Do you enjoy motherhood?

[AndromedaM31]

AIBU to ask whether you enjoy motherhood? I don’t. I’ve got 2 boys, one has just turned 6 & the other just turned 18 months. The older one I suspect has OCD as he’s very high maintenance.

I love my kids to the ends of the Earth & would die for them. But I don’t enjoy being a mum. It’s a relentless daily grind, punctuated by periods of intense worry & anxiety when one of them is ill. I get nothing done, there’s never any sense of progress. I just spend my days moving breathlessly from room to room picking up after the little one who is a professional house wrecker, whilst the 6 yr old follows me moaning because he’s not getting 101% of my attention.

I’ve sacrificed my career to have them & have lost workplace skills, + a hell of a lot of professional confidence over the last decade. I’m horribly skint.

It’s a lifestyle choice, and I did choose it so I’ve got no one to blame but myself. But I do sometimes wish I could be one of these mums who seems at one with their choice! I struggle to accept what my life has become & who I’ve become.

Interested to hear how other women honestly feel? Do you like being a mum?

My two daughters argue a lot, although strangely enough during lockdown not as much. Many a time I have been tempted to leave the lot of them and only see them on weekends for the fun bits.

No, I can categorically say that I don't enjoy motherhood. But I longed for them and was sad without, years of ttc. So I can mostly accept my life choice. Nothing can prepare you for the reality and of course they are wonderful, but it's relentless and dull.

Having my daughter is the best thing I've ever done, genuinely, I love her and enjoy motherhood. She's trying at times, being strong willed and independent but I kind of love her all the more for it.

Being a stepmum is the hardest thing I have ever done because you have all the grind, mess, chaos, arguing, with the knowledge that if you split with your OH that you'd be unlikely to see those children again.

70/30.

Yes I do. The minutiae is often boring and/ or frustrating but motherhood has given my life a deeper meaning than I had before

I get nothing done, there’s never any sense of progress.

This is the most accurate description of parenting small ones I think I have ever seen., especially in Lockdown. Mine are 10mo and 4 so similar age gap to yours op. I remember how much hard work 18mo are and I really feel for you, especially with no toddler group or playground to wear them out.

I enjoy the kids themselves in general but totally agree with pp about the drudgery.

But mostly the stuff I don't like is the extra stuff that isn't exactly parenting but comes with it by default... the housework, the lack of time for my own hobbies, the tiredness, the impact on my career and sense of self. Those things are hard not to resent sometimes.

A pp said that it gets better after the kids turn 6. From what I've seen so far that sounds pretty plausible.

Part of my reason for not wanting more than one or twins is that I couldn't bear to hit the reset button on those early years. My oldest brother is 14 - so my mum did the school run for 28 years straight. Almost as long as I've been alive.

(Merely reading posts where people talk about having more kids with a second partner make me physically squirm at the idea of adding that level of complication to my life - no man nor child would be worth that to me! It's fascinating to see the mindset of people to whom this is no issue!)

I absolutely loved it.
The bit I hated was tea time when the kids were in primary school. The best bits were the teens. I'd love to have those years back.

There’s definitely a difference between loving motherhood / parenting and loving your child.
I did love motherhood until lockdown started, now I’m finding it HARD and am envious of my child free friends in a way that I wasn’t before.
I’m hoping that once lockdown is lifted I will start to enjoy it more again, but god knows how long it will be before baby groups etc are back up and running.

I honestly love it. I used to worry when I was pregnant that I would feel overwhelmed and not enjoy it but I’ve surprised myself. DS is 14 months and a full blown toddler with tantrums etc but I still love it and I love family life. So much so I’m 6 months pregnant with DS2.

The tiredness of the newborn days were much tougher than I expected and I thought I would never sleep again. Once I’ve slept I can deal with anything so if it’s a hard day I remind myself of that!

I'm on the "It's fun with one!" bench. I love it, but some ages are harder than others - sounds like you're at a particularly rough stage, OP. Also, I enjoy it more when I get a break. It's hard to enjoy anything that is unending and relentless.

