Aibu to think this may have ruined a friendship?

[Barobee]

TL;DR friend’s boyfriend won’t get his car out of my garage and it’s pissing me off.

Longer version: two years ago a good friend asked if her boyfriend could store his car in my garage. It was supposed to be for three months max as he had just exchanged on a house so would be able to store it in his new house’s garage once it had completed.

I said yes as she’s a good friend and I don’t mind being helpful.

Two years on and the fucking car’s still there. I texted at the beginning of June to ask if it could be moved by mid June because I wanted to paint the garage and turn it into a room where DC could hang out a bit. Friend said she would tell him he needed to move his car. Two weeks later, at friend’s suggestion as he had shown no interest in collecting the car, I texted again to ask when he was coming. No joy.

I’ve just texted again today and said if it’s easier can she just give me his number so I can deal with him directly. Now the reply is that she’ll give me his number later because she’s got another child visiting.

At first I was annoyed at him, partly because I sometimes think he treats friend quite badly, but now I’m beginning to think that they are both taking the piss (him more than her) and this is going to impact badly on our friendship. AIBU and what can I do?

I sympathise with your situation. It’s stressful to set boundaries with friends who either don’t or can’t appreciate your needs or don’t care. Is it possible to break into the car without damaging it? Some people seem to be able to do this eg AA and RAC for owners who lose their keys. Then you could get it onto the road and let them know it’s there because you’re works had to start. Tell them it’d be a good idea if they want it to take it ASAP in case a neighbour calls the council and it gets towed and that they might also get done for no tax. You could also tell them in advance that you’ll have to put it on the road because of your works starting. So they can’t blame you if something goes wrong. Also, I would try and get the number just in case your messages aren’t getting to the owner or not clearly enough for whatever reason. If you can communicate directly this should eliminate any misunderstandings. Good luck.

It would be as if you had lost the keys to an old car of yours and had to get a friend or mechanic to get the car out so you can do the works.

@ComeBy
Yes. But this one has no MOT.

If you use an 'A-bar' the car behind becomes a trailer and doesn't need tax, MOT or insurance.

Send a message saying "too late, you've both had your chance and now you are taking me for a fool, I'm making my own arrangements to have the car removed unless it is collected THIS evening."

Come on OP, there's doormat and just plain mug.

Have it towed to his house and leave it. Not your car, not your problem...and maybe you may need to find a better friend.

I need to know the outcome of this. How infuriating!

Just a thought maybe they are hoping you will sort out removal/disposal so they don't have to incur costs to do so as he no longer wants car and doesn't want to pay to sort it?

As far as I can tell, he does want this car back.

To clear a couple of things up, I haven’t pushed hard before this to get the car out, but I have mentioned it occasionally, just casually asking if/when he would be collecting the car. Things always seemed to come up which kind of shut down the conversation - he was working longer hours, they had to go and visit his dying relative, there was an issue with a loan, etc. So I never felt that I could push it and it wasn’t that important to me - until lockdown started and I realised I had saved enough money and had enough time to get the garage cleared, plastered, painted etc. I’m not unhappy with the previous 23 months, but I am unhappy with this lack of response over the past 3-4 weeks. It’s fucking rude, if nothing else.

Stop being passive! They keep doing what they do because you come across as a soft pushover. Give them a deadline and if they don’t remove it take steps to get rid. Why are you putting your life on hold for them?? They are not even paying rent for the space! You are losing out in all circumstances .. lousy friend, CF friends BF, losing much needed space, responsible for others property.. what positives are you getting here 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is Tuesday! You said your plasterer was coming today - what’s the plan? Are they coming to get it or you’re taking over?!

Why do you choose this behaviour OP?

I’ve explained to the handyman and he’s going to do a load of little jobs around the house and garden, which he was going to do after the garage. So he’s still booked for the same jobs and the same amount of time, but he’s swapping them round.

I’d suggest thinking of the optimum outcome you’d like before phoning.

The car moved with minimum stress?

Then behave as if the requirement of your tradesman to have the garage empty is the overriding issue. Set the timescales so there can’t be an argument about not enough time but with enough time for you to deal with the tradesman needs if the car owner fails to collect. Make it clear that if the car isn’t collected it will have to be moved onto the road in order for the tradesman to do his work.

Once you’ve worked out a position that works for you and your tradesman and for which there can be no argument on the car owners side, hopefully you’ll feel more confident in phoning and handling the call in a way that’ll minimise your stress and reflect how you’d like to be in the world, a kind, reasonable and decent person. Then confirm arrangements by text in a friendly but assertive way as if you feel confident that it’s all sorted.

Bear in mind that if he hasn’t collected it for two years he may not want it or have anywhere to put it and is hoping someone else will dispose of it for him.

I would be you a months salary that the vehicle is on finance, that he has defaulted on his payments, and is hiding it from the finance company until they write it off and give up on it.

Do an HPI check who will show you the finance company and their contact number - give them a call, explain it has been abandoned on your property and ask them to come and collect t it.

Problem solved.

You've been told by numerous posters on here. I am sorry, you're an absolute idiot and people should stop giving you advice as you clearly want to be a complete mug.

So the latest communication from them is (after you telling him it needed to be out by today at the latest) that he's booked someone to come and get it but no mention of when?

I would be messaging saying:

"I'm really disappointed in how this has been handled, I was happy to do you a favour but three months extended to two years and despite me providing storage for the car that long, over the last few weeks I haven't been able to get an answer from you on when you're picking it up.

And to be honest I'm surprised not to have had a thank you (or a sorry) from either of you considering the fact it's been there so long and it's stopping me having work done my own property that I've paid someone to do.

I have now lost the money I paid the plasterer to do work today because he was unable to get into the garage due to the car being in the way, despite the fact I told you really clearly when and why it needed to be collected and gave you notice.

Not only have I now lost money, I'm also upset as feel my kindness has been taken advantage of."

I don't care if the bit about losing your money is true or not, I would send that.

For fucks sake grow some spine.

OP isn’t actually going to do anything about this at all, just weakly tell him he needs to collect it, which of course he will ignore because he can walk all over OP.

I would get it towed to the scrap yard and sell it and keep the cash.

OP has already changed their plans to work around their friends BFs schedule.

That car may as well have been cemented into the garage, because it's never coming out now.

God people are being harsh to OP. It's not a crime to be non-confrontational or unassertive, it's very common (although obviously everyone on MN claims they are at direct and forthright at all times ). Hope you get it sorted OP, what a bloody pain in the arse x

Such hysteria it’s hilarious

I think you are going to have to organise removing this car yourself OP which is very annoying as it will cost you but unless you are prepared for endless toing and froing which will probably still end up with the same result then you may as well just bit the bullet.

As they say let no good deed go unpunished

The car will still be in your garage this time next year, because the pair of them are taking the piss and playing you like a fiddle. It’s your choice - either confront them and do something about it, or do nothing and it stays where it is.

They are content to walk all over you. You are letting them.

I was watching this thread hoping for an update that the piss taker had removed his car.

OP just text them saying that the car is being collected for scrappage at 11am tomorrow morning and you’re keeping the cash. If he doesn’t bother to collect it then you know he’s not remotely interested so you may as well arrange for it to be scrapped after!

OP what are you SO afraid of?