Teen friend demanding birthday money

[innerturmoil]

My daughter is 17 and has a friend that she has known since they were in reception. Over the years they haven't been as close as she is quite difficult and has bullied people in the past but they have mutual friends even though they don't still go to the same school. Anyway on some birthdays in the past the friendship group may have clubbed together to buy a joint present. The friend had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and obviously they didn't get together as a group due to lockdown. However the friend has since sent a flurry of bullying messages to the individuals in the group asking for birthday money. My daughter has so far ignored the messages but it's getting to the point where the friend is giving her bank details without being asked and expecting everyone to pay up. I don't think my daughter should send her money and it feels like this girl is being really rude. What do other teen parents think.

Some birthdays, not all? If all send £2.50. If not then ignore the CF!

Is your DD likely to see the girl in question anytime soon?

If they usually get her a present it’s not very nice to just suddenly stop Without any reason or discussion but that does not mean she has the right it demand money or anything or give unsolicited bank details to try and push people into paying. A gift is a nice thing not something that’s demanded or expected.

I would suggest your daughter distances herself from this girl, she doesn’t sound like she is a good friend.

Oh sorry just saw SOME birthdays ignore the first few lines of my post.

Absolutely not. Greedy little so and so.

Asking for money is rude.

Doing nothing for her birthday (assuming they didn't) is pretty poor. Is the asking for money in reaction to this?

I’d tell my dd that she shouldn’t be worried about not sending the money and that in my opinion the friend is behaving outrageously.

It sounds like the friendship has changed significantly over the years and I’d also tell her that she doesn’t need to feel Obligated this friendship just because she’s known this girl for a long time. She doesn’t have to stay friends with her forever.

It's a shame the group couldn't get her a present anyway, lockdown or not.

She's being rude though

If the friend group usually does birthday gifts and this girl has paid out to others, then your dd should pay up. It’s not fair to expect people to pay out for birthdays but then not receive anything when it’s their birthday.

So tempting to say that she already has a present for her and present a book on Etiquette and Manners to her. We have given presents in lockdown because it must be fairly miserable but they certainly weren't demanded and were people who they would normally send presents to, genuine friends.

It's a difficult one. If the friendship group buy each other birthday presents, and shes chipped in too. Then it's not fair noone sent her anything or even mentioned her birthday?! However she shouldn't be demanding money from them! How about the group chips in for a bunch of flowers to be delivered to her?

Incredibly rude!!!!

Well she is being rude about it. BUT, if she always pitches in for their presents, then they should have done smth for her. They could put in towards voucher.

Simple. Tell your daughter that is someone she doesn’t want to be friends with and get her block her number. I bet her friends feel the same, it’s suppose to be a gift not a expected thing. 17 or not, she’s a CF and it’s not going to get any better.

This is very grabby absolutely don't give her the money she sounds awful

More detail needed: do they usually do a group whip for birthdays which they all chip in and now no one has for her birthday? If so then the girl is feeling hard done by after contributing to others but demanding money isn’t on. The group should have organised something to be delivered if a whip round is usually what’s done.
What has happened on other friends birthdays during lockdown? If there has been any.
Was her birthday just ignored???

Her rudeness would put me off. Cheeky so and so. I like the suggestion about getting her a book on etiquette and manners

i'd be pretty pissed off if i had contributed to a group gift, and nothing arrived on my turn

Anyway on some birthdays in the past the friendship group may have clubbed together to buy a joint present. The friend had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and obviously they didn't get together as a group due to lockdown

how do they pick who gets a gift, and who contributes?

Tell her mother. Unless that's where she learned her behaviour. Cheeky swine.

Very rude, but if you believe this girl contributed to a present for your dd, then probably a gesture would be appropriate.

I think in the past for SOME birthdays there has been a group present but not all. Also in the last year people have gone to different schools so friendship groups have morphed - it has never been a situation where for 7 years the same group of friends do a joint present. Other birthdays in the group have happened during lockdown and there have been messages sent (as there were for her) but no presents, group or otherwise. I'm just amazed at her cheek, particularly as she's not super close any more with some of the girls she has been targeting.

The girl in question sounds really rude and should not be demanding money.

However, lockdown is no excuse not to organise a joint gift, if this is what is usually done - online shopping has always been available.

If your DD cares about maintaining the friendship then she could contact the others to arrange a joint present. If she isn't bothered (and I wouldn't be surprised, given her friend's behaviour) then she can just ignore the messages.

Ah sorry, cross post. If other birthdays in the group have gone unmarked during lockdown then the friend is being massively unreasoanble!

Very rude to ask, but if the group tend to do this for everyone's birthday, and have missed her out due to lockdown I can see why she's a bit miffed. I think it's maybe a case of all the teens are still learning social 'rules'. She's rude for asking, but the others are also rude for forgetting her.

She sounds rather rude. She’s old enough to know better. Is speak to the mother and tell her about her daughter.
Then tell my dd to block her