Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Twat colleague - AIBU to ask for help in composing a response?

127 replies

DuineArBith · 20/06/2020 10:23

Dealing with a colleague who cannot admit he is ever wrong and hates being called out, especially by women. He also really fancies his expertise in employment law and practice, without real justification.

He's now wasting his time and mine arguing (through emails copied to various other colleagues and managers) about a total non-issue which doesn't relate to employment law, but happens to relate to an area on which I have much more experience and knowledge than he has, and I also know that other people with experience in the area in question agree with me. I can't give the details, but a similar issue would be where, for instance, we were using dangerous machinery for which we are fully covered by manufacturers' guarantees and insurance and he wanted me to make modifications ostensibly for safety purposes which would potentially invalidate those.

I've tried explaining politely that it isn't an issue and why, and I've explained the perfectly adequate precautions we do take in this regard, which I hoped would bring this ridiculous issue to an end. However, of course he cannot accept that because, God forbid, it might involve admitting he got something wrong. His latest email responds to that disagreeing and saying he thinks I should do what he says

My first reactions which, probably fortunately, I suppressed, were to respond with "Go away, little boy, and stop wasting my time" and moving on to "I could do that, of course, if I wanted to invite disaster." I want to signal to others what a twat he is without being overtly rude, not least because some of my colleagues buy into his self-promotion and still think the sun shines out of his arsehole,

Currently thoughts are something along the lines of:

Well, I could do that. However, as a result of (a) my long experience of (relevant area of expertise) and (b) discussions with X, Y and Z who I know have taken specialist advice on the issue, I know that it would be very unwise and potentially dangerous. So, no, I won't be doing it.

Too much?

OP posts:
bubbleup · 21/06/2020 11:06

I'm not "attacking" you OP, I was asking questions that you clearly didn't like. If you're always so sensitive then maybe take a step back. He's rubbing you up the wrong way and whatever words you want to use to describe how you think your colleagues feel about him, they appear to like him. He has "impressed" them.

It's taken you over a day and god knows how many pages on MN to decide how to respond to an email (with the intention of making him look a prick in front of colleagues). Not professional and not the actions of someone with as much experience as you claim.

thedancingbear · 21/06/2020 11:10

I can understand why you feel attached by bubbleup, OP, but at the end of the day your goal in this enterprise is that [you] want to signal to others what a twat he is (from your OP). If that's how you want to conduct your professional life then that's up to you, and no-one here seems to be judging you for it. But in that case you do, as bubbleup says, need to be very sure of your ground.

category12 · 21/06/2020 11:10

Bubbleup, I think that's rather unfair - OP posted the thread, probably went and lived her life and come back to tell us she's read responses and what she's going to do. It's the weekend, there's no immediate need to respond to this email. She hasn't been constantly responding to this thread - they do take on a life of their own.

category12 · 21/06/2020 11:11

came

bubbleup · 21/06/2020 11:37

@category12 true. It is the weekend and if he is indeed wrong but won't let it go then I'm sure waiting the weekend won't kill him.

I do still think that attempting one-upmanship via emails with managers copied in looks unprofessional and childish. And it is always glaringly obvious too, it's not a good thing to see as a manager regardless of who is in the right.

If suggesting the OP checks and double checks that she is actually in the right before passively aggressively attempting to make her colleague look a prick is "attacking" her then so be it. Just seems sensible to me

DuineArBith · 21/06/2020 16:32

@bubbleup

I'm not "attacking" you OP, I was asking questions that you clearly didn't like. If you're always so sensitive then maybe take a step back. He's rubbing you up the wrong way and whatever words you want to use to describe how you think your colleagues feel about him, they appear to like him. He has "impressed" them.

It's taken you over a day and god knows how many pages on MN to decide how to respond to an email (with the intention of making him look a prick in front of colleagues). Not professional and not the actions of someone with as much experience as you claim.

Far from being sensitive, @bubbleup, I really rather enjoy dealing with posts that are so easy to take apart. This post is another fail - you claim not to be attacking, and to be asking questions, so how do you characterise a statement that I probably look ridiculous and your "Embarrassing" comment as anything other than attacks? The only questions you have put are "Really?", and "we don't know who is right, do we?" - all of which seem to be on the rhetorical side rather than actually requiring an answer. So, when I'm dealing with someone who can't read their own posts properly, let alone mine, I'm not in the least sensitive.

