To say no to this party invitation

[concernedforthefuture]

DS(9) has just been invited to a friend's birthday party this weekend (it will be a garden party).
The host family have 2 children (inc birthday child) plus Mum and Dad. I'm not sure how many children are invited but DS isn't a very close friend of the birthday child so I'm assuming more than 2, which means that it's likely there will be more than 6 people present.
So therefore going to the party would be against the rules, right (we're in England)? Birthday mum has gone to great lengths to explain how she will supply hand gel, encourage the kids to keep 2m apart etc. and they have an outside loo so no-one needs to go into the house. Although their garden isn't huge, I'm not particularly concerned about the risk of catching CV but it doesn't sit right with me - this shouldn't be happening.
AIBU to say no? Or even check how many would be there perhaps without looking rude? If more than 6, how can I politely decline without upsetting the mum or birthday child by making it sound that I'm being critical of their choice to host a party when it's currently not allowed?

If he is not close to the child I would decline.

We did have a garden party for DD (7) at the weekend but we only invited her 2 best friends who each came with one parent. The siblings were disappointed to miss out as my DD is also close to them but we sent cake home for them.....

We are going to a party this weekend, five children inc mine. So under six as a group.

Five parents, so under six, making a separate group of six.

You are allowed to meet up in groups of six, so you can keep the children together as one group, and the adults together as separate group. I think it is perfectly fine, all outside and only for a few hours.

I definitely would not be letting my child miss out on a much needed party if I knew the numbers were within the guidelines. Your child will enjoy it, and we have to be careful not to suck the joy out of everything.

So it is a yes from me (as long as it is within the guidelines or thereabout) I think it is okay to ask how many are going, what the arrangements are.

You are allowed inside the house to use the loo or to pass through to the guidelines op, if you are in England.

**the garden not guidelines that is!

@user1498647726 completely agree.
I recently got told to use my common sense about the guidance. Well no, the guidance is pretty clear. A gathering of more then 6 people in England is breaking the rules. Crystal clear, no common sense needed.

A massive part of me wishes they would end lockdown so I’m not the only one left stopping my child from joining in these activities but it’s obviously still too unsafe to do that, so why do so many people feel comfortable applying their own interpretation (aka breaking the rules)?

@pigeon999 I think lots of people are passing through guidelines

I get so so so cross with people saying “my child’s mental health/happiness/socialization is much more important”.

FUCK OFF. Unless your child has mental health issues serious enough to merit endangering someone’s life NO. IT’S NOT MORE IMPORTANT.

Just say you can’t take it any more, being indoors with your children. Or that’s the noise and mess and the whining and complaining bothers you too much.

I would decline.

It's incredible how many people jump to bend every rule that is announced. The number of 2 parent families I've seen reuniting kids with grandma this week, even though they don't need a support bubble in the slightest because both parents are at home.

So annoying.

well, my child safety is my priority.

Then my child's mental health is more important than my neighbours health. If the government has declared it safe for my child to be socialising now the schools are open, then a party invitation is no different.

I would decide on a party invitation based on the risk to my own child. As long as they don't go hugging a shielding person straight after, then fine.

mum yes definitely. Groups of six is fine, and quite frankly outside in the fresh air and being with friends again will do everyone the world of good (unless they are shielding of course)

@ARoseInHarlem YES!!!! YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!

ALL the claps for that comment!

It's incredible how many people jump to bend every rule that is announced. The number of 2 parent families I've seen reuniting kids with grandma this week, even though they don't need a support bubble in the slightest because both parents are at home.

That's absolutely within (and part of the point of) the rules if grandma is living on her own. In this case it's to give her support, not the family. It's only "bending" (well not remotely "bending", outright "breaking" the rules if grandma lives with another adult.

@ARoseInHarlem 👏👏👏👏👏

And

Everyone is allowed to decide what’s best for them
Muppet.

@JaniceWebster

Then my child's mental health is more important than my neighbours health

Are you serious? Do you mean this? Does your child have a grave mental health issue that’s aggravated - to the point of death - that allows you to jeopardize your neighbour’s life?

• that’s aggravated by compliance with the rules - to the point of death - etc

ARoseInHarlem
of course I am serious. - plus I am and always have, been following the guidelines.

My child is allowed to go to school, I am allowed to go shopping.
No difference with a birthday party in the garden.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I agree with you- my DD and two friends all turn 3 within 3 weeks of each other and go to nursery 4 days a week. For each we are having a garden picnic (just the three girls + 1 parent each distancing) so they get some kind of ‘party’. They’re 3 and so excited. I wouldn’t go to a massive gathering but it sounds like the mum is being sensible so maybe call for a chat about numbers etc?

just say you can’t take it any more, being indoors with your children.

