Breastfeeding in public

[Forgivenandsetfree]

Inspired by a comment I have seen on Facebook.
I breastfed until 22 months, towards the end I didn't feed in public because of course she was eating by then but when she was small I did. Luckily I never had an issue and was treated well in my local Macdonalds and Costa, but the comment said most people have issues with Bf in public, aibu to think this isn't true?
YABU- I faced issues/I don't like it.
YNBU- I don't/ didn't have a problem.

some of us have evolved a bit from the animal stage

What’s ‘superior’ about sexualising breasts and making women uncomfortable to feed because we prioritise men’s sexual preferences?

I don’t see that as any kind of preferable ‘evolution’ myself.

Can’t understand why anyone would, frankly.

Better to be an animal, nourishing my young in peace.

@FatalSecrets quite simply because the way it is discussed puts women off breastfeeding

quite simply because the way it is discussed puts women off breastfeeding

Whereas people commenting about “bitty” and “being revolted” and “we’re not animals” is helpful?

Would appreciate if you didn’t tag me thanks, I’m reading the thread.

not sure I get the point of your goady post? Care to elaborate?

Not goady in the slightest. It’s just fairly standard that people who are feeling wobbly about their own choices are over-critical of others.

FatalSecrets
not sure how me choosing to BF my 4 kids and doing it in public as easily as I did it in private is over-critical. Are you struggling to keep up with the thread or with the issue in general?

@FleurDaxeny we are animals, we're mammals who produce milk feed their young. It's not animalistic to use your body parts for what they're intended and the only reason there is any shame in it is because breasts have been wrongly sexualised. It's fucking hard feeding a toddler without occasionally flashing a nipple, the issue isn't that someone may have seen a boob it's that someone might have a problem with it which is IMO completely ridiculous.

Never done it but couldn't care less what others do. I would raise an eyebrow at a preschooler but ultimately would get on with my own life. I have no interest in telling people what they should or should not be doing.

FatalSecrets
you are obviously looking for a fight, try to find someone else, I won't bite

qirrelfriends the issue isn't that someone may have seen a boob it's that someone might have a problem with it which is IMO completely ridiculous.

well if you read the thread, it's very rare. I can't think of anyone mentioning facing negative comments when they BF in public, that's the point.

It seems that to get negative reaction, you REALLY need to make an effort to get them.

I’ve only had lovely experiences. In Starbucks, I was feeding and my little I’ve fell asleep. A member of staff came and topped up my coffee and pulled the table closer for me to reach and told me to stay as long as I needed and just wave if I needed anything.

In M and S cafe, I was brought a glass of water and asked if I wanted help to move to a more comfortable area.

It’s been lovely.

Breast fed my first for 2.5 years and still breast feeding my second aged 2yr 10 months.

I breast fed them both in public all the time up until they were about 18 months but then I kept it to indoors only. I just didn’t feel comfortable doing it from that age onwards as I felt pretty sure I would be judged for it.

@Poochnewbie

I’ve only had lovely experiences. In Starbucks, I was feeding and my little I’ve fell asleep. A member of staff came and topped up my coffee and pulled the table closer for me to reach and told me to stay as long as I needed and just wave if I needed anything.

In M and S cafe, I was brought a glass of water and asked if I wanted help to move to a more comfortable area.

It’s been lovely.

I once had the owner of a small independent cafe apologise to me because I had been sat down, feeding for about 10 minutes and nobody had offered me a glass of water in that time as was their policy!

BF two children and only encountered one problem - I was thrown out of Sainsbury’s in Darlington and told I was “disgusting” by the mealy mouthed cow in the (completely empty) clothing section. I was just sitting on the bench outside the changing rooms. She told me I had to go and do it in the car or the toilet. Fled in tears and have never returned. Sainsbury’s ignored my email of complaint.

*@FleurDaxeny
well if you read the thread, it's very rare. I can't think of anyone mentioning facing negative comments when they BF in public, that's the point.

It seems that to get negative reaction, you REALLY need to make an effort to get them.*

But it's not just the negative reaction is it, it's the comments you hear before you even get pregnant that make you think breastfeeding past a certain age really is wrong. Then you go ahead and have a baby, you breastfeed and find that it isn't disgusting, it's lovely and your child loves it. You carry on, but you get looks and rolled eyes and "how old is he now?" In a judgmental tone.

