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AIBU?

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Original poster

Breastfeeding in public

514 replies

Forgivenandsetfree · 16/06/2020 20:35

Inspired by a comment I have seen on Facebook.
I breastfed until 22 months, towards the end I didn't feed in public because of course she was eating by then but when she was small I did. Luckily I never had an issue and was treated well in my local Macdonalds and Costa, but the comment said most people have issues with Bf in public, aibu to think this isn't true?
YABU- I faced issues/I don't like it.
YNBU- I don't/ didn't have a problem.

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 17/06/2020 01:21

I think sometimes people think that others care more than they really do. If you are expecting people to object sometimes you see things that aren't really there. Someone who looks over at you for a little while may well be thinking that you are doing a good job, think your baby is cute, be a bit curious, be feeling a bit nostalgic about their own early motherhood or may not even have noticed that you are breastfeeding - it isn't always a negative thing but tends to be perceived as such. I have to confess that I've been guilty of judging people for judging me, when they weren't doing that at all.
One memorable occasion was when I was on a ferry crossing with my 3 children. The crossing had been delayed, the weather was awful and all my children were tired, frightened and miserable. I'd found a few seats in the corner of one of the lounges and was trying to keep them occupied as best as I could but my youngest who was probably not quite two by then was getting increasingly distressed. I was aware that a group of women nearby who had been drinking quite a lot during the crossing had been watching us and I felt quite uncomfortable. I was worried how they might react if I started breastfeeding but I knew that that would calm my youngest down and probably get him off to sleep, thus improving the remainder of the journey considerably for everyone, so I decided to go for it. Sure enough, a few minutes later I noticed them all putting their heads together, stare over at me, then start whispering. After a few minutes one of the women got up and left the room but the others kept looking at me. Worse than that, when the one that I assumed had been to the toilet returned, there was more whispering and then she and one of the others started walking right towards me. I assumed I was about to get yelled at, but couldn't have been more wrong. She hadn't been to the loo, she'd been to the shop. The heads together whispering had been them having a whip round and they kept looking over to try to decide what age they thought the kids were and to see if they could get any clues about their interests. They'd bought comics, cartons of juice and a packet of biscuits for the children and a cup of coffee for me, and told me I was doing a great job. I may have cried a bit. And I felt really guilty that I had judged their intentions so badly. If there had been space I might have moved to sit elsewhere before they got the chance to show their kindness, in which case I would have probably been telling the story of how a horrid group of drunk women intimidated me into moving because DS wanted to feed. I would have been completely wrong.

anxietyaunt · 17/06/2020 01:29

I breastfed my son until 3. By that stage it was only before/after sleep so hadn’t BF in public for quite some time before that. Maybe not since he was 2...?

Never noticed any nastiness from any strangers in those two years. I did, however, cop an endless heap of shit from my MIL who insisted my son was undernourished and needed formula (he was exclusively BF from birth until solids at 6m and very chubby). She hated me breastfeeding. Luckily there are a number of countries between us.

Goosefoot · 17/06/2020 01:35

I breastfed my kids for a while, the longest almost four years and the shortest 18 months. Though generally by about two I didn't in public much as they tended not to nurse very often and it was just more of a hassle.

I don't think anyone ever said anything negative.

missyoumuch · 17/06/2020 01:39

The people who have negative views on BF in public are either jealous, or they are prudes. Ignore them.

I never had a negative comment but did have a few times where someone got flustered and asked if I needed a private area or blanket.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 17/06/2020 01:41

Very occasionally I would have dirty looks or comments. This came exclusively from old women. Presumably it was not the done thing in their day?

Most of the time nobody batted an eyelid. Sometimes women my mother's age would smile and wave, or even come over to ask me a million and one questions about the baby, and then show me pictures of their grandchildren. All very sweet and well meaning. Never bothered me in the slightest.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 17/06/2020 01:45

I think sometimes people think that others care more than they really do. If you are expecting people to object sometimes you see things that aren't really there. Someone who looks over at you for a little while may well be thinking that you are doing a good job

Very true. I have had to catch myself on for staring at breastfeeding mothers on so many occasions. I'm not staring because I have a problem with it. I'm staring because I'm envious and awe struck that they are nursing so naturally and effortlessly, because I had no end of problems with it. They look like superheroes to me. I'm not excusing me staring because it is rude, but I do agree that sometimes its not for the negative reasons that people assume.

1forAll74 · 17/06/2020 02:04

I think that some older women like me will not like breast feeding in public, because it was not the done thing many years ago. But It doesn't bother me now, as it's pretty much the norm now. But did a double take a couple of years ago when in a town, The was a young woman. quite a chubby woman, she was sitting on a low wall breast feeding her baby, she was wearing one of those elasticated off the should tops, and she had pulled the whole top down to her waist, exposing both massive boobs, while lots of people were all ambling past.

Rubyupbeat · 17/06/2020 02:05

@LaurieMarlow
Erm.....bit of a difference, those can be drunk out of a cup/beaker.