As I know the personalities involved directly, I know how much experience I have relative to Twatface, and you know what you've derived from misreading a few lines on the internet, would you care to admit the barest possibility that you could be mistaken? I'm not hurrying to answer the email because - and I don't know if you've noticed this - it's the weekend.

"God knows how many pages"? This is hardly the longest thread. Because I've got my settings sensibly arranged, I'm on page 1.

OP posts:
Notredamn · 21/06/2020 16:42

I definitely wouldn't want to go up against you, OP 😬 here's hoping Twatcolleague takes the hint and stops before he makes things worse for himself!

MitziK · 21/06/2020 16:53

Dear Mr Twat

Thank for your continued interest in this area.

Unfortunately, as noted in our previous email of xx March 2020, your proposals are inappropriate in light of the fact that they would

bypass essential safety procedures,
endanger operators and
potentially expose the company to substantial legal and financial penalty, without recourse to liability insurance which is explicit in its requirement for there to be no unauthorised modifications made to [insert technical terms here]

As I am sure you will appreciate, maintaining the highest standards of efficiency, safety (or whatever the fuck it is that your company says is their mission) and professionalism is a fundamental responsibility for [company name]. For that reason, we will not be taking any action that could potentially jeopardise the safety of our operators or clients.

If, however, you would like further clarification of the specific technicalities, you are welcome to contact me to request an appointment and I will be happy to explain it to you in greater depth.

Regards

Duine ArBith
abc (hons), xyz, FR-ghi (and all other professional qualifications)

bubbleup · 21/06/2020 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LadyGAgain · 21/06/2020 17:24

Just don't reply. Move on. You aren't going to act on his "recommendation" and it sounds like it's not his remit. Your colleagues support you.

DuineArBith · 25/06/2020 08:07

Mildly boring update: I responded along the lines suggested above, Twatface has actually gone quiet (bit of a first), some other colleagues replied saying they agreed with me. Fingers crossed that's the end of it.

Many thanks for your help, people.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 25/06/2020 08:21

Love an update. Even if its mildly boring.Smile

IntermittentParps · 25/06/2020 09:33

Good work, OP!

Piglet89 · 25/06/2020 09:49

Is he a “rogue lawyer” @DuineArBith ? Like, someone who’s maybe done some kind of law course but never actually qualified?

They’re a nightmare.

robjzh · 25/06/2020 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

category12 · 25/06/2020 09:58

Ugh, rtft.

Thanks for updating, op.

Flyingagainstreason · 25/06/2020 10:04

Is @robjzh actually twatface in RL!?!!

robjzh · 25/06/2020 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Flyingagainstreason · 25/06/2020 10:16

@robjzh
Perhaps go back to bed and get out of it the other side. You seem decidedly aggressively annoyed about a: the thread b: a joke !

HeronLanyon · 25/06/2020 10:19

Hi sexist self important tiresome twat face,
Thanks for the below. Your thoughts on this were Of course considered when you first sent them, as part of my review of this policy area. I replied on x date. If anything changes Re government policy (or whatever) I’ll be aware and liaise with and report to Relevant colleagues as is standard and normal practice.
The sub committee dealing with this is (blah) if you continue to have concerns just raise it with them. They are aware of the reasons for the current policy and have approved it.
Thanks as always
Saint.

HeronLanyon · 25/06/2020 10:20

Sorry missed the latest update - annoying ! Maybe I am a type of twat face !!??

cakewench · 25/06/2020 10:35

Thank you for the ‘boring’ update, I was curious how this turned out.

Always appreciate closure in these threads Flowers

category12 · 25/06/2020 12:15

Heronlanyon, You escape twatface status when you realise you're late to the party and go oops instead of doubling down Grin.

DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld · 25/06/2020 13:05

@pictish I love "I hope that provides clarity" proper made me laugh! So passive aggressive.

DuineArBith · 25/06/2020 14:18

Missed whatever pearls of wisdom @robjzh had too impart. Is s/he the new incarnation of bubbleup?

I think he does have a qualification, @Piglet89, but really his only recent experience is in employment law and his knowledge doesn't go beyond that. In fact, the more I deal with him the less confidence I have in his employment law knowledge too.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread