Twat colleague - AIBU to ask for help in composing a response?

[DuineArBith]

Dealing with a colleague who cannot admit he is ever wrong and hates being called out, especially by women. He also really fancies his expertise in employment law and practice, without real justification.

He's now wasting his time and mine arguing (through emails copied to various other colleagues and managers) about a total non-issue which doesn't relate to employment law, but happens to relate to an area on which I have much more experience and knowledge than he has, and I also know that other people with experience in the area in question agree with me. I can't give the details, but a similar issue would be where, for instance, we were using dangerous machinery for which we are fully covered by manufacturers' guarantees and insurance and he wanted me to make modifications ostensibly for safety purposes which would potentially invalidate those.

I've tried explaining politely that it isn't an issue and why, and I've explained the perfectly adequate precautions we do take in this regard, which I hoped would bring this ridiculous issue to an end. However, of course he cannot accept that because, God forbid, it might involve admitting he got something wrong. His latest email responds to that disagreeing and saying he thinks I should do what he says

My first reactions which, probably fortunately, I suppressed, were to respond with "Go away, little boy, and stop wasting my time" and moving on to "I could do that, of course, if I wanted to invite disaster." I want to signal to others what a twat he is without being overtly rude, not least because some of my colleagues buy into his self-promotion and still think the sun shines out of his arsehole,

Currently thoughts are something along the lines of:

Well, I could do that. However, as a result of (a) my long experience of (relevant area of expertise) and (b) discussions with X, Y and Z who I know have taken specialist advice on the issue, I know that it would be very unwise and potentially dangerous. So, no, I won't be doing it.

Too much?

Dear TF,

Thank you for your suggestions, however due to legislation xx, it is not possible to implement them.

Kind regards,
Xx

If he ranks above you, ask your manager for direction.

If not and this is totally your area of responsibility then just don’t respond further and do whatever is needed.

You won’t come across well if your touting your own credentials. Most people don’t enjoy seeing two people argue and one up each other over email.

(I have a colleague like this and 9/10 times if I ignore his dumb emails no one ever comes back to me about it. I sometimes just forward to my manager and say “I’m not replying to this.” He always supports that.)

How about framing your response as a factual question. Something along the lines of: what impact will that have on the company's profit/liability? Followed up with the comment: that's very brave of you to take responsibility for the risk/fallout. Let's talk again when you've developed your ideas a bit further. Please schedule a meeting when you're ready.

Kill him with kindness. And shut the fucker down at the same time...

‘Really appreciate the time you’ve taken to look into this, (insert twatface’s name). Having carefully considered all aspects, we will be doing/we will continue (x) as the best way forward. Very best,

Refuse to engage any further - be a broken record; answer any further emails with an ‘as previously discussed’.

He sounds a nightmare!

Are you on the same level? The issues in question, are they actually his responsibility or is he trying to take over yours? If it's your responsibility, I would say

'Dear twat, thank you for your interest in this matter. Implementing your suggestions is unwise and potentially dangerous, but it is understandable that this is a complex issue for people who are unfamiliar with this topic. If you wish to learn more about the matter, I would suggest setting up a training session with X, Y or Z, who can give you a basic overview of the subject matter.

So long as you're in the position of power here I'd shut it down and make it clear its not up for debate with an email to your line manager, cc colleague along the lines of...

Dear LM

I have considered the input from colleague, however my original approach is the most beneficial to the company (insert brief reasoning, but don't feel you have to justify).

Please confirm you are happy for me to go ahead.

If you would like me to spend some time with colleague clarifying the risks associated with his alternative suggestion I happy to do so and am free on x or y dates in the distant future...

No.
Modifications invalidate manufacturers guarantee, and thus invalidate our insurance.

We cannot alter the product for these reasons
The matter is now closed.

Suggest giving him a phone call and take it off email.

I manage a team of people and, whilst I read them, I don't step into those kinds of email chains unless I am asked to or it gets to a point where people are being rude / breaching HR policy.

So much quicker to resolve over the phone than spending ages trying to craft the perfect email response.

@LouiseTrees

Have a male colleague send your factual response composed as stated above rather than you sending it. If his problem is sexism then this should stop the conversation. Then have the same male colleague make the bosses aware of what you did and say you felt it was the only way to stop the conversation and they need to take action.

Words fail me.

@LouiseTrees why not go the whole hog and perpetuate all sexist stereotypes in one go? You could try wearing a short skirt and low cut top and bending over while you say in a giggly voice Oooh! You're so clever Mr Twat! I never would have thought of that because I'm just a girl so I've got a nice big man to do my work for me.Tee hee!

Or you could play it straight on this one.

Dear Mr Twat I've considered your opinion but in our situation you are incorrect and doing what you suggest would leave us at risk of bla bla bla. I've attached the XYZ regulations and manufacturers requirements for your interest and I'd be happy to explain these to you with more clarity if you don't understand the possible risks we would be running if we followed your suggestion. Kind regards

‘Hi,

As I’ve already explained, your approach would invalidate the insurance which is why it is better to do [explain OP’s approach] instead.

