AIBU or GP should at least acknowledge videos of grandchild

[mintandcoral]

This might sound petty but I do feel like things that wouldn't necessarily have bothered me much before are getting to me a bit now we've been in lockdown for so long- so prepared to be told IABU.

Since lockdown started I was aware that grandparents on both sides would miss our 1 year old very much. Families on both sides live several hours drive away so we have been unable to see any of them since March. We usually see them at least once a month.

I already sent them the ocassional video but during lockdown I have started consistently sending videos to them of ds. I send them over watsapp to my mum, dad and MIL. FIL doesn't have a phone.

MIL repeatedly doesn't acknowledge that I have sent her these videos, which are only ever a couple of minutes long. I see the double blue ticks so I know that she has received them and watched them but nothing. I think it got to 10 videos, over the course of a couple of weeks once and she had said nothing.

In contrast my own parents who love the videos, comment on each one - even just to say 'wow he has grown' or 'his vocabulary is really coming along' or whatever stock gp phrase. I'm also in a group with my family where my sister shares videos of my cousins with her pil and parents and again, everyone generally will make a comment every now and then.

I'm not expecting poetry, I just find it odd having radio silence for sometimes weeks on end. When dh rings them says she misses him and wants to facetime with him. Do you think she just doesn't like me very much? There is a history of her sulking in the past and she can be extremely passive aggressive. I find this passive aggressive or am I over reacting and this is a normal response? I sent a ridiculous cute video last night and I just think how can you not even comment?!

IABU- totally normal gp doesn't acknowledge video
IANBU- behaviour is a bit weird

Just stop sending them, OP.

@HelloDulling I think thats part of the problem. I wish she would engage in more chat with me. She does ocassionally but it has no emotional depth. She is the same with her own son so I don't know why I am expexting different of her with me. The way she interacts with the world is not the way I interact with it if that makes sense? Perhaps I'm expecting a different relationship and need to accept it for what it is.

Your mil is rude to not acknowledge them. A single word message “thanks” wouldn’t kill her.

But don’t be upset. You’ve done your bit. Enjoy your parents’ comments and take no notice.

I find it a bit at odds with her saying she misses my ds so much.

Of course she loves and misses her grandchild, but being sent lots of videos is boring, tedious and eye-rolling, even if it is your grandchild. Very few people want to see your kid doing x, y, z on camera all the time.

I think that sounds a bit much. That's nearly a video every day. That would be tedious. She can miss her grandchild without having to respond to a video you've sent everyday. She's obviously watching them, she probably doesn't know what to say.

Oh god I HATE watching videos of other people's kids.
I send my parents and in-laws the odd photo, maybe 1 a week, unless they ask for more.
I wouldn't expect anyone, even gran, to watch endless videos of kids. Especially at a few minutes a pop.

Just stop sending them

@Wewearpinkonwednesdays it's been nowhere near a video a day

Thanks @Mintjulia

She is the same with her own son so I don't know why I am expexting different of her with me. The way she interacts with the world is not the way I interact with it if that makes sense? Perhaps I'm expecting a different relationship and need to accept it for what it is.

Yes you do need to accept it, people are all different.

@heartsonacake but my child is THE cutest!

She could just put on a 💓 or something. It’s not difficult to acknowledge the videos

My sister sends me pics or videos of my niece and nephew most days. I'm really not interested tbh, I have my own children. I would think a grandparent would be different though. The odd time I send pictures or videos to grandparents they always reply.

[quote mintandcoral]@heartsonacake but my child is THE cutest! [/quote]
To you, yes, and probably her grandparents too, but nobody else. Still doesn’t stop the constant videos becoming extremely boring, and parents are so precious over their children she can’t exactly ask you to stop without offending you (especially given the backstory you’ve alluded to on this thread).

Have you asked her if she prefers some other form of communication? Maybe she doesn't use WhatsApp (not everyone does) on a regular basis. Have you even asked if she wants such frequent videos?

It seems to me that you need to find out HER communications preferences before condemning her for ignoring yours.

Probably feels a bit bombarded. I know I would if I got loads of videos of someone’s child - family or not. 🤷🏻‍♀️
That or they just don’t know what to reply?

@IndieRo exactly. You would think a gp would be different.

Visiting and interacting with the kids in your family is so far removed from looking at videos of them. I've got many kids in my family (children of cousins) and I absolutely love seeing them in person but get so bored at the constant photos and videos in the family WhatsApp group.
Try not to get too worked up about it. It seems like you're sending a lot to them and she may just be a bit bored of it so cant be bothered to respond. It doesn't mean she doesn't love them or you guys anymore. Probably just reminding her that she hasn't seen them in so long and causing some sadness.

Could be that she just doesn't get the etiquette of whatsapp?? I wouldn't read too much into it tbh

@GinDrinker00 she's not being bombarded at all. I can appreciate that people prefer different levels of contact though, this thread has helped me look at it from a different perspective.

Maybe she is slightly miffed the videos aren't especially for HER as your dps get the same ones....some dgm's like to be the 'special' one...

@Littleposh It could be- thanks.

Doesn't take two seconds to at least reply saying something nice to st least one! Would definitely upset me!

Yabu. I think the gp is probably quite busy at the moment to waste appointment time with this sort of thing.

I have often got the vibe that she is almost jealous of me. I wouldn't bet on that. For some reason some women seem to think if another woman doesn't like them thay she is jealous. Sometimes people just don't like you! She might find you annoying or something.
There is a bit of back story here that I can't go into as it is quite outing Why is everything "outing" these days 😂
but it made me wonder if she was all there mentally. If you genuinely believe she has mental health issues or some kind of learning difficulty then that's a terrible way to speak about her.