If you have a 13 year old who's out a lot, what time do they have to be home by?

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

I'm being nagged and need some perspective.

I wondered what time other people's 13 year olds need to be home by?

My sons friends seem to be out until last 8pm, and is incredulous that I ask him to be home by 6.30pm.

My just turned 9 year old before lockdown played out in summer until 8 on a weekday and sometimes 9 on a weekend. Only playing out on the street or in other people's gardens.

6.30pm for dinner. Pre pandemic
Weekends 7pm
10 pm no chance

Mine are split between older and younger than that atm, but at 13 if they older ones were out and about in a friend's garden, at the skate park, on their bikes or at the trampoline park then 9pm or 9.30

My 13yr old DD is meeting up with her 2 BFFs most evenings. They go out after dinner (so about 6.30) and have to be back by 9. They sit in the park chatting or walk around the village chatting.

I'm fully aware some kids are sitting out there up to no good. But I trust my daughter, and if I'm being naive then between me and the other mums we know most of the parents and kids round here and would soon hear about it if they'd been up to something.

My 13 year old boy now 36 was never out unless I knew exactly where he was and he had to phone me at regular intervals.
He was NEVER out after dark unless he was at someones house and their parents could confirm that.
13 is much too young to be roaming the streets and getting into trouble.

Home for dinner ie 6.30 unless doing something specific, like bowling, or round a friend's house. No fixed time if doing something specific and structured. But just free-range teenagering needs to be wrapped up by dinner.

Roaming about with no plan no later than 6.30. Out for a known purpose whatever time is necessary really. Mine never went out unless going somewhere.

I think 6.30/7 is fine at 13 unless for a special occasion.
Roaming the streets until late is trouble waiting to happen, in my experience.
Obviously, it's up to individual parents based on their risk assessment.

My DS is 14 and currently his usual curfew is 8 pm or sometimes earlier if I want him back for dinner.

Before all this, he would be allowed out later if we knew where he was - e.g. at someone's house or at the cinema.

Now they can't go to each others houses or anywhere, so they're just hanging round parks. My worry is the later they are out, the more likely they are to get into trouble, and the type of people and behaviour you get in parks changes the later it is.

It is difficult. He needs to see his friends. I have to trust him and his friends to social distance and not to meet in large groups, but I know what teenagers are like, and how unnatural it is for them (and us) it is to keep apart. He hasn't got a girlfriend at the moment, so that makes it slightly easier for now.

Talking to his friends' parents, a lot of them seem to be struggling with the situation, as they have lost all the structure to their lives. I know some of his friends have come home drunk or stoned during the last month, and that worries me. If my DS has, he has hidden it well, but I have confiscated vapes from him.

My DS is usually fairly good at keeping to his curfew, but the other problem is that my own anxiety levels are higher than normal at the moment, so if he is late back, and doesn't answer his phone I will be fretting

DS is 14 in a week and times fluctuate dependent on sunset etc. This time of year, 8.30/9, possibly 9.30 occasionally, but we have a WhatsApp group with other parents so we all know what time others are due back so we don't get any of the 'but this person is allowed' nonsense. We live in a big village so limited places to hang about. Obviously up until a couple of weeks ago he wasnt out at all. My sons friends have all been seen by various friends, some social distance, some don't. Much like most adults seemingly . I am 45 and was out till roughly the same time when I was growing up, but no mobile and no tracking by phone and in a much rougher area. And no I wasn't a neglected child, just a trusted one.

Under normal circumstances, she is out twice a week until 10pm for cadets (she gets herself there and back) and occasionally out with friends to about 9pm.

At the moment, she isn't out at all...there's a pandemic on!

A pp mentioned they’d soon hear if their child was up to something, from others in the area. For me it’s not my kids getting up to something it’s more who they might encounter and how they’d deal with a situation. A girl got raped in a park right next to us just walking home recently. There’s too many nut jobs about .

My kids are younger so I'm not there yet but I can't imagine letting a 13 year old out til 10pm. I never really had a curfew but we lived in a small village and there was nothing to do. If I was watching a film at a friends my parents knew where I was or they had to collect me in the car from the cinema etc due to the distance. Other than that i might be sleeping over at a friends but never just "out" late at night until i was much older - 16 maybe?

6.30 is ridiculously early and the poor kid will probably be being laughed at by his friends. I would say 8-8.30 on a school night and 9-9.30 on a weekend is more reasonable.

@worzelsnurzel123

A pp mentioned they’d soon hear if their child was up to something, from others in the area. For me it’s not my kids getting up to something it’s more who they might encounter and how they’d deal with a situation. A girl got raped in a park right next to us just walking home recently. There’s too many nut jobs about .

You need to teach them how to deal with situations though, but obviously in age appropriate ways. That girl could have been attacked going to or from school, or going to work. It's not just being out playing or hanging around that's dangerous.

One of mine got approached by a beggar asking for money on her way home from school in January. Her friend, at 14, hadn't a clue what to do. She froze. Turns out she's never been allowed out anywhere on her own other than to and from school and had never encountered any strangers in any form.

Letting them run feral obviously isn't good, but they need a little bit of freedom because they need to experience things and make mistakes so that when they are older and face even more dangerous situations (especially as women) they are equipped to make decisions. Developing their instincts is also important.

I'd have said 9pm to 9.30, as long as you know where they are, who they are with etc, but not during present circumstances.

The time doesn’t matter.
At thirteen I think their parents should know where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, which adult is responsible and available and when they are due back. I would think a thirteen year old allowed to vaguely be out a lot was a disaster waiting to happen.

Its daylight here until 11pm.
At 13, my Dd was allowed out until 9 on weekdays, 10 at weekends.
No specific activity because none of them are sporty, but they genuinely liked long walks, or just hanging out and chatting, maybe playing cards or even on their DS's, but outside in nice weather.
Dd is now 18 and doesn't live at home, still does similar kinds if outdoor activities.
"Roaming the streets", or actually just walking?

@CherryPavlova

The time doesn’t matter. At thirteen I think their parents should know where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, which adult is responsible and available and when they are due back. I would think a thirteen year old allowed to vaguely be out a lot was a disaster waiting to happen.

I agree. We were quite laid back but they were never allowed to just roam the streets. Going somewhere specific, going to a friend's fine. No particular curfew and we were always available for lifts. Friends always welcome at home. Wandering the streets nope.

6.30 at the latest here.

I don't think 6.30 is too early if they've gone out after school. I like to see my kids!

Don't think there is anything wrong with roaming at all. If you're in a large group and are intimidating people I could see the issue. But me and my friend used to 'roam' so that we could talk freely without worrying about our parents listening to our every word.

madcap totally agree. My Dgd now 18 has never found the need to roam the streets. She had her friends round or went to their homes and we knew exactly where she was. She's independent and had travelled by train 40 miles each way to school since she was 11. She never lacked a social life and I really cannot understand DC roaming the streets for something to do. My Dgd always had plenty to do. Must be awful to be so bored that roaming the streets us a better option.

@Sostenueto Congrats to your dgd.