To say no to this party invitation

[concernedforthefuture]

DS(9) has just been invited to a friend's birthday party this weekend (it will be a garden party).
The host family have 2 children (inc birthday child) plus Mum and Dad. I'm not sure how many children are invited but DS isn't a very close friend of the birthday child so I'm assuming more than 2, which means that it's likely there will be more than 6 people present.
So therefore going to the party would be against the rules, right (we're in England)? Birthday mum has gone to great lengths to explain how she will supply hand gel, encourage the kids to keep 2m apart etc. and they have an outside loo so no-one needs to go into the house. Although their garden isn't huge, I'm not particularly concerned about the risk of catching CV but it doesn't sit right with me - this shouldn't be happening.
AIBU to say no? Or even check how many would be there perhaps without looking rude? If more than 6, how can I politely decline without upsetting the mum or birthday child by making it sound that I'm being critical of their choice to host a party when it's currently not allowed?

I wasn't critical of her decision to have the party, just said that WE were uncomfortable with attending group gatherings. Rude would have been to say "group gatherings aren't allowed so we would be uncomfortable with the idea of breaking the rules", or something to that effect.

My advice was simply to decline without comment. It is rude to sound judgey.

And I've seen photos from the party on Facebook (it was yesterday afternoon) and am happy I made the right decision. 10+ kids in the Lazy Spa / on the trampoline etc. and quite a few mums and siblings there too. Looks like a lot of fun and I'm sure DS could have done with it, but just not the right time for us.

But OP you didn’t need to explain why, that’s a dig

I agree, this can’t and won’t go on forever. But it’s been 3 months (almost 4). Big difference so when iyo is too long? I didn’t see anyone except the Aldi staff for 2 months, then I had to see family for my LO to see her cousins, and now she’s back at nursery. I wouldn’t protest, travel on the tube, ram into a busy store- butat this point my child needs more than me and her dad at home all day. I make zero apology for that when adults- the spreaders of this pandemic- are allowed to do so much by comparison. Everyone has their own priorities, my child’s well being in mine, for others it’s their elderly parents.

I wouldn't even have mentioned being nervous. Just said sorry we already have something on that day

What is all this mealy-mouthed fuckery about not mentioning the fucking pandemic?

This is why selfish shits are having big parties and telling themselves that everyone's doing it. Because people aren't pointing out that it's both unsafe and illegal.

Fuck's sake. You're not some kind of a freedom fighter because you fill your garden with drunk bores, you're just selfish and thoughtless.

It's not rude to tell someone you're uncomfortable with their "risk assessment", any more than it's rude to tell someone to stop hitting you.

'Shaming' people is stupid and unnecessary when it's for things like weight or fashion choice. It's absolutely necessary when it's for people being reckless with other people's safety and just so fucking selfish.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers why is it a dig? If it provokes shame then maybe that's what they should be feeling anyway.

DameFanny because she wasn’t asked “why can’t you come”- now if people on here want to make a dig that’s fine, be honest- because it’s a dig

@OnlyFoolsnMothers It only makes people uncomfortable if it's that the reason makes the would-be hosts look bad. And if it makes them look bad to be choosing to do something that's unsafe then why shouldn't they feel bad?

It's not a dig to reflect discomfort back at the person causing it, any more than it's a dig to point out that someone's standing on your foot/drinking your mug of coffee

Actually, since the invitation breaks the current law, you could look at it on a par with drunk driving. How many people would be happy to make a polite excuse to not get in a car with a drunk driver? Wouldn't you want to point out that 'no mate you're pissed, give the keys to someone else'.

Or 'hey we're going to go into that big garden while the owners are away and have a pool party'. Anyone past teenage would surely be saying 'er, no, not comfortable trespassing thanks'

Actually, since the invitation breaks the current law, you could look at it on a par with drunk driving
....so the government has said no one with a car can drink drive but everyone with a lorry can drink drive ....

It's not a dig to reflect discomfort back at the person causing it yep it is- but hey I don’t care if people want to loose friends just be honest that you want to let the other person know you judge them for their actions.

Drunk driving a truck? Where in earth do you get that equivalence Fools?

Because as I have said repeatedly adults can do so much more than children under the relaxed guidelines- children imo are become pointless collateral damage in this epidemic. As I have also said my child is my priority and she needs to mix with her peers again, I’m not apologising for that.

Adults aren't supposed to be at parties with more than 5 other people either though. I think you've got yourself confused.

I think what the OP said when declining was fine. My response to ”suit yourself” would be “Thanks, that’s exactly what we’re doing”. Sounds like you made the right call OP!

How is your son coping with not seeing his friends for so long?

At that age friendship is so important, I’d be worried he’ll be left behind

If no one's seeing their friends how are they being 'left behind'?

I wouldn't worry about her reply. And you are not letting your kids get 'left behind'

You are keeping them safe, within their family and the regulations, not putting them in solitary confinement.

But adults can play golf, go shopping, protest- kids are not the same as adults, an adult is able to better process these mad times and comprehend why they can’t mix, they have the ability to better cope. Kids aren’t even the spreaders or the victims of this disease.
Like I said I’m looking out for my child, and what’s best for her. I’m not running to a party myself but I’ll sure as hell arrange a play date if I can.

Personally I would be arranging a play date for my child with a few friends within the guidelines. It is a shame he has missed out, but I think there is a lot you can do to make up for it in a way that makes you feel safe and comfortable op.

@damefanny they are though. She said 10 of his classmates were at the party. I really worried about my daughter losing her friendships but we’ve done quite a few play dates now - she’s so much happier

Trying to keep up with people deliberately breaking the law is a mug's game that normalises selfish behaviour. Is that what you want them to learn from you?

I’d quite like my child to understand statistics.