Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel as though I've been judged as a potential shoplifter

236 replies

101stNC · 16/06/2020 14:45

I was in boots and thought I'd get myself a BB cream whilst in there collecting a prescription.

As I'm browsing the make-up kiosts looking at the options I can see the female security guard(?) has left her position near the door to come to the make up isle and stood at the end of the isle watching me closely. After a couple of minutes she approaches me and says that due to coronavirus testers aren't available which is fine by me as I had no intention of opening any of the creams anyway Confused

She walks off back to the end of the isle and continues to watch me closely. I choose the one I want and make my way to the tills around the other end of the shop, I stop to pick up the dummy my daughter dropped and when i looked up the same employee is following me through the shop.

She only buggers off once she has seen me pay for my items.

I wanted to address her and ask what the issue was but as soon as she saw me leave the cashier she walked out of sight.

For context I'm 26, casually dressed (trainers and leggings) and have my little girl in the pram. I'm not a drug user and don't look scruffy (I hope!)

I phoned my DM to have a moan and ask whether it has ever happened to her, she said no despite the fact she regularly uses boots, Superdrug etc.

Today has reminded me of a separate incident where the same thing happened in a shoe shop, again where I was casually browsing to then buy.

I'm offended and embarrassed that this is the impression shop keepers get of me, what is the likely reason? Age? Pram? Trainers? Confused

It's absolutely not the case that this happens to everybody as confirmed by the multiple friends I've asked since. She looked at me and made a judgement.

WIBU to complain or is that overkill?

OP posts:
HotMessTryNotToStress · 17/06/2020 00:00

I don't blame you for going to Superdrug from now on!
You don't sound like a twit at all to me. Anyone can be treated differently for any reason and I know this issue is a different end of the scale in the scheme of things. It doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel upset or talk about it.

I class myself as 'lucky' to be honest because I haven't received much in the way of overt racism over the years. Not like my Dad and other relatives who happen to have darker skin, they have been treated appallingly in the past. It makes my blood boil the way black men in particular are often treated and regularly don't receive equality in the justice system.

There is room for all kinds of issues on mumsnet surely.

SisterAgatha · 17/06/2020 00:04

Superdrug is cheaper anyway, they’ve done you a favour. Boots is the last ditch chemist.

Browzingss · 17/06/2020 00:04

You’d probably still face this problem at Superdrug. Superdrug and Boots share the same customers after all, so are subject to the same shoplifters. Previous shoplifters have definitely stolen from Superdrug using prams too so there’s no guarantee Superdrug won’t watch customers with prams either

wafflyversatile · 17/06/2020 00:06

It isn't pleasant to be treated with suspicion. I still remember this happening when I was unable accompanied in a Woolworths aged maybe 11, 40 years ago.
As previously said your half sister has probably had it happen more often. The only other time it happened to me was in a shop in italy when on holiday with a black boyfriend.

Gingerkittykat · 17/06/2020 00:18

@WhoWants2Know

I have had this happen in Tesco, very indiscreetly. No pram, and I'm not sure what I did to attract their attention other than do a regular big shop. I was doing the scan & shop thing and saw the security guard several times while shopping. Then I saw him speak to the assistant near the check outs, and lo & behold, all of my shopping had to be rescanned.

Haven't bothered with them much since.

Exactly the same happened to me, the security guard stood and watched while they rescanned £70 worth of shopping and seemed disappointed when I hadn't tried to steal anything!
Thisismytimetoshine · 17/06/2020 00:22

Don't they just do random spot checks on the self scan thing?

BadLad · 17/06/2020 04:39

Has anyone considered that it could be the pram?

sierra2020 · 17/06/2020 05:23

A lot of people thieve from boots, especially the smaller stores. So they tend to have security on high alert.
I know how you feel though, as it's happened to me a few times, and I honestly start feeling like did I accidentally steal anything?? Why am I being watched!? It's so annoying.
I swear everytime I've gone in Iceland, the security guard follows me around!! I don't shop there often, very rare. I had pram with me, like seriously whT frozen rubbish will I be dying to steal, he watches me when I get to the tills and shock horror actually pay for the items! But everytime I still get followed round. Thankfully i don't shop there much

sierra2020 · 17/06/2020 05:29

And don't get me started on co op, I was with my 2 children and a pram! The security guard followed us around. I was so angry. Like does he really think I will alllow my children to steal.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 17/06/2020 05:43

@rbe78 what does a 'drug user' look like any way?! Oh come off it! Don't play dumb, we all know what a drug user usually looks like Hmm

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 17/06/2020 05:51

@101stNC I know what you mean OP, this happens to me all the time.

I cannot wear make up due to medical issues, however I still make myself look presentable and do what I can with my hair and clothes.

