Breastfeeding in public

[Forgivenandsetfree]

Inspired by a comment I have seen on Facebook.
I breastfed until 22 months, towards the end I didn't feed in public because of course she was eating by then but when she was small I did. Luckily I never had an issue and was treated well in my local Macdonalds and Costa, but the comment said most people have issues with Bf in public, aibu to think this isn't true?
YABU- I faced issues/I don't like it.
YNBU- I don't/ didn't have a problem.

[Cotswoldmama]

YANBU I breastfed my eldest until he was nearly three not in public much towards the end as he only really breastfed to sleep. I remember seeing a mum carrying a child of a similar age around peppa pig world whilst breastfeeding, I thought she was amazing and nobody really looked twice but then everyone there would have seem it all before!

[MrsAvocet]

Good point sqirrelfriends. I don't know why we need such large quantities of other foods to reach our calcium requirements when it is obvious really that we are mot biologically intended to consume the milk of other species. All I can think of is that we have moved so far from what was the original natural himan diet that we've lost some natural high calcium foods or something. Or maybe its because we have evolved to live longer. I don't suppose bone health was a big consideration in the days when the average life expectancy was 30 or whatever. And of course people have always been malnourished through the millennia - other species I suppose too - but I imagine the ways in which diets are deficient has changed through history, and indeed by geography. I expect there people who study all this stuff properly (anthropologists??) but I've never seen anything on the subject in the mainstream media. It is weird. You would think we should be able to obtain everything we need fairly easily from the foods we are biologically intended to eat, but its clearly not as simple as that. We had kale with our roast dinner tonight but I didn't manage my full 1.5kg......

[sqirrelfriends]

@MrsAvocet , the dairy milk would be my preference too

I find the requirements for calcium confusing, surely domesticated animals for milking is quite a recent thing in our evolution. I agree you don't 100% need milk or dairy after a certain age, but you do need to be aware of your vitamin requirements and supplement them as needed.

[StarlightLady]

I rarely wear a top at the beach, so l’m gardly likely to have issues with breast feeding.

[MrsAvocet]

Yes, that's true, it is definitely harder to get your daily calcium requirements without dairy, but not impossible. There are plenty of non dairy calcium food sources and you can always give a supplement if finding it hard to hit the required intake. I think a lot of people don't know what the requirements are and would probably be surprised by quite how much is needed actually, particularly at certain times of life. I suspect we are bit more clued up on the topic by virtue of the fact that have to actively think about calcium intake on a low/no dairy diet. DS and I both take a daily combined calcium and vit D tablet at the moment as he is adolescent and I'm post menopausal. I didn't bother when we were younger but I think it would be quite hard to hit the recommended intake for our current ages from diet alone even with dairy, especially without taking in a lot of extra food. I did calculate that I could get my required calcium by eating 600g of Cadburys Dairy Milk per day, which is the way I find milk most palatable. 20 dairylea triangles would do it too, or about 1.5kg of kale. Now we do like a lot of kale but....no, probably best that I keep taking the tablets.

[Fieldofgreycorn]

I agree but the other side of that is the fact that Asians (as in Japan, Korea) have a higher prevalence of calcium deficiency and they don’t drink milk or dairy. It is a bit of a conundrum.

[MrsAvocet]

@Fieldofgreycorn

As one of my children is still dairy allergic we don't consume much dairy produce at all

Strange concept ‘dairy’ isn’t it. We mass consume the milk produced for the babies of another species and then have a debate about feeding human milk to human babies in public, private or whatever!

Yes,most people look at me in absolute horror when they learn that my son consumes no dairy produce at all and that the rest of us barely do. We use very little in the way of substitutes either, though I'm quite partial to a bowl of swedish glace ice cream. There is a general belief that cows' milk is an essential part of the human diet and that you cannot be healthy without it. Strange really. It freaks people out further when I tell people that I breastfed my children til they self weaned and then just fed them food, no need for further milk. You know, like every other mammalian species on the planet does. But humans apparently are different and need the milk of other animals. Well, no, we don't. Drink/eat it if you like it and don't if you don't.

[Somethingsnappy]

P.s. mine don't whip or flop......they emerge, most tentatively and gracefully

[Somethingsnappy]

ShebaShimmyShake, not to mention whipping or flopping them out at every opportunity

[pinkstripeycat]

I am 50 and my mum BF my older sister and I in public until we were 16 months old. She says no one was bothered as it was so much more common to BF back then and you rarely bottle fed

[ShebaShimmyShake]

@Somethingsnappy

I couldn't agree more, Fieldofgreycorn! It never ceases to amaze me that some people can't tolerate babies, toddlers and children drinking milk from their own species!

Well, you know. Wee in bottles. Poo. Flashers in raincoats. Attention seeking. Boobs everywhere destroying everything. Or something.

[Somethingsnappy]

I couldn't agree more, Fieldofgreycorn! It never ceases to amaze me that some people can't tolerate babies, toddlers and children drinking milk from their own species!

[Fieldofgreycorn]

As one of my children is still dairy allergic we don't consume much dairy produce at all

Strange concept ‘dairy’ isn’t it. We mass consume the milk produced for the babies of another species and then have a debate about feeding human milk to human babies in public, private or whatever!

