If you have a 13 year old who's out a lot, what time do they have to be home by?

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

I'm being nagged and need some perspective.

I wondered what time other people's 13 year olds need to be home by?

My sons friends seem to be out until last 8pm, and is incredulous that I ask him to be home by 6.30pm.

No one had answered the question I asked. Oh well I never had to worry so that's fine.

@Sostenueto you mean the one RedHelenB answered...?

Sorry @Sostenueto

Can I ask a question? What would you all do if your child did not answer their phone when you rang it if you were not sure exactly where they were?

This has happened - I would phone again. If she didn't answer after a couple of tries I would phone one of the friends she was out with. If nobody in the group answered I would wait for her to get home and give her a bollocking and she would be grounded. If she didn't come home at the agreed time I would go to the places she frequents and phone other parents to help.

What if there was an emergency?

I would expect her to phone me / the emergency services / seek help from passers by / come home, whichever was appropriate.

What if they lost their phone or had it stolen? How would you find your child?

I would expect her to come home in the normal way if she lost her phone so I wouldn't need to find her. If I wanted to get in touch I would phone one of the friends she was with. When this has happened in the past and she needed to get in touch she has borrowed someone's phone. She could also go into a shop for help or to the police station or to a friend's house to ask their parents or to a neighbour's house etc etc. This is all good stuff for them to be experiencing imo.

And you know, sometimes my children go/went out without their phones, just as we would have done at their age. And they found their way home!

@Sostenueto my answer is the same as DingoDing's.

I should have also said that my rules would change depending on where we lived.

I think 6.30 is too early for a 13yo. My 14yo DS would be horrified if I told him he had to be home by 6.30

My children aren't old enough for roaming but 10pm was the norm for me about 15 years ago, I didn't get up to anything awful. I was just a normal teenager.

@Sostenueto

Can I ask a question? What would you all do if your child did not answer their phone when you rang it if you were not sure exactly where they were? What if there was an emergency? What if they lost their phone or had it stolen? How would you find your child?

Mine know they have 30 minutes to call me back or they’ll be grounded when they get in (unless they have good reason obviously).

If they have an emergency then they’ll deal with it in the way they’ve been taught. DD1 is the calmest person I know. At 15 she was the first to react when a child was knocked down outside of the church hall. She called administered first aid and got someone to call an ambulance. If there’s an emergency or something happens at home then I’ll either send a text to let them know what’s going on, or they’ll find out about it when they get home.

If they’d lost their phone or had it stolen, or as in the case of DS1 when he was 14 his phones died on him, they’d use a friend’s phone to let me know. Why would I need to find them? They’d come home when there was a problem or at their curfew. If there was a coincidental need for me to get in touch with them exactly when their phone went astray I’d call one of their friends or send a “could you please ask your DS/DD to ask mine to call me please?” to one of the other parents.

Part of letting them out is, IMO, them learning how to deal with hiccups in a relatively safe environment.

@TheTurnOfTheScrew free-range teenagering. Brilliant! I love that phrase.

DD 13 is not allowed out to just ‘wander’ as is not wise in our area. But she’s free to make plans and time gets adjusted accordingly. Outdoors on a park say... then home before dark. At a mates house getting a lift home... prob 9pm on a school night so long as homework ok. She’s out at hobbies with mates several nights a week until 9-9:30 so I know she copes sleep and homework wise. Obviously this was pre lockdown and at the moment I’m much more restrictive on who she can meet and where.