Regards, OP.’

Whose decision is it whether his change is implemented or not? If yours I would say thanks for the suggestion but because of x, y & z I won’t do that. If someone else’s then I would make my recommendation to that person (and I recognise this is a total pain because it sounds like you will have to spend time writing something comprehensive and lengthy). Don’t try to bring him down a peg or two. Remain entirely professional and his actions will be his own downfall.

"Having carefully considered all the options, and with the agreement of (various qualified/relevant experts) we will continue with x."

“As previously stated, if we do x it will invalidate y policy. We already have a, b and c in place, with y policy in place in case of f and g. I have consulted with p & q specialists who have confirmed that the current policies and procedures are sufficient and the introduction of additional policies which will result in the invalidation of y policy would be counterproductive.”

CC the specialists you spoke with and the managers colleague has previously copied in.

Do you need him to agree?
I wouldn't respond. If he chases I'd say: 'dear annoying colleague,
Your comments were carefully considered but we will not implement your suggested changes.. Thank you for your input. Regards'
Tbh he's unlikely to chase you and no response will be really annoying for him

“As explained, the method in which we do things is non-negotiable. Thanks for your input.”

And then just simply ignore anything else.

Something I have found effective in the past is to cut the email and don't respond - because trust me if management are reading your exchange my money is on them thinking you are both twats.

Pretty unlikely, as my only response so far has been to explain politely why this is a non-issue. That's why I want to close this down as quickly as possible.

The fact he still disagrees and these managers he has copied in don't seem to have taken either side suggests it isn't as clear cut and obvious as you're making out.

No, @bubbleup, it's simply that it's also outside their field of expertise.

Other colleagues like him but he's rubbed you up the wrong way so now he's a "twat" and a "little boy" and you don't know how to reply to him.

Where do you get the idea that they like him? The reality is that they're slightly over-impressed by his own estimation of his talents. He's really quite aloof so I don't think anyone really has developed any sort of relationship with him.

Clearly someone with authority needs to make a decision as neither of you are able to

I'm perfectly well able to make a decision, thanks. I just want him to stop wasting my time and his own.

if I was cc'd on something where someone was suggesting something that could invalidate our fucking insurance I can absolutely promise you I'd intervene.

Indeed. Which is why I thought it strange they hadn't if the OP is so clearly right in the matter.

However, as I pointed out, it isn't actually an insurance issue - that is simply the analogy I used to try to explain. It is something which is within my area of expertise and responsibility and isn't something that any manager knows much about.

Once again, @bubbleup, you have demonstrated that you haven't read my post properly and are simply attacking for the sake of it. I suspect you are as insecure as TwatColleague.

Thanks very much for your suggestions, everyone. I agree that what this needs is something short and factual, along the lines of "In view of the fact that we are fully complying with accepted practice in this area we do not propose to make any changes in our procedures" and stonewall TwatColleague from then on.

If it's your area of responsibility and he's just being a besserwisser, a short 'Thank you for your suggestion' and ignore.

@DuineArBith

Thanks very much for your suggestions, everyone. I agree that what this needs is something short and factual, along the lines of "In view of the fact that we are fully complying with accepted practice in this area we do not propose to make any changes in our procedures" and stonewall TwatColleague from then on.

I honestly think you need to add the bit about it invalidating your contract with the machine suppliers, otherwise he’s going to tell you that, just because it has always been done a certain way, it doesn’t mean you can’t change it.

I know it's been suggested that involving your manager makes you look weak but I disagree, depending on the length of the email chain and the level of the staff involved.

That's partly what a manager is there for, maybe I have a particularly bolshy one but he wouldn't think twice about sending an email to say "Duin has extensive experience in this area and therefore we will be disregarding your amendments" - your manager can big you up in a way that sounds a bit arrogant if you do it yourself. If this last email doesn't shut it down it might be worth considering.

Hi OP, you mentioned employment law so not sure if this is the field you work in but as an in house lawyer myself I am used to dealing with colleagues who think they know more about my area of expertise than I do so I absolutely see where you are coming from in terms of wanting to demonstrate what an idiot this person is and open up the eyes of others. Sadly in my experience other colleagues rarely open their eyes unless they really want to.

However, I do think you need to bring an end to this once and for all so in addition to the draft you've shared above I think you need to add something like 'I consider the matter now closed' so it's clear you're not inviting further discussion. Good luck.

Your short and factual response and then stonewalling is the way to go.

Before my DD got promoted to management she had a few issues like this. She'd had the extra training, other colleagues, over the years would have issue with her because of age, she was younger than average but very capable, rather than sex.

I would probably go for something like:
Hi Twatface,
As per my last email these modifications aren’t necessary/applicable/needed because of the reasons previously explained. I will be continuing as discussed.
Kind regards,
OP

Ime, beyond the original explanation the least said the better. End it. Dont use a single word you dont need to.

For eg take your last response and remove "in view of the fact". Alter the end to. "We are not making any changes".

Dont feed him.