Breastfeeding in public

[Forgivenandsetfree]

Inspired by a comment I have seen on Facebook.
I breastfed until 22 months, towards the end I didn't feed in public because of course she was eating by then but when she was small I did. Luckily I never had an issue and was treated well in my local Macdonalds and Costa, but the comment said most people have issues with Bf in public, aibu to think this isn't true?
YABU- I faced issues/I don't like it.
YNBU- I don't/ didn't have a problem.

[Skyeshovercraft]

I bf DS until just over 2yo , when DD was born and still bf her at 16mo. I was terrified to do it in public first time, but actually found it a positive experience. Neither of mine like anything over their heads and as PP have said, those cover up things cause more commotion than just getting them latched on quickly! I also get really hot since having babies and sweet buckets in two tops, so I've always gone for wrap dresses or shirts and v-necks. There's more baby in front of the boob and I've had several people come for a peep at the baby, before realising they were having a feed.
Only places I've ever had whispers and dirty looks, were at baby groups, so DS was well under 6mo, from other mums.

[theredhen1]

My son is 22. I breastfed him for a year. Never had a negative comment even back then.

[HebeMumsnet]

Evening everyone. We just wanted to pop in to appeal for a bit of peace and love here. We know people have strong opinions on this but we think it's possible to keep posts civil, nonetheless.

[HavelockVetinari]

@Skyeshovercraft

I bf DS until just over 2yo , when DD was born and still bf her at 16mo. I was terrified to do it in public first time, but actually found it a positive experience. Neither of mine like anything over their heads and as PP have said, those cover up things cause more commotion than just getting them latched on quickly! I also get really hot since having babies and sweet buckets in two tops, so I've always gone for wrap dresses or shirts and v-necks. There's more baby in front of the boob and I've had several people come for a peep at the baby, before realising they were having a feed.
Only places I've ever had whispers and dirty looks, were at baby groups, so DS was well under 6mo, from other mums.

I think it depends a lot on the demographic where you live - in some places BF is the norm, and others it's FF (the latter is far more common though).

[Somethingsnappy]

Wolfgirl, I think you'll be welcome on any BF thread if your comments are as diplomatic as the ones you just posted.

[JingleCatJingle]

I fed my babies until they were about 2 1/2, often in public. The only negative comment I had was in the Sure Start center.

[crispysausagerolls]

For the people hard of reading who keep spouting nonsense about WHO guidelines being for developing countries blah blah blah

"Breastfeeding into your baby's second year or beyond alongside other foods is ideal," says the NHS website.

[sqirrelfriends]

@Wolfgirrl, you don't have to stay away from threads if you feel you have something to add, but my impression (maybe wrongly) has been that you've been trying to be inflammatory and anti-breastfeeding on a thread about extended breastfeeding. It's not nice to be told you're disgusting or icky.

It's kind of like me showing up to a bottle feeding thread and telling them I find them disgusting, I just wouldn't do it. I might quote guidelines or studies if people debate benefits but I would never say someone was wrong for using a bottle.

And I'm sorry if I have upset you with any of my comments, I would never want that.

[LaurieMarlow]

wolfgirl don’t feel you have to go.

You’ve been an enthusiastic sparring partner on these threads and I’ve secretly admired your tenacity.

It’s a difficult subject for mums, there are lots of good reasons, outside of our control, why that’s so.

Olive branch from me.

[Courtney2020]

Definitely is reassuring to read what everyone has said and I just want to give my baby what I think is best for him and has been recommended because he was 9 weeks early and seems to be doing well with breastmilk through a tube feed and one feed on the breast a day as he is really small so don't want to feel anxious when trying to feed him in public because he will still need my milk as that's what's best for him xx

[Courtney2020]

Also thanks for the recommendations for clothing that might make everything a little less stressful for me will definitely have a look xx

[CliveIsAlive]

I voted YABU as I personally hated feeding in public. I fed both of mine until around 14 months and hated when I had to feed in public. I have no feelings and don't even notice other women feeding in public. I think it is due to having very large breasts at around a 34HH when not breastfeeding so even larger when feeding and on a 12-14 frame just felt like a pair of breasts. I never received any negative comments and never used a bottle with my 2 and comfort fed them all the time but I definitely would try and time my excursions around feeds and would go to another room when the in-laws were around.

[TooOldForThis67]

BF in public makes me feel sick. I'm milk intolerant. I can't even watch someone else drink milk without heaving. Even writing this is making me feel ick. I can't help it. I hope I've always managed to avoid showing my feelings and I would never verbally express how I feel directly. I'm just writing this to let the group know that there is another side to this. I have an aversion to milk and I know that's wrong.

[sqirrelfriends]

@TooOldForThis67 if it's simply a matter of the milk, not the breast that repulses you then surely seeing a baby drink formula would have the same effect?

