To think my male friend/colleague should not have asked me this!

[AwkwardMoment2020]

Backstory: We’ve been colleagues for around ten months and get on very well. It’s an informal, hipster type work place and all of us on the team tend to socialise together. Him and I have genuinely become friends and enjoy each other’s company. He’s always been very respectful and polite and we are both quite reserved people unlike the rest of the team who are more extrovert. We’ve never ever had any reason or cause to discuss sex.

This is our first week back at work in person and today we were having lunch together outside and catching up. My eye was a bit watery from hay fever and he leaned over and kind of put his thumb next to it as if looking closer and wiped a tear away that was running down and then commented it was a bit red looking in a concerned, caring sort of way. Then, really bloody randomly while he still had his hand near my face he said, really seriously

Have you ever let anyone cum on your face?

I was really shocked and told him it was none of his business and not ok to ask me something so personal. He laughed and said “is that a no, then?” and said it’s the kind of thing friends discuss and he didn’t know why I was being so weird.

I don’t really have anyone to ask this in real life as it’s quite embarrassing but AIBU and weird. Or is it just not alright for someone to ask you something as graphic/sexual as that? As I say we don’t have a friendship where we talk about our sex lives or anything remotely sexual.

Why was he touching you to start off with? He sounds like a creep.

It's weird thing to ask. However do you think he was implying it might be what made your eye red/sore?
I don't think I would report if you have been friends and get on well previous to this. I would probably message him directly and tell him he was out of order. Sometimes people say stupid stuff. If it was an ongoing thing then of course yes report.

Sorry I’m catching up;

We aren’t young. We are both 30.

FOJN that was my first thought too, that he was imagining someone doing that to me and it was such a horrible moment. Like...I felt very very safe with him, always have...then he asked me that and I was horrified/nauseated and quite firm that it wasn’t ok to ask me that then he was so casual and laughed it off like it wasn’t weird.

I’m trying to imagine how the hell to have a conversation with management about this . They are all men too and I feel like if I say it out loud they might start picturing me like that too .

I can’t understand it. Why would he do that?

no, the comment was extremely inappropriate, and wtf was he doing touching your face anyway ... even normally it wouldn't have been ok but he shouldn't have even been that close to you, should he?

He shouldn't have asked you that and shouldn't have been able to touch your face from 2 metres away!

Also, I thought we weren’t meant to be touching anyone except people in our own households right now.

But work colleagues lunching together so close he can and does touch your face yet they’ve got our kids standing in hula hoops 2m apart

What the fuck?! That is so nasty, who asks a coworker random sex questions? Jesus. Report to HR.

What a creep. Even though you work at a laid-back hipster place, it's deeply inappropriate and I'd report him

Do you have any senior women at your work? Contact one of them and say that you have a serious concern and you need to share it tomorrow. He needs a rocket up his arse. What a disgusting thing to say to you. You feel icky because he has verbally abused you.

That's extremely inappropriate. At Uni I worked in a garage and the mechnics and salesmen often pushed the boundaries with their jokes and comments and even none of them would have said something like that.

That's creepy as fuck

He's not your friend OP. Not at all.

I’m not in the UK and so we have slightly different requirements. It’s never been 2m distance here.

My eye suddenly got really itchy and sore and started watering and it was sort of an instant reaction, like he leaned over in a panic. We weren’t that close physically until that moment and I actually didn’t move at all, he’d leaned across quite a large picnic bench/table.

Yes, I’m one of those generally “too nice”, polite women. I need to stop that. Why do I feel like it’s me that’s done something wrong?!

In what world would anyone not know this was unacceptable?

He shouldn't be bloody touching you for a start, Rona or not. This is classed as sexual harassment.

That's disgusting. And don't fall for his nonsense about being happy with the girlfriend. He hamming it up so you know how much of an amazing catch he is! Then when you start dating again, he'll suddenly dump her and have a shoulder to cry on.

That not on. I would feel awkward and even upset by that comment, you're well within your rights to find it unsettling.

You did nothing wrong, you're not uptight or a prude or can't take a joke.

You also don't have to do anything about it, it's completely up to you.

I actually said WTF out loud when I read that!! Report him !!!

Email your manager and hr. Explain what happened and how it's made you feel e.g. uncomfortable. Can someone have a word with him please?

Seriously, this isn't a "further training required" situation. It's a "clear out your desk and be escorted out by security" situation.

Also, no offense, but you are falling into the trap of thinking he's a friend. He is not a friend -- he's shown you. React appropriately and take control.

@AwkwardMoment2020 if you're wondering how to talk to management about it you could try writing it down?
I think I would be too embarrassed to say it out loud, although of course he should be embarrassed not you. In fact he should be ashamed!

Ewwwww. What a creep.

I thought he sounded inappropriate, opportunistic creepy BEFORE you even got to what he said, just from him wiping your face.

This piece of shit should lose his job over this, I’m pretty sure even “hipster” (irrelevant) offices/jobs have HR/opportunity to join a union, you need to report the fuck out of this pervert, chances are you’re not the first and won’t be the last he does this to, hiding in plain sight talking about his girlfriend.

You should definitely report this. It's completely beyond any normal boundaries. You could ask for a female colleague to be with you when you report it.

There is nothing normal about this. The touching and the question just all wrong and massively inappropriate. He is no friend, just a creep. Report him for sexually inappropriate behaviour.

I don’t know whether to report him or not because it’s really out of character and also because I find it quite mortifying. Also it’s my word against his isn’t it? I can’t prove he said it.

I don’t think I want to be on my own with him again. That should be easy enough to sort out. He’s already tried Snapchatting me a couple of times since I got home but I’ve not even opened them. I just feel creeped out by him.

I’m sorry if I look ridiculous having to ask if it’s normal to feel this way. I’d be the first to admit I have shit boundaries and haven’t had the greatest past. From a young age I was told Black was White and not to question it if that makes sense. I am in therapy but obviously have a long way to go.

Report him, in writing or via email if that feels more comfortable for you.
He is disgusting.
Non of this is your fault.
If you are ever put in this position again, and I don't necessarily mean by him, throw the question right back and say "Why have you?"
Works in all kinds of situations.

The 5% that voted YABU are probably men