AIBU or GP should at least acknowledge videos of grandchild

[mintandcoral]

This might sound petty but I do feel like things that wouldn't necessarily have bothered me much before are getting to me a bit now we've been in lockdown for so long- so prepared to be told IABU.

Since lockdown started I was aware that grandparents on both sides would miss our 1 year old very much. Families on both sides live several hours drive away so we have been unable to see any of them since March. We usually see them at least once a month.

I already sent them the ocassional video but during lockdown I have started consistently sending videos to them of ds. I send them over watsapp to my mum, dad and MIL. FIL doesn't have a phone.

MIL repeatedly doesn't acknowledge that I have sent her these videos, which are only ever a couple of minutes long. I see the double blue ticks so I know that she has received them and watched them but nothing. I think it got to 10 videos, over the course of a couple of weeks once and she had said nothing.

In contrast my own parents who love the videos, comment on each one - even just to say 'wow he has grown' or 'his vocabulary is really coming along' or whatever stock gp phrase. I'm also in a group with my family where my sister shares videos of my cousins with her pil and parents and again, everyone generally will make a comment every now and then.

I'm not expecting poetry, I just find it odd having radio silence for sometimes weeks on end. When dh rings them says she misses him and wants to facetime with him. Do you think she just doesn't like me very much? There is a history of her sulking in the past and she can be extremely passive aggressive. I find this passive aggressive or am I over reacting and this is a normal response? I sent a ridiculous cute video last night and I just think how can you not even comment?!

IABU- totally normal gp doesn't acknowledge video
IANBU- behaviour is a bit weird

@Lampan looking back at our chats she has actually responded when I've sent photos!

@mummabubs thanks. I think you've explained that really well. I'll keep this in mind from now on and let dh do more of the contact.

Stop sending baby spam

@BogRollBOGOF it's just because its just me and her in the chat. It feels a bit more awkward when she doesn't acknowledge anything somehow, like I'm posting to a wall. I would be much less bothered if it was in a group.

I miss my friends and there kids bit actually videos of everyday life of them hold very little interest to me. I did tell my friend this and she understood and stopped sending me then with such regularity. Now I get photos / videos of Mike stones and exciting events much less frequently and find them much more interesting x

Is she actually watching the videos, though? We have family who send through tons of videos and my phone doesn't deal well with video file sizes. So I open the message, get prompted to download the video and either do or don't depending on the day, the wifi or broadband situation, how full my phone is and all sorts of other reasons.

Have you actually asked her if she likes getting them and if she would like you to keep sending them? You could say that someone else has said the files are too big for their phone and you hadn't realised. SO it doesn't sound like you are being petulant about her lack of comments.

Blimey - do you really expect a comment on every single video clip and photo you send? That sounds pretty full on and OTT to me, of the older generation.
I'm sure she can love her grandchild and appreciate the pics without having to make a gushing comment to every single one. Seems a little needy to me. Perhaps it's a generational thing.

@SkiddySkidz spam suggests its constant, which it is not. We're talking 1/2 videos a week. Which I will now be cutting down on significantly.

I’d most definitely class one / two videos a week as spam.

@Haffdonga I'm not expecting a comment on every video. Its just strange after I've sent 5 videos with no response. Maybe me and my family are just needy we are all quite emotional and open.

I know that not everyone is the same. I started this thread to give me some perspective on this situation because I am well aware that sometimes my overly emotional way of looking at things can mean I misjudge situations. It has helped me gain some much needed perspective

Glad you're going to cut down on the messages now, that should answer the question of what the problem was.

As an aside, you've said twice that your sister is sending videos of your cousins. Unless there's an unusual set up where your sister is caring for your cousins (who would also be her cousins, i.e. the children of your uncle and aunt), you probably mean your nieces and nephews.

@Monsterjam even if it was of your grandson who you could no longer see?

I didn't know we had to acknowledge photos sent.
Are you my dil?
I rarely acknowledge them, but I'm sure dil and ds1 realise I appreciate the pics.

@Monsterjam

I’d most definitely class one / two videos a week as spam.

Of a random child yes, but basically calling videos of a grandchild annoying rubbish is pretty harsh. Grandparents do normally love their grandchildren

I love receiving videos of my 2 year old grandson. Especially vids where he is doing something different, a new stage in his development or funny.

I usually make a comment about what he is doing, “Clever boy” or something. Sometimes a ❤️, 😂 or “Awh bless him” will suffice.

There have been times where I haven’t commented - if I’m busy or out and have forgotten about it. Then I will mention it when we catch up on FaceTime.

It’s sad that your MIL never comments OP. The only way to know if she would like you to stop sending vids is to ask her. I have no idea why a grandmother wouldn’t want to be sent videos of her grandchildren. However, everyone is different. The posts about mothers, grandmothers and mother in laws on MN prove that.

We rarely see posts about fathers, grandfathers and father in laws though

@Fink sorry I meant neices/nephews but said cousins as they are my ds cousins!

Mine does this. I don't send many. I forward to my husband and he can do it should he wish.

It upsets me. I don't send many at all. I send one last week and no comment.

@SleepingStandingUp @PennyInMyPocket this is how I feel, but I guess everyone is different. I hope my future dil or sil is sending me videos or holograms (or whatever it is by then?!) of dgc in 30 or so years time

Don't expect everyone to be the same. Just because your family reply with loads of comments doesn't mean your MIL will or should. I'm very tech savvy, it's part of my job, but I only reply to messages if there is a question in them. If someone sends me photos or videos I'll enjoy seeing them but wouldn't reply. In the same way I don't "like" or comment on things on social media but when I see the person I would talk about it. I just prefer to save the interaction for real life because it feels more meaningful than a screen comment. You could try chatting to her by phone or video call to keep in touch?

I don't for a minute think it means she loves the DGC less than your mother . I would probably send a kiss each time if I were receiving videos or photos but I wouldn't be particularly interested in getting them this frequently. Seeing people on the flesh is completely different. I would find it surprising that you were taking photos or videos every few days to be honest and I count myself as a very family orientated person. I can't really comment on your relationship with her in general except to say that we are all different and you have known your family and had unconditional love from them for 30 years and that it can take a long time to appreciate ils in the same way.

Anything over 20-30 seconds I dont watch lol

My MIL and ex MIL are the same.
Mil doesnt really comment much , we ft every other week though, its just the way she is.
Ex MIL never makes contact unless we do,
Ive given up a little bit tbh but thats ok its just the way they both are completely different to my own parents who comment on photos ect ?I dont send videos or photos often either.

I'd punch a tiger to protect my nephew. But I am less than zero interested in videos of him. I'm not interested in videos of anyone.

Everybody's different (to you, stock GP responses are nice - but maybe even your own parents could be thinking, 'Christ, another one'!).

Haha that might be it then - see if photos get a better response going forward? I think my issue with videos is you have to stop everything to watch/listen - with a photo it’s a lot easier to look. If I click on a webpage and it’s a video not an article I just move on!