It's easy to know when you're being judged, just no one comes right out and says it.

Never bf in public but don't feel offended if other do normally you can't really tell if baby is being held or feeding
I only got dagger eyes off of a women breastfeeding her toddler once and it was probably around 8pm and I was walking up the high street for a night out and she was dealing with a fussy toddler trying to latch on on a bench lol

I think that comments are less common than many people believe, but the fear of what might happen, or that people might even be thinking some of the things that have been said on this thread will be enough to put some women off, especially if they are just getting started. It may be relatively rare for people to challenge a breastfeeding Mum directly, but it can be very unpleasant when it does. I still maintain that most people aren't actually that bothered, but those who are can be vocal and quite intimidating. Plus there are big differences from area to area. Whilst I think it is not as big an issue as it is sometimes portrayed, it is still a significant barrier for many women, especially those in areas with low breastfeeding rates. There is a big difference between not being direct challenged and actually feeling comfortable. The truth for most women lies somewhere between "oh its absolutely fine, people can't do enough to help" and "you will be sworn and spat at if anyone so much as glimpses your nipple for a micro second".
I absolutely disagree that you have to "work at it" to get negative comments. In fact the most blatant/ostentatious/exhibitionist/extreme breastfeeders that I know have probably had the least issues in public. Maybe they give off strong "don't mess with me" vibes, or maybe they don't pick up on/care about more subtle signs of disapproval. The only friends I have who have really had problems breastfeeding in public would definitely come into the discreet category. The suggestion that they must have done something to bring it upon themselves would probably upset them more than the actual comment. On the one occasion that I was actively "picked on" I was wearing a great deal more clothing than the women who accosted me. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on me and I just laughed, but not everyone would have felt like that.
Our streets are not lined by hostile anti breastfeeders, but it isn't a non issue either.

I breastfed in public numerous times and I only ever had one comment which was positive! I was sat in the departure lounge at Gatwick Airport feeding DD and a woman came up to me and said "good for you".

I don’t understand people on here saying that their NCT group has 5/8 women who BF, so therefore their anecdotal evidence is somehow more correct than the WHO statistics or NHS etc. Where it’s clearly extended BF is 1%.

The NCT groups especially as anecdotal evidence is laughable; there is a large correlation between socioeconomic backgrounds and BF. Just as there is a socioeconomic correlation between those who can afford NCT (at 250£ or whatever) and those who can’t. It’s really quite clear therefore why groups of NCT are more likely to be pockets where people BF.

In my NCT only a couple did though, and I was the only one to continue over a year. Every group is still different.

From my point of view I try to be discreet so as not to offend, but it irritates me that I feel the need to do so. That I feel nervous and wonder if other are offended. That I don’t like feeding my child above a certain age in public.

My mother BF all 4 of us, me until I was 3. And even she repeatedly made comments about women getting their breasts out and not being discreet blah blah. It was extremely unhelpful and made me extra nervous. When your baby is screaming in a cafe and you need to get them on the breast ASAP, you already feel like everyone is staring at you and judging for the noise. It is not helpful to feel that you must get your child in IMMEDIATELY but also INVISIBLY.

And the bitty commons are here just to add the cherry on the top.

I don’t understand people on here saying that their NCT group has 5/8 women who BF, so therefore their anecdotal evidence is somehow more correct than the WHO statistics or NHS etc. Where it’s clearly extended BF is 1%.

I never said anything like it being better. Just interesting. At least I thought it was interesting. The 1% I have heard quoted is the %age of babies who are EBF to 6 months.

I also asked how it was calculated given that both mine were EBF to 6 months and nobody ever asked me so they won't have been counted but it turns out they fell right between the 5 year points at which data is gathered so that makes sense.

[quote Wolfgirrl]@FatalSecrets quite simply because the way it is discussed puts women off breastfeeding[/quote]
And your comments comparing it to scratching genitals and extremism are supposed to be supportive?

And your comments comparing it to scratching genitals and extremism are supposed to be supportive

But you not being asked is also anecdotal evidence. I have been asked every time I’ve seen a doctor with my son. Even now I have been asked 🤷🏻‍♀️

They clearly feel confident in how they compile their statistics.

The 1% at six months is misleading though, as it’s exclusive bfing. Most will have had some solids at six months.

I don’t think they collect figures for any bfing at six months.