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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to Hide the racist bigot work colleagues from my facebook

125 replies

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 20/06/2020 08:25

it is doing my blood pressure no favours,

however it is like scab, irresistible

what would you do?

OP posts:
Ffsnosexallowed · 20/06/2020 08:26

I'd call them out on their racism. And have done.

redcarbluecar · 20/06/2020 08:29

That's the problem; it does send your blood pressure up arguing with people like that. I'd probably hide them. Do you have to interact with them a lot at work too?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 20/06/2020 08:30

no, i can safely ignore, change the subject/dont bring it up, not engage

OP posts:
WowLucky · 20/06/2020 08:33

I am shocked at the number of people I know (and like, usually) who have really abhorrent views which have come to light over the mast few week, but also the number of my friends who are really just a bit thick and can't grasp the issues.

They are decent enough people but they really can't see why Black Lives Matter is different to All Lives Matter, for example.

Ibizama · 20/06/2020 08:34

Unfriend the twat

KeyWorker · 20/06/2020 08:34

Just delete them and don’t give it any more head space. Don’t engage or worry about coming up with excuses for why. Just delete and move on.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 20/06/2020 08:35

Your options:

Unfollow
Put the on limited
Unfriend
Block.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 20/06/2020 08:37

i have bitten the bullet and unfriended!
it will be good for me

OP posts:
CecilyP · 20/06/2020 08:37

You don’t need our permission; just unfollow or delete!

D4rwin · 20/06/2020 08:38

Ignoring racism is condoning racism. You need to reflect on why you are so fascinated by those comments that you can't counter them, why are you afraid to be anti racist?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 20/06/2020 08:38

no @cecily but I needed encouragement!

OP posts:
Bawdrip · 20/06/2020 08:42

Same. It's making me so depressed that they just can't grasp the very simple argument behind BLM or the trans movement or even brexit. I've been trying to give up Facebook for ages then yesterday I realised I don't have to. I've started a new account with no friends so I can follow all my liked pages, groups I'm in, news sites and marketplace in total peace. I've removed all ofvtgese from my previous account so that one is just friends. Now i will occasionally look at the friends one but tbh it's already highlighted that it's just the same 15 ish people posting the same ish stuff every day and that's not what I like fb for. The relief!

homeishere · 20/06/2020 08:45

Report to your line manager if it’s overtly racist. They’ll be bringing the company into disrepute and almost certainly violating your Social Media Policy

DancingWithTheDevil · 20/06/2020 09:00

Options:
Unfriend: May be slightly awkward at work because she might ask you why.
Hide: She will never know, but you'll have to be careful if she's talking about something and ask "Didn't you see on facebook?" (I deal with that one by carefully choosing who can see my posts and saying I never go on there...)

Patbutcherismyhero · 20/06/2020 09:00

My motto has been to unfriend those who are particularly vile or those I can get away without seeing often. So loads of old school friends who I haven't seen in years have gone.

The ones I have to see regularly - work colleagues and so on - have just been unfollowed which means they are muted on my timeline.

I've already had one angry message from someone asking why I deleted them and I told them it was because I didn't like seeing their views. She tried to get into a debate about it which I went along with for as long as I could be bothered for but ultimately it is a topic that some people just don't get and don't want to change their views on. It's exhausting and depressing.

I don't blame you for wanting to get rid. You don't need or want to see that crap clogging up your timeline. I feel a lot better having like minded people sharing their stuff. It's not a true representation of the world but it makes me feel better.

NewYearNewTwatName · 20/06/2020 09:01

I've got rid of one, only after pointing out how awful their shared post was.

The others are just stupid, they all did the black Tuesday and some wrote heart felt posts about how awful racism is and how shocking that it still going on.

But now they want to protect statues of Winston Churchill, they have been hoodwinked into liking and sharing all lives matter trope.
They just cannot see or understand any of the analogies about the BLM v All lives matter.

it's like they just don't want to think any deeper. They don't like racism they don't class themselves as racist, but are lacking in effort in wanting to understand how deep and sometimes subconsciously racism runs in our society.

it's like talking to a brick wall.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 20/06/2020 09:12

absolutely @NewYear

happy to unfollow plenty

OP posts:
Linning · 20/06/2020 09:13

So when faced with Racism your solution was to enjoy it then ignore it?