[MrsAvocet]

I've never met anyone else who feels the same before actually TooOldForThis67. Anyone I've mentioned it to previously just thinks I am faddy or mad. That may be true of course but I feel better knowing there are at least 2 of us!
Breastmilk doesn't bother me though as its got different appearance and smell. Plus you don't really see it very much. And whilst I don't exactly like it, I can tolerate handling soya milk. I will eat cheese, and can just about handle yoghurt as long as I don't start thinking to much about its origins, but cow or goat milk on its own.....bleurgh.
As one of my children is still dairy allergic we don't consume much dairy produce at all so fortunately I don't have to deal with it very often. I did visit a relative with a young baby pre lockdown and it was a bit awkward when I was asked if I'd like to give her a bottle. I didn't want to offend but would find that really hard to do. Fortunately her grandma was also there and wanted to do it and I was very pleased to be able to defer to her seniority which made us both happy!

[TooOldForThis67]

@MrsAvocet - thanks for sharing that. It's not uncommon is it.

To anyone else, I never said Mum's shouldn't breast feed in pubic. I was just adding how I feel to the mix. I'd be mortified if I ever made anyone feel bad about it. I had a colleague at work who had an aversion to banana's and she'd make such a fuss if anyone got one out or heaven forbid, ate one! I pour my son a glass of milk at bedtime but I never watch him drink it. I guess the only time anyone would know is if I was suddenly aware of a milk drinker and I might look pained or move away, i.e. sat down in a café and then realised the person in my direct line of sight was breast feeding or drinking a glass of it. I'd move. It's totally my problem.

[MrsAvocet]

Absolutely ShebaShimmyShake I had CMPA as a child any my own children are affected. We dont drink milk in our house, though I do have a dash of milk in tea if someone else puts it in. I am so relieved that I could breastfeed as the sight, and particularly the smell of formula makes me physically sick. I appreciate that my feelings are largely driven by my childhood experiences- I had a teacher in primary school one year who "didn't believe in allergies" and tried to force me to drink the free school milk. I got given a carton of orange juice all the other years but for that entire year it was a battle of wills, with me kept in at break time staring at the warm bottle of white poison, or on occasion giving in and drinking it and then vomiting back up and spending the rest of the day smelling of milky vomit, being ostracised by my classmates, then going home and being told off by my mum for drinking sonething I knew I shouldn't have.
So yeah, I have milk issues. But they are my issues and I would never say anything to a Mum who was feeding her child formula or cows' milk. I just look away if I can, and I have learned to suppress my reactions quite a lot to avoid offending people.
I don't feel the need for any kind of therapy. I understand my feelings and have no desire to change them. We have happy, healthy milk free lives and it doesn't impact on anyone else. I understand that other people don't share my views and feelings about cows' milk and I respect that and mind my own business. Its quite simple really, and I don't expect formula feeding mothers to stay at home, cover up or be discreet because I think its gross.

[ShebaShimmyShake]

@TooOldForThis67

BF in public makes me feel sick. I'm milk intolerant. I can't even watch someone else drink milk without heaving. Even writing this is making me feel ick. I can't help it. I hope I've always managed to avoid showing my feelings and I would never verbally express how I feel directly. I'm just writing this to let the group know that there is another side to this. I have an aversion to milk and I know that's wrong.

It's not morally wrong to have an aversion. Keep it to yourself, recognise it's your issue and don't try to impose it on anyone and you're good.

[LaurieMarlow]

Also, having an aversion isn’t an issue so long as you keep your reaction private. Lots of people have aversions to all kinds of things, but know it would be immensely rude and inappropriate to comment on others’ behaviour because of it.

[Gwynfluff]

Bm is human adapted so the enzymes, fat, milk sugars and proteins are normally far better tolerated by the human gut than those found in cows milk which formula is based on. In fact when babies do react to bm often it is because they are CMP intolerant/allergic and the protein is being passed through the mothers milk due to her diet.

So you may indeed have a phobic reaction but it’s not one based on the cause of your intolerance which will be cows milk based products. But then most phobias aren’t rational.

[LaurieMarlow]

Do you have the same revulsion seeing someone drink a glass of regular milk?

[TooOldForThis67]

Formula is made up of other ingredients, so not pure milk. So, I guess (in my mind) it's akin to a milkshake, which I'm far more comfortable with seeing being consumed. Believe me I have struggled with this - I have a son of my own. I even tried bf but it lasted a week. I have inadvertently found myself in close proximity of bf women and honestly I can't get away quick enough. I'm fine if it's done discreetly and I can't 'see' anything. I obviously know what's happening but the instant there's any 'display' then my stomach churns. I'm not dairy intolerant, just milk. I've read up about it and it's not uncommon. I don't know where or why I developed an aversion to seeing it being consumed by others but I guess it's the fact that milk makes me physically sick and by association, seeing anyone else drink it makes me nauseous.

[GladAllOver]

BF in public makes me feel sick
I'm sorry that you suffer from that. Haven't you tried getting therapy for it?

[Somethingsnappy]

TooOldforThis, but formula is also milk!? Which you can see in a bottle? You can't see a drop of anything when a baby is breastfeeding. Not criticising..... Just intrigued!

[Thisischaos]

I EBF for 6 months and never had any negative comments or looks, that I was aware of anyway. The only person who objected was DM who found BF revolting and never lost a chance to try and insist on giving formula.

I twice saw the same woman bf in two different cafes but stark naked from the waist up - no bra or top at all, and sitting in the middle of the cafe. Have to say I think that was unnecessary and I should imagine she got some negative comments or looks.

[TooOldForThis67]

@sqirrelfriends - no, formula is fine. It's seeing the breast and a baby on it that makes me ick as I know they are drinking milk! I have never drank milk, not even as a child. My Mum ff me. I think it's something to do with the enzymes in milk. I can walk around a shop and see it in bottles and that's fine but seeing anyone consume it - nope! Weird I know.