Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you enjoy motherhood?

147 replies

AndromedaM31 · 14/06/2020 16:04

AIBU to ask whether you enjoy motherhood? I don’t. I’ve got 2 boys, one has just turned 6 & the other just turned 18 months. The older one I suspect has OCD as he’s very high maintenance.

I love my kids to the ends of the Earth & would die for them. But I don’t enjoy being a mum. It’s a relentless daily grind, punctuated by periods of intense worry & anxiety when one of them is ill. I get nothing done, there’s never any sense of progress. I just spend my days moving breathlessly from room to room picking up after the little one who is a professional house wrecker, whilst the 6 yr old follows me moaning because he’s not getting 101% of my attention.

I’ve sacrificed my career to have them & have lost workplace skills, + a hell of a lot of professional confidence over the last decade. I’m horribly skint.

It’s a lifestyle choice, and I did choose it so I’ve got no one to blame but myself. But I do sometimes wish I could be one of these mums who seems at one with their choice! I struggle to accept what my life has become & who I’ve become.

Interested to hear how other women honestly feel? Do you like being a mum?

OP posts:
Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 14/06/2020 16:07

I enjoy motherhood when I dont feel an overwhelming anxiety about it, which is fairly rare.

LastRoloIsMine · 14/06/2020 16:08

Sometimes.

I don't enjoy the drudgery.
The cleaning, cooking, neediness and the general i haven't pooed/weed/showered in piece in 15 years.

That said my DC are amazing to be around. They are bright funny and I love them as they do bring me joy as well as stess anxiety and overall worry.

magicmallow · 14/06/2020 16:08

I'm a LP to just one, but in the early days felt exactly like you do, even up until he was around 5/6. It's much better now he's older and more fun, I have my life back a bit and I can reason with him!

PhilTheGroundhog · 14/06/2020 16:09

Not always.

BakewellGin1 · 14/06/2020 16:10

I surprised myself after my first as I loved it.. The whole teaching him new things, watching him grow and so on but I found it hard because my life had to change...

With my second I feel exactly the same but being a parent is much easier this time around.

Thesepretzelsaremakingmethirst · 14/06/2020 16:11

I enjoy motherhood when they are asleep. Seeing their angelic faces makes me forget the tantrums, screaming, refusals to eat/play nicely/enjoy anything I I arrange for them. I love them so so much but it is so hard to enjoy their company and spending time with them lately. I know it's temporary and I do not think I would feel quite this jaded if it wasnt for the lockdown and the fact I'm at home with them all the time.

I sometimes look back and think to how I felt when they were born and think.to myself ",I never thought it would be like this". But I try not to do that too often

Oysterbabe · 14/06/2020 16:12

I enjoy it most of the time. Its been harder since the kids have been off nursery and there has been no break from it. They are back in a few weeks and I'll definitely be happier. I need to work and have time away from them to fully enjoy being with them. Lockdown has been hard.
Do you work OP?

Merryoldgoat · 14/06/2020 16:15

Very similarly to you but I still work outside the home (albeit part time).

7yo DS Has ASD. 2yo likely to also be on the spectrum.

Youngest is a wrecking ball. Moves furniture all over the place. Uses me as a climbing frame. Has a speech delay so whines at me constantly.

The older is both easy and difficult. Expects things his way all the time. Constant bargaining and pushing of boundaries etc.

I’m knackered, worn down, depressed and fat.

I adore them both but don’t always enjoy it and sometimes detest it.

ScarfLadysBag · 14/06/2020 16:17

I do. And that's why I'm sticking with one. I enjoy motherhood and am a good parent with one. I cannot guarantee the same would be true if I had another (in fact I know it wouldn't be!). But one allows me time to pursue all the other stuff in life I want to do.

lazylinguist · 14/06/2020 16:17

Yes, I do. But I have a 14yo and a 12yo who have always been pretty easy to parent tbh (even as toddlers). They are funny and great company, and they always have been (so far!). I don't think I'd be a very good mother of high needs kids. Obviously I'd love them and I'd do my best, but when I read about what some parents have to deal with, I just can't imagine how they cope tbh.

HotStottie · 14/06/2020 16:18

I hated the years I was stuck at home with young dc. My saving grace was going back to work when my youngest was 7.

firstimemamma · 14/06/2020 16:21

I do love it but it's hard! Have you read the unmumsy mum op? I know some people on here hate it but I enjoyed it and it might help you too.

lazylinguist · 14/06/2020 16:21

I do. And that's why I'm sticking with one. I enjoy motherhood and am a good parent with one.