Every single time I go to Boots, Superdrug or John Lewis! It's also happened in Waitrose. I don't have a Pram and it's happened whether I've had my little one with me or not and she's 5 years old and is also always smartly dressed.

I don't think most PP's on here understand quite how utterly demeaning and embarrassing it feels.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 17/06/2020 05:56

@Thisismytimetoshine You want to complain about someone doing their job? Good luck with that, she'll probably get a commendation from her boss. Nobody accused you of anything.It's aisle, btw

Wow aren't you just lovely

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 17/06/2020 06:08

@percheron67 and a very overweight chap

What on EARTH does his weight have to do with anything?!? Hmm

SpiritEssence · 17/06/2020 06:11

She sounds a good security guard. Just doing her job. Wish the ones where I worked were like that

Rubyupbeat · 17/06/2020 06:55

It happened to me once (that I noticed) and I did have a pushchair with my niece in, I was early 40s. This woman (turned out to be the msnager) followed me all round Monsoon, bloomin' obviously and when I took the lift up, she took the stairs and was waiting by the lift, I just remember asking her why she was following me and did she think I was stealing? (I was in a bad place in my head at the time) she denied it.
I remember leaving the store, really upset and having a massive panic attack, luckily my sister was in another shop.
I complained to them and they apologised and sent me a 200 pound voucher, I did shop with them regularly.
Tbh, I wouldn't have do the same if it happened again now, I was very fragile, I think.

Applesarenice · 17/06/2020 07:26

Definitely the pram. It’s happened to me and drives me mad too. I wasn’t a particularly young mum - early thirties. I used to just walk out of shops if it happened to me as it made me feel really small too. I always had to bite my tongue!

macaronilemonpony · 17/06/2020 07:34

Maybe she was bored. I have had security guards look at me for a bit - shoplifters come in all flavours!

Clapperslacket · 17/06/2020 08:09

This happens a lot in my local Boots when I go in with a pushchair. My mum has said the same when she’s been babysitting and has gone in with the pram. The security guard makes no secret of the fact he’s watching you.

JacobReesMogadishu · 17/06/2020 08:13

@sierra2020

And don't get me started on co op, I was with my 2 children and a pram! The security guard followed us around. I was so angry. Like does he really think I will alllow my children to steal.
People take it too personally. The security guard doesn’t know you.
redwoodmazza · 17/06/2020 08:19

I still remember when I was followed by the only shop assistant in a pottery shop about 40 years ago!!! It wasn't a large shop and I was browsing to look for an ornament or similar for a gift. The woman there just followed me around all the time!!! She didn't ask if she could help me. I found it so uncomfortable I decided to go elsewhere.
When I got to the door, I turned and told her that I had no intention of shop-lifting. I never went back.

KatherineJaneway · 17/06/2020 09:12

Shops do often share info, so if there have been thieves in other stores using prams then that could be a reason for them to be extra vigilant.

violetbunny · 17/06/2020 09:22

Totally off topic, but if foundation isn't sitting right on your skin then also have a look at what skincare you are using.

Spied · 17/06/2020 09:24

When I go in to my local Boots I don't get followed if I'm wearing my smart coat, make-up and boots. However if I'm wearing my leggings and trainers with my two pre-teens I do get followed.
I've never gone in smart with my DC so I don't know if it's my clothes or DC that make me look like a shoplifter.

Original poster
101stNC · 17/06/2020 09:46

@violetbunny

Totally off topic, but if foundation isn't sitting right on your skin then also have a look at what skincare you are using.
I struggle to find a skincare regime that works for me as my skin is very sensitive and whenever I try something new it breaks me out. This has been a problem since having my baby.

I've settled on a basic moisturiser which so far isn't making the problem any worse, but not necessarily much better. It's like being a teenager all over again Blush

OP posts:
GracieLane · 17/06/2020 10:17

@percheron67

Suspicious shopping for me is usually taking a long time over things I guess. I read all the labels due to allergies in the family, I'm indecisive too even with things I don't need to read, I usually forget things so end up walking in circles a few times. Sometimes I realise I've forgotten things after I've left the shop and go back round again. I am always thirsty so usually have a drink with me. Sometimes I get asked if I have paid for the drink, usually from a multipack of bottles which I had at home. I take a long time to shop, so I usually have to put some lip balm on or maybe have a snack, now I stop to apply anti bac hand gel instead, and hand cream. If I have the pram with me I usually get a basket, but once that's full I put multipacks of tins or big bottles of drink under the buggy until I get to the till (because otherwise I would have to leave my basket at the till and go back for them). Sometimes I get important calls and have to take them, so end up walking up the aisle barely looking at the shelves until the call is over, then have to go back round to get the things I've missed.

So either I look like a total scatter brain (the truth) or like I'm up to no good.