Sorry for late response, I’m so overwhelmed by the messages and support, thank you 
Pollo Yes, I am OK, thanks for asking. I’ve got the numbers of some local solicitors and will make some calls tomorrow. I also told my mum about the sleep walking thing incidents and she got very upset. She agrees that I need to leave.
Techway What you said about his lashing out others due to his poor self-esteem and self-loathing rings true. He does love drama. If there is a road rage incident, he will get out of the car to film it on the phone. He argued with the police because their car and an ambulance was blocking the road when one of houses had an emergency. I don’t know how he avoided arrest that time.
Im0GEN that’s a good idea about asking for a bigger share of the house in return for no spousal support/share of pension. I’ll ask the solicitor about it.
Neutrino I haven’t been afraid of him and also he can be very passive and compliant when I call him out on stuff. However, I do feel low level anxiety when I hear him around the house or he shouts my name. I suspect subconsciously I am afraid. Yes, the thought of leaving this stress behind is driving me on. I’m looking forward to having a new phone number when this is over.
Bakedbrie I have tried to engage him so many times on his self-esteem and why he does the things he does but I only get responses like ‘I don’t know’ or he will shift the blame to me. It’s only over the last few months I’ve realised that there is no point asking, maybe he doesn’t even know why, and even if he does, he wouldn’t tell me.
bananaorange I already have the application form for divorce. I’m going to call the solicitor tomorrow to see if I can just complete and submit it and they help me with a financial order. Then I’ll call estate agents for a valuation on the house/put it on the market.
CuppaZa He’s 35. Other strange behaviours, he is very strange with money. He will blow money on expensive restaurants and yet I once booked a hotel that charged for parking (£2 per night) and he screamed at me for not booking one with free parking. That was 4 years ago.
Zoflorabore thank you for that, that’s lovely to read
Happynow001 thanks I will do that. I have never shared my passwords with him and can keep important documents at my mum’s.
Rumbletumble yes part of me is looking forward to leaving this house and having a fresh start. I’m also apprehensive about the upheaval, but I know everything needs a first step. I’ve been wondering how much to tell my manager. I’m a private person but I think I need him to know why if my work suffers.
snowman he uses his real identity, which I’ve found so strange.
Voda yes I have lots and lots of screenshots. I wanted to have them so I don’t forget what he’s really like.
I’ve read all the messages, thank you to everyone. This thread has really helped me see that I can’t make any more excuses, and that things have been getting worse. I’ve also felt sorry for him but I realise that a pp was right, I’m BU staying with him.