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AIBU?

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Original poster

Breastfeeding in public

514 replies

Forgivenandsetfree · 16/06/2020 20:35

Inspired by a comment I have seen on Facebook.
I breastfed until 22 months, towards the end I didn't feed in public because of course she was eating by then but when she was small I did. Luckily I never had an issue and was treated well in my local Macdonalds and Costa, but the comment said most people have issues with Bf in public, aibu to think this isn't true?
YABU- I faced issues/I don't like it.
YNBU- I don't/ didn't have a problem.

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 17/06/2020 16:03

You wouldn't necessarily have been included anyway DappledThings as the National Infant Feeding Survey is a random sample, not a survey of all mothers. I filled one in in, I think, 2005. It was quite time consuming as there were a lot of detailed questions. It was quite interesting to see what they wanted to know actually. Unfortunately I believe the Survey has been cancelled due to costs - I have a feeling the last one was done in 2010. So I'm not sure how robust the data collected since then is.

Somethingsnappy · 17/06/2020 16:03

I have tried to be tolerant of people who are against public BF, giving them the benefit of the doubt by assuming they are just a product of their time and culture (unused to seeing it). My father was one of these. However, my father, as a highly intelligent and educated man, had the self-awareness to realise this about himself and to make an effort to think about it and to read around the issue. He changed his perspective quite quickly as a result of this and became very supportive. I wish more people could have the intelligence and motivation to want to learn to become more enlightened this way.

nokidshere · 17/06/2020 16:06

I breastfed my two everywhere I went. I didn't have any comments from anyone or looks (not that I noticed anyway).

The only negative comments were from my mum and 5 sisters who thought I should stop at 3 months and even that was too long! And they had 17 children between them Confused

nokidshere · 17/06/2020 16:06
  • 17 children, none of whom were breastfed
DappledThings · 17/06/2020 16:16

The 1% at six months is misleading though, as it’s exclusive bfing. Most will have had some solids at six months.

I know. Mine were EBF at 6 months and I'm pretty sure the other 3 from my NCT group were but I could be out by a few days.

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 16:20

@LaurieMarlow

That’s a very good point actually!

FleurDaxeny · 17/06/2020 16:45

*sqirrelfriends

But it's not just the negative reaction is it, it's the comments you hear before you even get pregnant that make you think breastfeeding past a certain age really is wrong.

that's just being a mother, you need to get a thick skin. It's nothing to do with breastfeeding, you become a public forum the minute you are obviously pregnant: wrong clothes, wrong shoes, wrong sport and exercise, and it never stops once the baby arrives, you get laughed at or criticise for not/having a routine, not/BF, not/sleep routine, no/sleep training and wait until you are weaning, potty training... It's ridiculous.

Wolfgirrl · 17/06/2020 17:00

All you hear on threads like this are:

  1. Stealth brags about how long you bf for. Winner is usually 4 or 5 years.
  2. Saying how hard it was, how awful the pain is, how you hate being bitten and how you dont have the energy to face the weaning battle with a toddler in meltdown whilst simultaneously
  3. Saying how wonderful it is and how pleased you are you did it
  4. Trotting out inaccurate recommendations which are largely centred around developing countries ('WHO says 2 years!')
  5. Having nasty rants at anybody who disagrees, saying they're projecting and they must feel like a failure themselves (but apparently they support all womens choices Hmm )

Usually ending in something like, 'So if anyone has a problem with it they can F right off'.

Not a great advert is it? Besides, nobody has said it should be illegal or anything like it, just that it makes them uncomfortable. That's their opinion.

LaurieMarlow · 17/06/2020 17:08

I don’t think this thread has featured any of that wolf.

Care to back those statements up with quotes?

LaurieMarlow · 17/06/2020 17:10

Besides, nobody has said it should be illegal or anything like it, just that it makes them uncomfortable. That's their opinion.

And we’re asking people to question what has caused them to feel so ‘uncomfortable’ about a body part doing what it was designed to do.

I think that’s a fair enough question, no?

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 17:15

NHS also recommends BF until 2. Is the UK a developing country? 🤣

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/06/2020 17:16

@Wolfgirrl

All you hear on threads like this are:
  1. Stealth brags about how long you bf for. Winner is usually 4 or 5 years.
  2. Saying how hard it was, how awful the pain is, how you hate being bitten and how you dont have the energy to face the weaning battle with a toddler in meltdown whilst simultaneously
  3. Saying how wonderful it is and how pleased you are you did it
  4. Trotting out inaccurate recommendations which are largely centred around developing countries ('WHO says 2 years!')
  5. Having nasty rants at anybody who disagrees, saying they're projecting and they must feel like a failure themselves (but apparently they support all womens choices Hmm )

Usually ending in something like, 'So if anyone has a problem with it they can F right off'.

Not a great advert is it? Besides, nobody has said it should be illegal or anything like it, just that it makes them uncomfortable. That's their opinion.

There's been a bit more than that, not least comments comparing it to genital scratching and political extremism. Seriously, what do you guys think breastfeeding involves?
Wolfgirrl · 17/06/2020 17:17

@lauriemarlow well, a bottom is meant for pooing out of, not sexual gratification. Do you want to see bare bums of strangers?