I can see the logic in that, but for me one of the best things as a parent is seeing the relationship between my dc. Lockdown has been so much less of a trial because they have each other as well as us. And I say that as a parent of a 14yo girl and a 12yo boy - not a combo that you'd necessarily expect to have much in common or get on well!

ScarfLadysBag · 14/06/2020 16:29

I think it just depends. I was an only and would have hated a sibling (and have never missed not having one). DH has siblings who he gets on with and loves but said he would have been just as happy on his own as a child. We are both introverts who don't like lots of noise or busy households Grin So for us, one allows us to enjoy parenthood but keeps a balance that we are happy with in the other parts of our life.

Andwoooshtheyweregone · 14/06/2020 16:30

I love it when I can just have fun with my kids it’s hard the relentless of it but the fun outweighs everything else especially as they get older.

ScarfLadysBag · 14/06/2020 16:31

(We will get a second dog though Grin)

missmouse101 · 14/06/2020 16:33

No I don't. My own life has been on hold for 19 years and I'm trapped in an unhappy relationship because of children. I just have to accept it as my lot, especially at the moment.

sunlightflower · 14/06/2020 16:35

I'd say I enjoy about 70% of it? Sometimes it has been less, and occasionally more.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 14/06/2020 16:35

There are bits I enjoy, and bits I CBA with, and bits that make me thankful for the experience, and bits that make me regret the whole shebang. I love them, and I think I'm an adequate mother. There are worse ways to spend a life, I guess.

GameSetMatch · 14/06/2020 16:38

I really enjoy it but I’ve never really been ambitious or wanted a career, I find it hard work but the good bits out way the bad bits for sure.

RibenaMonsoon · 14/06/2020 16:41

I enjoy it alot. There are aspects of my life before children that I really miss. But if I had the chance to choose again I'd choose my children in a heartbeat.

iwilltaketwoplease · 14/06/2020 16:46

Ask again when they're all asleep Grin

I do enjoy it but a lot of the time especially the past few months has been very challenging.

Mummyshark2018 · 14/06/2020 16:51

I love it. I only have one though. I don't feel like I've had to sacrifice anything in my life- apart from sleep when she was younger and a bit of money. I get lots of free time alongside doing lots of fun things with her. Parenting her is genuinely a joy.

vikingwife · 14/06/2020 16:52

No you’re not ! Your experience is basically the reason decided kids weren’t for me. Feel women are largely sold a lie about the fulfilment parenthood provides. Life isn’t like a Huggies commercial or Kodak moment.

Prefer my peace & quiet, enjoying solitude...also when have even a head cold being able to take yourself to bed & recuperate. As a person who loves their sleep & also has insomnia, disrupted nights would be very detrimental to my mental health. I count sleeping as one of my favourite activities.

For the people it is, who say it is the ultimate achievement in life - tend to assume they have not found satisfaction in a pursuit or passion, perhaps not experienced the loving bond with a beloved faithful pet, or cried tears of pure joy at achieving a goal you thought impossible.

I think having kids is like gambling & you never know what you will get. I have never been a gambling girl before, so why take that chance when am risking my life/lifestyle?

Am dedicated to senior dog rescue & various hobbies...but never experience boredom either & know many parents enjoy having a lively house with rambunctious kids around & that can be fun ! But they claim you can’t be bored when you’re a parent, though think some like the OP can become worn down by the daily grind.

I guess the sound of children’s laughter is not something that has ever warmed my heart...prefer quieter older kids but all my maternal love goes to the rescue dogs.

If ever felt clucky for a kid now, must mean I must have room & time on my hands to rescue a couple more dogs ! @

Whatisinaname1223 · 14/06/2020 16:54

Yes as not known owt different I had my oldest whose 10 when I was literally just turned 20 and as i was about to go into 2and year of uni - I had mat leave and jumped into the sept intake as daughter was born in jan (i was a jan intake adult nursing studies ) so I was able to complete 1st year and then start 2and year in September all nursery was fully paid for by the university.

It made me grow up quickly and I adapted again i didnt know any different we rented mums 2and home in a terrible area but paid 100 quid a month rent. I passed my nursing and was fine qualified we got married bought a new house along came dd2 whose 6 in october. At this very moment in time cooking dinner watching Jurassic world and youngest is crying as shes starving but I didnt see the child free life. I can imagine it's hard to go from care free couple to mummy with more responsibility.