Mintjulia · 17/06/2020 06:14

I fed ds for 18 months.

I had one pub landlord take wild exception to me discreetly feeding ds under a shawl.

And there was a creepy man who spotted me feeding ds in the car, parked in a Tesco car park. He kept peering in the windows, from all directions. Kept coming back for another look. It was unnerving.
Otherwise, no problems, no comments

weepingwillow22 · 17/06/2020 06:19

No problems at all in public. Quite the opposite and people either ignore it and are really supportive. The only funny comments have come from my mum who thinks breastfeeding after babies get teeth is weird.

PaperMonster · 17/06/2020 06:21

Can’t remember what age my daughter was when I last fed her in public. I did feed her til she was just shy of three, but by that time she would go weeks in between feeds, usually only needed it if she was tired. Regular feeding stopped when she was two and dropped her nap. Never had any comments, positive or negative when feeding out and about. My mum was very anti breastfeeding full stop.

Gwynfluff · 17/06/2020 06:29
  • her me when its babies. Hands up though, I dont like seeing a 3 year old getting his mums boob out sitting on a table in costa, also seen it in a restaurant a few times too and seen it more times than I can count with a 3 to 4 year old sat in a supermarket trolley with mums boob in their mouth*

If you live in the UK, I doubt you have witnessed this so many times. Vanishingly rare for a baby still to be breastfed by 12 months in this country. In fact tiny minority are by 9 months even. 3 kids - 2 bf beyond 12 months, and 1 beyond 2 in a socioeconomic enclave with high bf rates and not seen this amount of older child bfing.

sqirrelfriends · 17/06/2020 07:01

I fed till about 21/22 months but. but didn't in public in public past 1 if I could help it. On a long haul flight I was sat next to another mum with a newborn who would look at me with absolute disgust every-time I fed 17 mo DS. She even huffed and rolled her eyes at me.

Other than her, the only stranger who got really weird about it was the teenage boy who worked in Abercrombie and Fitch. He stood in the doorway and stared at me while i was sat feeding DS and eating cake in an outdoor Cafe. He was only a month old though, so hardly an unusual sight.

Oh also the group of women at a play park, you would have thought I had two heads the way they were looking at me.

Mrhodgeymaheg · 17/06/2020 07:02

None here, BF first 3 years and second still going at 1 year. I think it's mostly family who would say they don't approve as they know you, strangers might think something but wouldn't say anything to you. I live in a region with a higher BF rate and in most baby groups, there is at least three people with their boobs out at any one time and nobody bats an eyelid, even the guys. I've BF everywhere too.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/06/2020 07:08

I was really pleasantly surprised by how comfortable I felt feeding in public. No one ever made comments or looked at me funny. Maybe it's different in different areas.

ThatLockdownLyfe · 17/06/2020 07:10

The only time I've been harassed for bf in public is... in a crowded A&E Hmm it was so bad I had to ask for a private room to feed in, never done that before.

I honestly felt unsafe in that A&E from the minute I walked in, the atmosphere was scary.

JustC · 17/06/2020 07:35

I worked in a Costa for many years. You would be surprised how many people would make a 'breezy ' comment about a mum breastfeeding in the coffee shop. I would just as breezely say maybe you shouldn't look then 😁

LaurieMarlow · 17/06/2020 07:36

Erm.....bit of a difference, those can be drunk out of a cup/beaker.

So? What’s your point?

LaurieMarlow · 17/06/2020 07:40

Well good for them, I myself feel it is exhibitionist and unnecessary.

That’s only because you’ve been conditioned to believe that breasts’ primary function is men’s sexual pleasure.

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 07:55

The IRONY of posters saying BF mothers who “flop it out” etc are being provocative for attention or a reaction, whilst making provocative comments for attention 🤣

“There's something about it that seems odd to be, like there's a co dependency going on?” - Wut? Co dependency?! Between a small child and their mother? How DARE they! 😂😂😂😂

HenSolo · 17/06/2020 07:57

You just can’t get a thread on breastfeeding without the ‘yes ok you may do it but please don’t offend my delicate eyes (or those of my pervert husband) by exposing a WHOLE BREAST’ brigade.
I breastfed in public for many months without a hint of a cover and never had any negative comments thank goodness because I was so fragile at the time I probably would have exploded or burst into tears. However it does upset me to see all the poor women struggling with those bloody covers because of attitudes like those seen above

LaurieMarlow · 17/06/2020 07:58

Co dependency?! Between a small child and their mother?

I know, right? Outrageous. 😆

SnuggyBuggy · 17/06/2020 07:59

Has anyone said whip it out yet?

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 08:01

@snugglybuggly

Flop it out

ScarletZebra · 17/06/2020 08:02

I don't agree that it wasn't the done thing years ago. My eldest is 34 and I breastfed her in public. I have always managed to be discreet and never felt the need to hide the baby under a blanket.

I have never had any negative comments. I was sitting on the floor with DD2 on a University open day and someone brought me a chair and a drink. Mostly if people have commented it's to say how nice it is to see a baby feeding.