Twat colleague - AIBU to ask for help in composing a response?

[DuineArBith]

Dealing with a colleague who cannot admit he is ever wrong and hates being called out, especially by women. He also really fancies his expertise in employment law and practice, without real justification.

He's now wasting his time and mine arguing (through emails copied to various other colleagues and managers) about a total non-issue which doesn't relate to employment law, but happens to relate to an area on which I have much more experience and knowledge than he has, and I also know that other people with experience in the area in question agree with me. I can't give the details, but a similar issue would be where, for instance, we were using dangerous machinery for which we are fully covered by manufacturers' guarantees and insurance and he wanted me to make modifications ostensibly for safety purposes which would potentially invalidate those.

I've tried explaining politely that it isn't an issue and why, and I've explained the perfectly adequate precautions we do take in this regard, which I hoped would bring this ridiculous issue to an end. However, of course he cannot accept that because, God forbid, it might involve admitting he got something wrong. His latest email responds to that disagreeing and saying he thinks I should do what he says

My first reactions which, probably fortunately, I suppressed, were to respond with "Go away, little boy, and stop wasting my time" and moving on to "I could do that, of course, if I wanted to invite disaster." I want to signal to others what a twat he is without being overtly rude, not least because some of my colleagues buy into his self-promotion and still think the sun shines out of his arsehole,

Currently thoughts are something along the lines of:

Well, I could do that. However, as a result of (a) my long experience of (relevant area of expertise) and (b) discussions with X, Y and Z who I know have taken specialist advice on the issue, I know that it would be very unwise and potentially dangerous. So, no, I won't be doing it.

Too much?

No stay factual. Don't brandish, if you do he will just dig his heels in. Just state, "we are covered because of x y z".

You could point out that modifications would invalid the guarantees. If an accident occurred the HSE would investigate and prosecute on basis of what could happen and he as the person who authorised modifications would be liable and possible prison sentence

Have a male colleague send your factual response composed as stated above rather than you sending it. If his problem is sexism then this should stop the conversation. Then have the same male colleague make the bosses aware of what you did and say you felt it was the only way to stop the conversation and they need to take action.

I think you could make your response a bit less inflammatory and personal. Maybe something like - "In light of [reasons], we are not intending to proceed with any changes to current practices. Thank you for your input." Shut down the conversation but do it politely and firmly.

I agree with Panticus.

Take any human touch out of it. You basically pretend you are a robot answering. But at the same time say unequivocally that the company will not be making these changes.

Remember that this is not a discussion. There is no argument. There is nothing to debate. So you just have to give an ending to his petty saga. It is not happening - The End.

Take all emotion out of it and don’t get a man to send it for you! Just stick to the facts and be firm.

Agree with PP. Just keep delivering the facts. He'll eventually show himself up with your colleagues. Don't get dragged into any discussion, you already know you're in the right and you don't need to 'prove yourself' to him.

Life's too short and at this point I'd pass the buck. Send it on to a boss with a polite note saying 'Can you take this up with TwatColleague? You'll see from the email chain what's happened so far. Thanks.'

'Dear colleague, thank you for your input. Due to xyz reason, we will not be going ahead with the changes you have suggested. Thanks for the suggestion though, I wasnt aware you had any experience in this area?'

I would be tempted to say something more snarky, but I'd probably go with the above.

How come no one else has got involved if he’s sending it higher up as well? Surely if there’s a definite problem to what he’s suggesting, others can see it and reply too?

I would write "well, I could to that" perhaps instead write "no, that won't be possible because x, y, z". I also wouldn't put the "So no, I won't be doing it", maybe "so again, that won't be possible.

I wouldn't write.

Thank you for your input always sounds sarky to me. Id go with -
I have considered your proposal, however due to xyz no amendments are necessary. Kind regards Duine

PS is he my husband 😂

I’d go one step further,

I have considered your proposal, however due to xyz no amendments are necessary and would in fact invalidate abc legal protections.

Kind regards Duine

Could you just reply something along this lines of: "Hi, Twatface. All sorted now, thanks."

‘The protocols we have in place are correct. Any modification would be counterproductive.’

Just cut and paste in response to any emails he sends.

I wouldn’t refer to your experience in the area because that’s you locking horns with him...which implies you consider his issue worthy of your time and attention.

Keep it polite, concise and factual.

“Hi Twat
We won’t be able to do (his suggestion) owing to (reasons). We will be doing (your plan).
I trust that provides clarity.
Regards
Duin”

If you’ve explained all the reasons why it won’t work, and you have the position to take a decision and don’t have to take his views into account, I’d be tempted to try and end the matter all together.

“Dear X, your latest email seems to be going back over issues you’ve previously raised, and which have already been considered and dismissed. I note your comments but I now consider the matter closed.” And cc to the other people who’ve been included in his emails.

Only works if you don’t have to take what he says into account, of course.

I agree with everyone who is saying keep it cool and clinical in tone - simply state the facts. Your current response sounds a little bit petulant - you need to maintain the professional high ground here

I would just kick it upstairs and wash my hands of it. Email your boss setting out your reasons and noting that this has become a circus and he is not accepting your professional judgement. Also, stop copying in everyone else - that’s just making a spectacle of it.

Have a male colleague send your factual response composed as stated above rather than you sending it. If his problem is sexism then this should stop the conversation.

don't do this. You undermine yourself and any other women your colleague has to work with.

Reiterate the facts.

If you have time and inclination Fisk his email and answer point for point exactly why you won't do that.

End with a comment about how you are not going to discuss this any more.

He wants to rile you and it’s working . Try not to let it . Reply factually and forget about him .

OP, why don’t you speak to him by telephone or virtual meeting. Arguing via emails with a colleague and copying them to others reflects badly on both parties.

I'd stick to the facts and be blunt.

"Dear Twat.

No. Your suggestions would invalidate the guarantee and are completely unnecessary. I think we should now move on from this discussion as it's unproductive"

Then refuse to engage further.

I’d just respond professionally and factually, it will make him look more stupid. Responding trying to sound snarky just shows how much he irritates you which I think could make people take you less seriously.