As I am in England, I have never been told to stay indoors with my children anyway, we were allowed outside once during the strictest restrictions - and unlimited in our garden obviously.

@ARoseInHarlem I understand your point but how long do you think it’s ok for kids to go without socialisation etc for? 3 months? 6 months? A year? Older people can play golf, go to garden centres etc. These come with an element of risk arguably no higher than being stood behind the mother of a child who played with friends that weekend in Tesco. I wouldn’t be organising massive parties of having kids jumping all over grandparents but ultimately risk is part of life now for everyone.

As you are just worried about rules, it’s more tricky as it’s highly probable that they will break some rules (unintentionally even). I wouldn’t go because I don’t believe it’s possible to follow all these rules with small children but I wouldn’t ask a host about anything, I would just tell her that we are still not doing parties for personal reasons.
And I would suggest Zoom to birthday boy to say Happy birthday or sending a card to him but not a visit.

By the way, gathering of 6 children and their 6 parents are breaking the rules. It’s more than 6 people gathering at one garden. People who want to break rules should just own it imo and don’t pretend that it’s done for “greater good”.
In some situations it could be wiser to go against the rules. Our neighbours saw their grandparents before the restrictions were lifted, and before their DC went back to school. I think it’s right decision even if it’s against the rules formally. They saw each other BEFORE they’ve got new contacts.

Just say you can’t take it any more, being indoors with your children. Or that’s the noise and mess and the whining and complaining bothers you too much sorry not true at all!! My child was so happy to return to nursery- it’s not my issue if other people can’t read statistics, Of those that have died of covid 47% are over 85,
88% are over 60.

My child is allowed to go to school, I am allowed to go shopping. No difference with a birthday party in the garden

Older people can play golf, go to garden centres etc

Aside from the point about restricting exposure, these points are fair. But the reasoning behind these is that you think the government guidelines and rules are illogical or unreasonable, so you’re making your own decisions. Fine. But this has nothing to do with “my child’s mental health > my neighbour’s health”. The argument is “the government’s rules are ridiculous and I’m taking matters into my own hands”. I think this is a very sensible and reasonable thing to do, at times (although I think more along the lines of abolishing apartheid than a kid’s birthday party, but whatever).

how long do you think it’s ok for kids to go without socialisation etc for? 3 months? 6 months? A year?

I haven’t thought much about it. Different lengths at different ages, I should think. But I’m this day and age, where technology allows children to communicate with others and outdoor recreation is allowed, a year isn’t too long I think. Play, interaction, development - you can’t stop these things from happening when the time comes. They’re natural. Children aren’t going to be damaged from a year of no school playgrounds or play dates or birthday parties.

My child was so happy to return to nursery- it’s not my issue if other people can’t read statistics, Of those that have died of covid 47% are over 85, 88% are over 60

It’s this sort of comment that gives me the rage. You think it’s okay to endanger the life of a 60+ year old or 85+ year old parent or grandparent or just plain old person because your child was so happy to go back to nursery? Can you hear yourself??! Unbelievable.

I'm with @ARoseInHarlem

The risk hasn't gone away with boredom

And why do so many people talk/act as if lockdown is something that the government has done to us, when it's something the virus has done to us?

I mean, fair enough there were twats in the blitz who also said "I'd rather die above ground than go into a bomb shelter' but at least they were only risking their own lives 🙄

It was said in the early days of the pandemic, but I think people have forgotten.

We need to behave

• to stop ourselves catching the virus AND
• (as though we have the virus and) to stop ourselves spreading it to anyone else.

The majority of people who say they have "risk assessed" are only thinking about the first point and the impact getting the virus would have on them. They are not thinking about the impact of spreading it to others.

I wonder if this thread might be a little skewed because most of the people that would post to tell you to go for it are probably at picnics and little gatherings now, and not staying in!!

I mean, I am just going to a party (of six) and so will also leave the thread. I am simply suggesting that those seeking joy and love might be out enjoying the sun no? It is your call op, and we are all at different stages and you must to what you think is right for your child.

For my children that means seeing as many friends as humanly possibly within the guidelines, for yours it may be staying in. So make your own judgements. Just about to have a lovely Friday night drink now, lets make the most of it before the autumn arrives and with it another wave.