To not buy Nieces/Nephews gifts anymore?

[dontdreamitsover75]

I'm really not sure what to do but feel so taken for granted. I have loads of nieces and nephews (about 13 in total) I am childless. Every Christmas and Birthdays I buy all 13 of them gifts or give money and I feel so taken for granted. Some of them are only young (About 2) but I never receive a thank you from their parents either.
I do not expect to receive any gifts myself but often think a card would be nice, but every Christmas and Birthday I do not even get a card from their parents and it hurts.

I am not childless through choice, I didn't want children until I was 40 and then it never happened, they do not know this.

My Mum died last year and since then they have created their own child centred world which doesn't feature myself in it. They have their own Facebook group (They won't add me on Facebook and have blocked me!) They arrange meals together (always with the children there and holidays together where I have no invite. It breaks my heart.

I always said I wanted to be a Godparent but they used friends as godparents and I did not even get an invite to any of the Christenings.

I try and maintain contact and send texts etc but I am kept out of the loop particularly in regards to the care of my Dad.

My crime? I went away to University and am now a successful GP. We all had the same chances but I worked hard and have a successful career. When my Mum died they seem to think I would relocate back to my hometown despite living away since University. I visit frequently but my life is in London now, my partner his job etc.

What can I do, I hate being viewed as an outcast particularly when I did so much when they were all younger, I have helped them out enormously over the years, but now they all have these family setups that I am excluded from.

Its like being childless and having a uni education has cast me out since they all had their own families.

Where do I go from here?

Stop sending presents, take the hint that they don't want to have a relationship with you. They're not nice people op, and sending presents just makes you look like a mug if they never thank you or reciprocate

Yes just stop. They don't sound like nice people and it doesn't sound like it will change.

That’s so unkind of them. I think I’d stop sending gifts if you never see the children they’re for.

Personally I don't think the children should miss out because their parents are dicks. But I'd wind it in.

Under 10 - send a book and a card
Over 10 - send a card and a fiver/tenner
Stop at 16.

Just stop

Stop sending gifts, perhaps a card only. If your siblings have the temerity to ask where the gifts are say you thought you’d all stopped exchanging gifts as you never receive any or hear from them.

I’m sorry but they don’t sound like very nice people to behave like this with leaving you out of the family Facebook group etc. Maybe there is some jealousy that you have done so well on your career etc? Still no excuse though.

Stop.
Do you have good friends you are close to?

Sounds very hurtful. It’s more the being kept out of the loop than the presents thing.
Can you email them and say you are part of the family and would like to participate in meals, holidays, care of dad. Hopefully will open some dialogue. Better that than just cutting contact.

You gotta stop sometime and now is that time.

Stop sending any of them anything, parents and children. They take your kindness for granted.

I’ve had this for years. Not a single thanks, a text will do. Nada.
I bet there would be comments if I stopped though.

Sometimes I just want to know it arrived, I’m not looking for hand drawn thank you cards.

That's awful. In our family we have four kids and DH's brother is gay and single (and old now) so unlikely to have his own kids. DH and his brother's parents are passed away. He has always been very generous to our lot.

We are super aware that he might not otherwise get anything decent to open for Christmas or birthdays so he always gets a little pile of thoughtful things from us and something really nice like a partner would get you (eg trendy watch, cool speaker).

He always comes to us for Christmas and family events.

I would stop sending money (or if you want to, send a cheque at least you know they got it if it’s cashed) and just send a card. I’ve stopped sending to mine that are over 16 and I never hear from or see.

Ahh Tinkly you sound lovely 💕

I had a very similar situation, never got an acknowledgment gifts had arrived and never received a thank you.

I stopped. I put my energy and thought elsewhere now. It's heartbreaking, I understand. But manners cost nothing.

So they're willing to accept your gifts but not invite you into the family circle. I would stop sending gifts. They're not worth it and sound really nasty people. They're probably jealous of your success

Stop and get counseling to accept the situation.

The fact they've blocked you from social media and you don't even get a thank you speaks volumes.
Were you included whilst your mum was alive -and what changed between you after she sadly died? Was there a particular event?
Surely this can't be down to going to University.
I'd call one of them and ask directly.

It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with any of them? In which case, spending lots of money on them seems a bit pointless.

As someone else who is also childless, I can confirm that you see your parent friends pull away - it's not always malicious, it's more that they want to talk to people with similar experiences and suddenly you don't fit into that group. I think it hurts particularly in your case because these aren't friends, they're family, and you expect a bit more unconditional love.

In your shoes, I would gradually withdraw and invest my time in building better relationships outside of the family.

As of now, cut them all off, no more cards ,calls, gifts etc etc. They are selfish and thoughtless. Concentrate on your partner and have a wonderful life which excludes them. Sending you a hug x

I don't think this is about presents or jealousy,there must be more to it. Can you ask one of them why you get left out? If it is for the reasons you say they sound pretty unpleasant.

That's terrible.
I have one sibling that has no children, rest of us do. So we buy Christmas and birthday gifts for the children and just that one sibling....
We always get children to ring to say thank you... Used to do thank you cards and try and treat him a little with our gifts as he doesn't have family unit to do so.

They aren't treating you as one of the family... I'm sorry... That's hurtful and not acceptable. I wouldn't bother or take gifts down to a low token

Ouch, that's awful.
Blocking you from groups and not inviting you? Very cruel.
Try not to take the godparent thing too hard - you are family anyway, therefore should! be special that way, and godparents are just another present source, really.
Find a family of friends if you can as your blood family sound horribly nasty.

I think you deserve so much better. I would definitely stop buying anything for them. Don’t send them money. They don’t deserve you. Please don’t waste your precious time and energy on people that don’t make an effort with you, are ungrateful and ignorant. Try and move on. You sound like you’ve been a lovely auntie 💐

Have you told them how you feel?