[TooOldForThis67]

@sqirrelfriends - no, formula is fine. It's seeing the breast and a baby on it that makes me ick as I know they are drinking milk! I have never drank milk, not even as a child. My Mum ff me. I think it's something to do with the enzymes in milk. I can walk around a shop and see it in bottles and that's fine but seeing anyone consume it - nope! Weird I know.

[Thisischaos]

I EBF for 6 months and never had any negative comments or looks, that I was aware of anyway. The only person who objected was DM who found BF revolting and never lost a chance to try and insist on giving formula.

I twice saw the same woman bf in two different cafes but stark naked from the waist up - no bra or top at all, and sitting in the middle of the cafe. Have to say I think that was unnecessary and I should imagine she got some negative comments or looks.

[Somethingsnappy]

TooOldforThis, but formula is also milk!? Which you can see in a bottle? You can't see a drop of anything when a baby is breastfeeding. Not criticising..... Just intrigued!

[GladAllOver]

BF in public makes me feel sick
I'm sorry that you suffer from that. Haven't you tried getting therapy for it?

[TooOldForThis67]

Formula is made up of other ingredients, so not pure milk. So, I guess (in my mind) it's akin to a milkshake, which I'm far more comfortable with seeing being consumed. Believe me I have struggled with this - I have a son of my own. I even tried bf but it lasted a week. I have inadvertently found myself in close proximity of bf women and honestly I can't get away quick enough. I'm fine if it's done discreetly and I can't 'see' anything. I obviously know what's happening but the instant there's any 'display' then my stomach churns. I'm not dairy intolerant, just milk. I've read up about it and it's not uncommon. I don't know where or why I developed an aversion to seeing it being consumed by others but I guess it's the fact that milk makes me physically sick and by association, seeing anyone else drink it makes me nauseous.

[LaurieMarlow]

Do you have the same revulsion seeing someone drink a glass of regular milk?

[Gwynfluff]

Bm is human adapted so the enzymes, fat, milk sugars and proteins are normally far better tolerated by the human gut than those found in cows milk which formula is based on. In fact when babies do react to bm often it is because they are CMP intolerant/allergic and the protein is being passed through the mothers milk due to her diet.

So you may indeed have a phobic reaction but it’s not one based on the cause of your intolerance which will be cows milk based products. But then most phobias aren’t rational.

[LaurieMarlow]

Also, having an aversion isn’t an issue so long as you keep your reaction private. Lots of people have aversions to all kinds of things, but know it would be immensely rude and inappropriate to comment on others’ behaviour because of it.

[ShebaShimmyShake]

@TooOldForThis67

BF in public makes me feel sick. I'm milk intolerant. I can't even watch someone else drink milk without heaving. Even writing this is making me feel ick. I can't help it. I hope I've always managed to avoid showing my feelings and I would never verbally express how I feel directly. I'm just writing this to let the group know that there is another side to this. I have an aversion to milk and I know that's wrong.

It's not morally wrong to have an aversion. Keep it to yourself, recognise it's your issue and don't try to impose it on anyone and you're good.

[MrsAvocet]

Absolutely ShebaShimmyShake I had CMPA as a child any my own children are affected. We dont drink milk in our house, though I do have a dash of milk in tea if someone else puts it in. I am so relieved that I could breastfeed as the sight, and particularly the smell of formula makes me physically sick. I appreciate that my feelings are largely driven by my childhood experiences- I had a teacher in primary school one year who "didn't believe in allergies" and tried to force me to drink the free school milk. I got given a carton of orange juice all the other years but for that entire year it was a battle of wills, with me kept in at break time staring at the warm bottle of white poison, or on occasion giving in and drinking it and then vomiting back up and spending the rest of the day smelling of milky vomit, being ostracised by my classmates, then going home and being told off by my mum for drinking sonething I knew I shouldn't have.
So yeah, I have milk issues. But they are my issues and I would never say anything to a Mum who was feeding her child formula or cows' milk. I just look away if I can, and I have learned to suppress my reactions quite a lot to avoid offending people.
I don't feel the need for any kind of therapy. I understand my feelings and have no desire to change them. We have happy, healthy milk free lives and it doesn't impact on anyone else. I understand that other people don't share my views and feelings about cows' milk and I respect that and mind my own business. Its quite simple really, and I don't expect formula feeding mothers to stay at home, cover up or be discreet because I think its gross.

[TooOldForThis67]

@MrsAvocet - thanks for sharing that. It's not uncommon is it.

To anyone else, I never said Mum's shouldn't breast feed in pubic. I was just adding how I feel to the mix. I'd be mortified if I ever made anyone feel bad about it. I had a colleague at work who had an aversion to banana's and she'd make such a fuss if anyone got one out or heaven forbid, ate one! I pour my son a glass of milk at bedtime but I never watch him drink it. I guess the only time anyone would know is if I was suddenly aware of a milk drinker and I might look pained or move away, i.e. sat down in a café and then realised the person in my direct line of sight was breast feeding or drinking a glass of it. I'd move. It's totally my problem.