Sometimes! It's hard and there are definitely times when I really didnt. I think the time that was hardest in managing them both was when oldest was 6 and little one was 2. Their needs were so different at that point. Was easier by 7 and 3 and kept getting easier - until lockdown!
Hang on in there OP. Get any help that you can and maybe look to get a job as soon as poss?

Yes I do. I have an only which is the number of children I wanted and knew I would be good at.

Like another poster I'd say I love 70% of it. Depends on the day really. Dd is a joyful, strong willed little girl and I adore her. It's a strange feeling, like I wouldn't change her for the world but if I had a crystal ball and knew what my life would have turned into, I would have ran in the other direction. It's the love for them that keeps you trapped going.
It'd be a lot more if I was in a better situation with more support and my mental health wasn't so up and down though.

My DS I suspect has some mild ASD so is high maintenance too - ADHD traits, emotionally volatile, loses control and gets rough physically, doesn't sleep much, unable to see anything but his way or follow instructions. Screams murder through bath or sunscreen. Many days a defiant, stubborn bastard. Vandalises everything. Bullied at school, making him a bully himself. The sort I worry will become a horrible grown up like the ones women come on MN to complain about and everyone says "LTB!"

However, he is also very creative, cuddly, sensitive, loving, bright and funny in his best moments. Surprises me with his level of reading despite refusing to read. Has his buddha moments, advised me (re lockdown), "you know, change is hard but once you do it, it is not so bad after all".

My younger is a delight to parent so far (touch wood), even with her spirited moments.

And then they have clashing personalities and non-stop sibling brawls including physical fights. He also bullies her, reducing her to tears a lot (jealousy at her natural born ability and ease with everything). This means I am constantly having to intervene and deal with stressful emotions daily. I have no family to help. It's exhausting for me and DH.

On those days I raise exactly the same question as you OP, especially with career sacrifices. I dont think you have one generalised opinion about motherhood - it's just some children/times are harder, and of course you'd rather not have that 'self-inflicted' stress.

I love it.

Yes, I enjoy it. I never imagined having children, but am due my 5th baby next month. I find it rewarding and fun, and yes, it's hard work and I have 2 with extra needs, but I feel like it's what I'm meant to do. I can't imagine having a job out of the home, doing the same thing every day, and not being with my children.

Early days here, but 9 months in and I LOVE it.
Which is a revelation as I left it until I was 40 as was sure I didn’t want or like kids. My own though is awe inspiring! Shame as I’d like to have had more now.

I acknowledge I have yet to exercise a toddler though and my opinions may change.

Career wise, I was at my peak anyway so I’m happy to stagnate now. There are benefits to being older

I've only got one 7 month old. Yes and no. I agree about the general drudgery of it all. Working 24/7 and only ever get 1/10 of daily tasks done. And they're just tasks to keep things moving. Hate always feeling like a mess.

But I also love him to bits and already desperately want another? 🤷‍♀️

I have 2 boys (10 and 8). I love and adore them, they are fantastic bright, beautiful, talented boys and the light of my life.

However, I suck at motherhood, spend every day down on myself, feeling guilty, irritated, angry, miserable, no patience, shouty, stressed, fat (obese), unfit, messy house, wrinkly red angry face.

I work full time and pre lockdown was doing well with keeping them busy with activities after school and at weekends to limit my time with them.

Luckily their dad is fabulous, the polar opposite of me. Funny, kind, patient. He has just started working away during the week so I am in trouble.

My boys are awesome in spite of me. I know that sounds awful but it is true. I have good moments but they are outweighed by the bad ones.

I love my children so much. They are obviously amazing and perfect and beautiful and so clever and funny.

If all I had to do was hang out with them one to one, I'd be okay.

What I hate is having to referee the bickering and tantrums against a background of never-ending housework, cooking and laundry. That's the part that sucks the joy and makes it feel like a drudge.

Motherhood is the best thing I have done with my life...but also the hardest!