To say no to this party invitation

[concernedforthefuture]

DS(9) has just been invited to a friend's birthday party this weekend (it will be a garden party).
The host family have 2 children (inc birthday child) plus Mum and Dad. I'm not sure how many children are invited but DS isn't a very close friend of the birthday child so I'm assuming more than 2, which means that it's likely there will be more than 6 people present.
So therefore going to the party would be against the rules, right (we're in England)? Birthday mum has gone to great lengths to explain how she will supply hand gel, encourage the kids to keep 2m apart etc. and they have an outside loo so no-one needs to go into the house. Although their garden isn't huge, I'm not particularly concerned about the risk of catching CV but it doesn't sit right with me - this shouldn't be happening.
AIBU to say no? Or even check how many would be there perhaps without looking rude? If more than 6, how can I politely decline without upsetting the mum or birthday child by making it sound that I'm being critical of their choice to host a party when it's currently not allowed?

[Mrskeats]

Everyone is allowed to decide what’s best for them
No there are rules. For god's sake how hard is it to understand this? You are not just affecting your own family.

[bridgetreilly]

Everyone is allowed to decide what’s best for them

That is not, in fact, how the law works.

[ImFreeToDoWhatIWant]

I'd check the total numbers first, but if it meets the six or less in the garden, I'd let my ds go.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Well if people are ok to protest and ram into a Nike or Primark store, or go golfing then yes my child, who has been denied interaction with her friends despite being in the safest group, can go to a birthday party.

[Mrskeats]

Kids are going to have a lot of trouble distancing at a party.
I haven't been into Primark either- other people's daft decisions don't affect mine.

[RedskyAtnight]

No there are rules. For god's sake how hard is it to understand this? You are not just affecting your own family.

OP doesn't know that this party is breaking the rules though and seems reluctant to ask questions to find out.

I would agree that breaking rules = don't go.

[derxa]

Poor children

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

That’s why I said everyone makes a decision for their family. I have no issue with people still keeping their children locked away, it has no impact on me. My personal view is covid isn’t going anywhere, the curve is downward and my child/ family are v low risk. Children are paying the price for this pandemic despite the scientific evidence and I’m sick of it

[ImInYourMindFuzz]

Nope. Our city has had a spike in cases in the past 2 weeks. 25% of all cases have been in the past two weeks. I’m avoiding everywhere at the moment.

[EmbarrassedUser]

@concernedforthefuture With all due respect, why do you need justification for your decision from strangers on the internet? You’re the mum, do what you think is best and boast about it on FB 🤦‍♀️

[Ponoka7]

I asked how many would be at a party, before I said i'd go, in these circumstances it isn't rude. The party Mum decided to stagger the adults coming to see the child.

There were seven children (three households) and we were able to stay in the garden.

We risk assessed for ourselves and decided that the benefits to the children outweighed any risk. That was fourteen days ago.

You can't risk assess without information.

[Mrskeats]

locked away
No need for the rhetoric

[CherryHereCherryThere]

If I was sure there would be less than 6 people then I would go. You'll have to ask OP, unless you don't think it's a great idea for your DS to go anyway, in which case just politely decline.

Love how people are saying they can make decisions based on what's best for their family, I didn't realise you could break the law as long as you felt it was right. Must be the Cummings effect.

[Jaxhog]

Decline. For all the reasons already given.

He isn't a close friend, so it shouldn't be a big deal. And yes, the birthday boy's DM is being unreasonable to break the rules like this.

[happytoday73]

Why don't you decline but say you will come past earlier in the day, drop off a little gift and sing Happy birthday from the pavement.

[MayFayre]

I would ask about numbers and then politely decline if need be.

[jeanne16]

Just let your child go to the party. Children are very unlikely to get Covid badly but we are storing up all sorts of emotional problems for our kids.

[JaniceWebster]

Is anyone following the "rules" anymore?

[crosstalk]

@JaniceWebster. I am - vulnerable person living with me. So if a kid goes to a party and gets Covid s/he will very likely survive I agree. But is he meeting a GP as part of the bubble?

Yes most areas seem to be beyond peak Covid and it's been hugely disruptive especially to the young, parents and people unable to WFH or furloughed. But a second spike would be worse.

[mumwon]

hmm not a close friend but been asked - doesn't occur that maybe the birth boy's close friends have refused & your dc is next on list (sorry to be cynical)
message mother or ask her for details - how many children will be coming & how many supervising
if its just her & 5 children (& birthday boy doesn't have siblings!) might be legal but it depends on how happy you are about the caution/care the mother might offer - how well do you know her?

[concernedforthefuture]

@Ianthanum the outside loo is relevant because they shouldn't be going in the house at all - it is not permitted yet (in England anyway).

[concernedforthefuture]

@EmbarrassedUser For the same reason that everyone else posts questions on Mumsnet - it's useful to have an impartial opinion from other people sometimes.

[concernedforthefuture]

@mumwon I know her well enough to chat at the school gates and well enough to know that she's the type to bitch about you if you upset her.
There is a younger sibling (4 or 5 so is back at school) and Mum and Dad are both at home all day (the Dad is the type that usually gets involved in parties / play dates rather than hides out the way). I can't imagine that the Dad would take the little brother out and miss the party, but I guess that's a possibility that I hadn't considered. I just assumed 4 members of their family and most likely more than 2 friends would mean a gathering of more than 6.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Fact is this government is making it up as it goes along- they have deliberately chosen to ignore the needs of children- other countries prioritised children before the older more vulnerable groups. People are having grandparents baby sit, adults can play golf, and masses of people can protest. Do I give a shit if my 3 year old mixes with her peers and it puts a smile on her face at a time she can’t do anything else: can’t sit on a swing, go swimming, go to Soft play...quite frankly I don’t!

[bridgetreilly]

Fact is this government is making it up as it goes along

Well, of course it is. We haven't actually had a coronavirus pandemic before so that we know how it will go and what to plan for, ffs.