It's basically the same thing. I don't want to see another woman's boob as I find it icky. It is natural, but not something I want to see.

I'm sorry that offends you, but 🤷‍♀️ it is what it is.

ElleyBear13 · 17/06/2020 17:19

YNBU- I don't/ didn't have a problem

I have 3 berns - eldest is 5 and stopped feeding last year just after his 4th birthday.

Middle is 2 years he stopped feeding at 14 months on his own accord and littlest is 3 months still going.

I fed all of mine in public under a year old after a year I felt uncomfortable with some well meaning comments from elderly dears like "oh gosh hes a bit big for that now arent you lovely?" Or "oh wow hes getting a big size - you'll have to get him onto a bottle save your knees!"- both of my sons are tall for their age so I guess that 10 month old must.of looked older and less acceptable? I dread to think what reactions we would of recieved feeding my then almost four year old in public...we fed at home before bed at that age. I also felt uncomfortable feeding out in public with a toddler as I never seen/ known any other mums feeding toddlers even at my local playgroups and surestart centres most babies fed were teeny ones. So I felt like an odd one out - I have read that other mums feed toddlers i just have yet to meet one ha.

Anyways I dont have an issue with how other people feed their babies or how long for :)

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 17:20

I find all the comments comparing breastfeeding to arseholes and the use of tired, supposedly intended as inflammatory slurs like “flopping it out” really embarrassing because, to me, it looks like the writers are trying to provoke a reaction. It’s all very attention seeking and boring (and hypocritical because that’s what they are accusing BF mothers of doing/being).

LaurieMarlow · 17/06/2020 17:24

I'm sorry that offends you

It doesn’t offend me.

It’s sad for you that you’ve swallowed the misogynistic message that boobs are for menz.

It’s disgraceful that you then try to shame women doing a perfectly reasonable thing because of that.

But you’ve gotta live with yourself. It’s not my problem.

Wolfgirrl · 17/06/2020 17:25

@crispysausagerolls

If you strongly react that's your problem isnt it? We are entitled to our opinions.

firstimemamma · 17/06/2020 17:26

I'll never forget the little old woman who approached me while I was breastfeeding my baby ds on a seat next to the supermarket entrance. I thought she was going to say something nice / normal but instead...

"After the baby is finished, can I have a go?!"

🤢🤢🤢

I was speechless and she just walked off laughing hysterically to herself!

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/06/2020 17:27

@lauriemarlowwell, a bottom is meant for pooing out of, not sexual gratification

You've never known anyone to be attracted to a bum?

It's basically the same thing.

You don't understand the difference between what bums do and what boobs do? What happened at your last bra fitting?

I don't want to see another woman's boob as I find it icky

It's just a boob, sweetie. It's not going to hurt you. I would ask where on earth this complex came from, but it doesn't actually matter. If you can't bear the sight of a baby having lunch, practise the ancient art of looking at something else. Perhaps a book on anatomy would be a start....

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 17:30

If you strongly react that's your problem isnt it?

But...but I’m not strongly reacting, much as that’s what you want. Similar to how @LaurieMarlow isn't “offended” , much as you want that too. We don’t really care if you spout nonsense. I just feel a bit sorry for you that you are trying to garner attention through these comments. But your comments themselves I don’t care about because I think they are nonsensical 😁🤷🏻‍♀️

FleurDaxeny · 17/06/2020 17:30

You can't stick to the "it's natural" card, it doesn't help the debate at all, many things are "natural" Hmm

If you behave like a normal and decent human being, no one cares.

If you feel the need to make a ridiculous statement by making a scene, you will get the reactions you wanted. You'll still look ridiculous.

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 17:30

You don't understand the difference between what bums do and what boobs do? What happened at your last bra fitting?

OMG 🤣🤣🤣

Pinkblueberry · 17/06/2020 17:30

It's basically the same thing. I don't want to see another woman's boob as I find it icky. It is natural, but not something I want to see.

That’s fair enough - but no one’s forcing you to look Confused
I’m always a bit confused by those who talk about ‘being discreet’ when it comes to bf. There’s nothing discreet about glaring at someone’s boobs - if you’re seeing enough to make you uncomfortable maybe it’s time to avert your gaze.

LaurieMarlow · 17/06/2020 17:33

If you feel the need to make a ridiculous statement by making a scene, you will get the reactions you wanted. You'll still look ridiculous.

You keep banging on with that and it’s absolutely not what’s being discussed.

Creating strawmen to knock them down. Great debating, we’ll done.

crispysausagerolls · 17/06/2020 17:36

@Pinkblueberry

Very true! I don’t really think it’s comfortable when I see people snogging each other’s faces off in public, so I just don’t look 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t glare at them or start tutting or making a scene. It’s not really my business what they do. And, frankly, kissing isn’t something with the same purpose of nourishment or comfort for a child. I always say this but if people banned or glared at anyone using a dummy
Or a bottle over the age of 1, there would be uproar. But BF, which provides the same as both of those things (just the original version!) is frowned upon Hmm

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