job seriously, work long hours and always assume its not company's problem that I have domestic situation I do.

I would assume she came back because she had to. It must be very difficult for you to pull the weight for two so I would broach this with her directly. Explain that you understand that having a baby (and other kids) is difficult but that you are concerned about the success of the project. Maybe offer to help her brainstorm solutions? One of my colleagues with 2 toddlers attends all meetings during the day but then does most of the work in the evening/night when her DH is off work and can tend to children.

I agree with the other PPs that the maternity issue is a red herring. Stay well away from that.

However, I cannot believe that very few people have suggested talking to this woman.

Kindly - explain that you feel like you’re doing the lions share and you feel she’s struggling, but that you have lots of other projects to be dealing with and you don’t have the time to continue this (in your eyes) uneven split - have examples ready of how much more you’ve done if she argues, but don’t beat her down with them if not.

It may be she’s also working on other projects etc and there is a resource issue. Or perhaps she needs some guidance if it’s something she’s not gone before / recently. There could be a number of reasons. I’m guessing you don’t know her full workload / diary.

Then gently suggest if she can’t pick up her share of the project for whatever reason, then you’ll speak to your line manager to see if additional resources can be allocated.

But try to be kind about it and give her a chance first before you go running to tell tales because you feel aggrieved she’s come back too early in your eyes simply to get paid more while you do think you do all her work.

You see I'd address it direct with her. So I'd ring her or email her or zoom and say 'I want to try and support this situation for both of us working from home. But I'm finding it difficult to communicate with you and a bit frustrating when you duck out of video calls and are late for meetings'. I do appreciate working from home is difficult for all of us but I want to be clear about expectations on this work. Is she junior or senior or the same?. -Break it down we are working on this project together. I am going to do this by wednesday -you suggested etc doing this by wednesday let's meet on zoom at 11am Wednesday and swap ideas and talk about progress. Back up and confirm all of this by email. If a kid pops up - or whatever you need to say. I'm finding it really off putting and don't feel like I had your attention during that meeting -please can we ensure meetings and calls are child free. It's distracting etc. Then if it doesn't resolve -nothing to do with maternity you take it to your line manager 'Out of the last ten on line meeting A has been late for 9 for of them' 'Out of the last ten zoom calls A has ducked out or children have been seen / involved in 6 of them' -She is doing projects with me. On project A -we decided she was going to be xyz and she had a deadline of Wednesday -it hasn't been done. On project B -we decided she was going to do xyz and she had a deadline of Thursday and -it hasn't been done. I'm trying to support her return from maternity leave -but can I ask for your advice please, I've agreed things for her to do and deadlines and she hasn't done them. I've tried to address the being late for meetings -but it is still happening. I've tried to address the lack of involvement on zoom calls -but nothing has changed. Can I please now take your advice. As if she is back to work -work needs to be done. Support and challenge.

But give her a chance first. Don't pussyfoot around. We are working on these two projects I need us to decide who is doing what and get meetings in the calendar for this week. am / pm. I'm getting frustrated when you are late on calls or distracted -I want to focus on the job and when we are communicating to not have any distractions. etc Agree targets with her -and then back it all up in emails.

Dear A

Thanks for the chat on zoom this morning. I really want to support your return from maternity leave and want to work on this two projects with you to the best of our ability. Thanks for understanding about the need to be punctual from now on -as you suggested we have scheduled in meeting at 10am and 2pm this week Monday - Friday to catch up and give a routinue. As I said, if you can ensure there are no distractions in these meetings -it will enable our time to be used more effectively. etc........

If I have got this wrong and it is a larger group -others will have noticed. Far better to go to your line manager and say so A were have these issues, I've tried to address them by doing this -but it's not worked. Can you tell me what I need to do next?