And then people wonder why people of color are rioting when some people like OP, have no qualms publicly announcing to the world that NOT only do they prefer to remain silent when discrimination happens but actually quite enjoy grabbing the popcorn and watching the Racists unleash on the internet.

The fact that you felt the need to create a thread to on a forum to brag about enjoying racism (on a passive scale) and how you successfully ignored it proves that maybe your work colleague isn't the only racist bigot unaware of her privileges in at her company.

Check your privileges please, and if racism has an impact on your blood pressure, maybe, just maybe, try to do something about it next time, the fact that you have the privilege to ignore it should tell you that you probably shouldn't.

bolderbaking · 20/06/2020 09:14

why would you hide them? challenge them or unfriend. But hide?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 20/06/2020 09:16

jeeez.@Linn
i am not enjoying it,
the posts are doing my head in,
as above, about Churchill etc.,
however i am not going to call stupid work colleagues out on it, I cannot change their attitudes, they are entrenched.
I have unfollowed them

OP posts:
CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 20/06/2020 09:17

hide them because they are from work,
this is real life

OP posts:
redcarbluecar · 20/06/2020 09:20

@Linning, where have you got all that from? The OP hasn't said she enjoys racism, nor has she done any bragging. Nor has she said she didn't do anything about it. If anything the OP has been a bit sparse with the detail. I took the scab/irresistible comment in the OP to mean that she HAS been challenging the bigoted posts but is now wondering whether to just hide them instead i.e. questioning whether it's worth it.

Lynda07 · 20/06/2020 09:30

Ffsnosexallowed Sat 20-Jun-20 08:26:48
I'd call them out on their racism. And have done.
........

That is exactly what I would do. Anyway the op has blocked them.

I don't get how it was 'like scab, irresistible', frankly but I do not have friends who are racist.

Patbutcherismyhero · 20/06/2020 09:30

@bolderbaking Unfortunately a lot of these people can't be challenged. They aren't interested in other points of view. They are blinkered and will never change their minds. I don't blame the OP especially when it's work colleagues.

Linning · 20/06/2020 09:36

[quote redcarbluecar]@Linning, where have you got all that from? The OP hasn't said she enjoys racism, nor has she done any bragging. Nor has she said she didn't do anything about it. If anything the OP has been a bit sparse with the detail. I took the scab/irresistible comment in the OP to mean that she HAS been challenging the bigoted posts but is now wondering whether to just hide them instead i.e. questioning whether it's worth it.[/quote]
I took the irresistible in it's literal sense as '' Can't help but be drawn to them'' and her OP as an, ''what do I do, do I unfriend her or continue to enjoy the show while inwardly raging''.

As a person of color, when people see racist folks online and/or offline but are like ''can't be bothered to confront them'' BUT ''might keep them around for entertainment purposes though'' I find it extremely hurtful.

Those people, whoever they are, are through their words attacking and spreading and preaching hate towards real people, people like me and my family, and the fact that some people have no qualms looking the other way and fail to acknowledge that what they (might) see as entertainment is a system where those people continue to participate and give power to a system that, to this day, continue to oppress people like me, is highly problematic.

It screams of privileges. It doesn't matter that this person wouldn't change her mind, the goal isn't necessarily to have her change her mind but it's when you see something wrong, CHALLENGE IT, don't let those people go unchallenged and continue to cause damage. Silence can be as deadly as active racism, most people in Germany during WW2 probably didn't take a stance either way because they thought what they did at their scale and thought wouldn't matter, their silence is in part responsible for the 6 millions Jews who died.

For me if you can't be bothered to fight racism at your scale because ''you don't see the point'' and ''she won't listen anyway'' and would rather not try, then you aren't that bothered by it to start with and are actively complicit.

I genuinely don't understand the point of threads where people come to get a pat on the back (not that they would say they do but it always seem to be the spirit) because '' Saw a racist/xenophobic/homophobic prick today, didn't confront them but managed to hit the unfriend button successfully, phew!"

Like cool you now don't have a racist person in your friend list, you still work with her and she still doesn't know you disagree with her view and might assume you don't mind. How is that success? Nor a good thing? Nor worth a thread? (though I guess the last one could be said for most of AIBU)