DH sends messages

[Jaemoon]

Hi, I wanted to get a sense of how bad this is. DH has a Facebook account that he doesn’t post any updates or pics on or anything, however he uses the Messenger app to message people he went to school/college/university and their connections. The messages are typically:

• saying something controversial to get a reaction
• pretending to people he went to university with that he has a completely different job (I.e. has a professional finance role but tells people he works in a factory)
• pretends he’s not married
• asking to borrow money from someone who can ill afford it (DH doesn’t need money at all).
• spams 20 people he doesn’t really know at a time about a recent event (e.g. football match score)

We have had some issues and went to Relate for these. I mentioned that I found his messaging very odd but the counsellor dismissed it because he said he does it out of boredom. I think it’s indicative of other issues with him (he is insecure but also feels superior to the people he messages). Does anyone have experience of this? My AIBU is that I think his behaviour is unreasonable. Do you agree? Thanks

It sounds really stressful. I think you may have already made your decision

He genuinely sounds like a sociopath.

Bored? No, weird? I'd say!
Why do you think he's appearing as superior OP if he's asking for money? It seems to me he's acting like a victim or plain and simple, he's attention seeking? Does he crave attention with you a lot?

I'm prepared to overlook a fair bit of weird in a relationship (I'm pretty weird myself) but that's too much weird even for me. It's the potential for harm/upset to the people he messages I couldn't get past, kindness in a partner is a prerequisite for me and what he's doing certainly isn't kind. I'm glad the unanimous replies are helping and that you're working up to leaving

Sorry to say this to you, but he sounds dangerous. I'd say you need to get away from him?

He sounds really awful. Make your plans, OP.

This is one of the strangest things I've read on here in a long time.
The sleepwalking thing is really concerning. I think you should leave immediately. Sometimes it's easy to think its safe when you know them but there's something massively amiss here.
Sorry you're going through this x

That's some scary shit you've got going on there.

OP I know someone who is a bit like this. Look up “covert narcissism” and see if it fits the bill.

Is he trying to be funny? That sounds seriously odd and quite worrying. Are you okay?

tara66 he seems to only torment this one person for money and I think he thinks there’s very little chance of it kicking off as he lives a few hours away. To be clear he doesn’t actually expect to receive any money, he is taking the piss out of this person. It’s horrible to read.

sparklesocks yes I’ve made my decision. thanks

VenusTiger he feels superior because he thinks he earns more than most. He often makes fun of me for earning less than 50kpa, and says that people on his grad scheme at his workplace earn more than me. I don’t care about a high salary so I’ve found his fixation bizarre.

He is at manager level but compares himself to senior exec at my company, people who are at the top of their careers earning £250kpa at least. I find it very bizarre as he genuinely seems to think he’s better than them. And yet he went for a controller level job recently and didn’t get it. But he still feels superior. It’s very bizarre.

Reminds me of a toxic twat of an ex who, alongside hiding signficant aspects of his life, liked to make people feel uncomfortable. One example (which was just fucking weird) was asking someone in the Highlands of Scotland where the nearest tube station was. Dick.

He’s what you call a bonafide troll.

My ex did shit like this and it was indicative of what was going in his mind. Pent up aggression.

He sounds like an incredibly unattractive man and is not mentally or emotionally healthy.
Playing with people, manipulating people's reactions and acting out his pretend scenarios is definitely not normal behaviour. I would be shocked if he wasn't doing worse things on other platforms too.

There are so many men/women out there, you don't have to waste your life in this relationship.

that is actually mental.

PeppaChic no I don’t think I am ok. I’m good at masking and presenting an ok front but I know now i need to leave.

Fr0th I’ve read up on narcissism but will look up covert narcissism.

Insanely weird.

Is he a psychopath...

My first impression from post was that he enjoys making people suffer. I think you're right, he is malicious. Glad you are resolute on leaving, don't mention anything to him, he is untrustworthy at best and at worst will make you pay.

Keep careful op.

@GallusAlice79

He genuinely sounds like a sociopath.

This is what I thought while reading it.

So very bizarre.

I think you need to be very careful when you leave so that you are safe. Make sure others know your plans etc. He sounds dangerous.

UnaCorda asking something bizarre like about the nearest tube in Scotland is something he would do.

I think it’s indicative of other issues with him (he is insecure but also feels superior to the people he messages).

I think you know what you mean, but want us to say it, so you know others come to the same conclusion. It is narcissistic. He is a manipulator.

That's just weird as fuck.

When I read the sleep wailing part, my eyes nearly fell out of my head. I swear, no exaggeration.

He sounds like a psychopath.

Doesnt really matter what the counsellor makes of it. Hes just a total knob. Which is a really good reason not to be with someone.