Do you enjoy motherhood?

[AndromedaM31]

AIBU to ask whether you enjoy motherhood? I don’t. I’ve got 2 boys, one has just turned 6 & the other just turned 18 months. The older one I suspect has OCD as he’s very high maintenance.

I love my kids to the ends of the Earth & would die for them. But I don’t enjoy being a mum. It’s a relentless daily grind, punctuated by periods of intense worry & anxiety when one of them is ill. I get nothing done, there’s never any sense of progress. I just spend my days moving breathlessly from room to room picking up after the little one who is a professional house wrecker, whilst the 6 yr old follows me moaning because he’s not getting 101% of my attention.

I’ve sacrificed my career to have them & have lost workplace skills, + a hell of a lot of professional confidence over the last decade. I’m horribly skint.

It’s a lifestyle choice, and I did choose it so I’ve got no one to blame but myself. But I do sometimes wish I could be one of these mums who seems at one with their choice! I struggle to accept what my life has become & who I’ve become.

Interested to hear how other women honestly feel? Do you like being a mum?

I love being a mum. Mine are 5, 4 & 5 months and I find myself getting broody everytime they get to 1!

I enjoy being a mum.

However I think it could be your circumstances OP. Lack of money, support,no partner, sleep, not having other mum friends can make you feel like this and being a SAHM.

Looking back when my DC was a baby I found it really hectic I did enjoy it but I’m glad I went back to work as I don’t feel Im not the type that would make a good SAHM.
There has been days where I feel like my life is ruined when my friends are going out and I’m at home being a “mum”. Overall I know I’m lucky and children are blessings.

I love my kids but hate motherhood with a passion. It's a mindfuck and the hardest job ever.

I enjoy it most of the time. I've got 5 dc between the ages of 6 and nearly 14. There have been times especially in lockdown when I just want to go to the toilet by myself. The joys of having little ones and teens mean that the oldest goes to bed at the same time as me so I never get any child free time.

@Pippypoppypop how old was u when u had her

I enjoy it, it's really interesting and rewarding. I also liked my life before children and had lots of fun times which obviously couldn't happen the same with a child. But there are different things to enjoy now. I think it's important to keep control over your life. Perhaps your partner can work part time and you work part time, cut back on your standard of living to leave more time and reduce stress, even just expect more from your children? You don't have to be a martyr to their happiness. Why put up with a 6 year old constantly moaning at you? They are old enough to learn to find something else to do.

Yes, I love being a mum. Now. Mine are in their 30s.
The first 6 or 7 years nearly broke me though, and I'd have handed them over to anyone who asked.

depends what day you ask me lol
A good day, yeah
A bad day, hell no

No, mostly not, I'm not suited to motherhood. I've never really come to terms with the loss of freedom, peace and quiet of my old life*

I do relate to this, now dd is older im much better as im getting freedom, peace and quiet back which makes me enjoy motherhood more.
I hated the baby/toddler stage
DD is an only lol

I hated it, REALLY hated it, for the first couple of years. It was completely planned, we were in a very good position financially and DD1 was actually a very good baby and slept a huge amount.

None of that mattered. I wanted to turn back the clock/run away most of the time. I never realised how intrinsically selfish I was until I became a mother. I hugely resented the burden of responsibility. I was a SAHM which was a ridiculously stupid idea and exasperated the problem. DH worked stupid hours so rarely did any hands on parenting. The whole thing was a massive regret.

Turning two and talking/developing a little personality was when it changed for me. Now I have two and while I still have hard days the good outweigh the bad and I'm finally able to delight in my children and feel fortunate for what I have.

I love it BUT, I only have one, and he's very easy. I also work full time and refuse to do domestic drudgery. DH and I pay someone to do the bits I don't like or don't have time for.

Love it! Some if us actually do enjoy being parents. I'd have started earlier and had more. I've not read through the entire thread but I assume I'm in the minority!

I do love it, and like a pp further up, I never really had any ambitions for a career.
I am a SAHM, to primary aged children and am currently retraining to get back into a job after not working in paid employment for over 10 years. Covid has put a stop to that for now though.
I get incredibly anxious when they’re sick, to the point where I sometimes think why did I bother having them? This is so stressful and then I fall down a rabbit hole of worry.

But I really do enjoy being a mum to them. I love that I’m home when they come home from school and that we have all the time together in the afternoons. I’ve enjoyed lockdown and homeschooling them as well, even though that was a nightmare in itself.

Yes. I had an unexpected pregnancy and was unsure how I would feel about being a mum. I think because my situation wasn't perfect I had no u realistic expectations. I expected it to be hard and was pleasantly surprised. I absolutely love being a mum and now have 3. I feel like I am lucky as they are very easy chilled out kids and I love spending time with them. Friends and family have more challenging kids and it's a completely different experience. I always think of my kids as some sort of karma as my own family growing up felt quite troubled so it's nice to experience something more simple and loving

Pretty much the same as you op. Mine are 11 & 8 and a handful.

I've never loved motherhood, nor the lack of freedom and drudgery that surrounds it. BUT I do love my children so very, very much.

I love being a mum.

I’m a single mum, I still work full time so I haven’t lost my career to the same extent as you although I can no longer travel for work and have taken a hit on that.
And yes, I’m tired most of the time. The house is often untidy and my social life has dwindled away. But ds is funny, bright, loves me unconditionally, without stupid games and our house is a happy place.

Now he’s older, he and his mates amuse themselves when I want a break and I’m really enjoying life. I am an older mum and for me it has worked very well.

I have one and spend most days feeling terrible she doesnt have siblings.
I enjoyed the early years but we are out of then now and her and her dad are best buddies and in the one that gets screamed and shouted at. She was a crap sleeper till school and my marriage suffered. I adore her but I thought being a mum would be different

I love motherhood but I categorically would not love it if I didn't get a chance to escape to work and hobbies and holidays without them.

I also refuse to do domestic drudgery. Motherhood improves massively if you outsource, outsource, outsource.

I love it, its hard but I love it.i love when I'm just out of sight in the doorway and DS (3.5) who pretends he's not fussed about his baby sister, immediately starts doing things to make her giggle happily.

I also refuse to do domestic drudgery. Motherhood improves massively if you outsource, outsource, outsource.

This. Motherhood & domestic drudgery are two entirely separate things.

Parenting isn't a constant, it changes so much. I loathed the toddler & primary school years. It felt like constant, thankless, reparative, boring, hard slog. However, I loved the baby years & I'm currently that finding parenting teens is an absolute joy. I can actually see the results of all of that hard slog & yes, we have our problems but overall, it great. Hang in there, your sacrifices are investments & they will pay off. That's amplified with SEN kids, my Aspergers son was a bloody nightmare but I burst with pride & could gush about him all day now (he's almost 17).

@SpillTheTeaa why the snarky face to @vikingwife ?
I thought she explained really clearly and non-judgmentally why she didn't want to experience motherhood. I'm in full agreement and it was nice to read a post I could relate to on this issue. I'm a teacher a love working with kids - school closure has been very lonely for me in some ways. But I've never wanted motherhood. Never wanted that all-consuming, unconditional love.

Yes I love it.