DH sends messages

[Jaemoon]

Hi, I wanted to get a sense of how bad this is. DH has a Facebook account that he doesn’t post any updates or pics on or anything, however he uses the Messenger app to message people he went to school/college/university and their connections. The messages are typically:

• saying something controversial to get a reaction
• pretending to people he went to university with that he has a completely different job (I.e. has a professional finance role but tells people he works in a factory)
• pretends he’s not married
• asking to borrow money from someone who can ill afford it (DH doesn’t need money at all).
• spams 20 people he doesn’t really know at a time about a recent event (e.g. football match score)

We have had some issues and went to Relate for these. I mentioned that I found his messaging very odd but the counsellor dismissed it because he said he does it out of boredom. I think it’s indicative of other issues with him (he is insecure but also feels superior to the people he messages). Does anyone have experience of this? My AIBU is that I think his behaviour is unreasonable. Do you agree? Thanks

*sleep walking... Not wailing

I’m so surprised by the reaction on this thread. I knew people would find it weird but the level to which people see how bad it is makes me realise I have been too forbearing. Not quite the right word.

Sounds like he's a narcassist and I don't use that term lightly. LTB.

The boredom is classic of narcs too. They can rarely get enough stimulation/enough of a response from people.

Fucking weird.
He sounds unhinged. I am not sure I'd feel safe living with someone who did this sort of thing. I'd be on edge. Its just not something a normal/kind/sane person would do...

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.britannica.com/amp/story/whats-the-difference-between-a-psychopath-and-a-sociopath-and-how-do-both-differ-from-narcissists&ved=2ahUKEwju-qqG7__pAhWCUBUIHaUVAcMQFjAMegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw39WtcATRzamHunzCdlo_hv&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.britannica.com/amp/story/whats-the-difference-between-a-psychopath-and-a-sociopath-and-how-do-both-differ-from-narcissists&ved=2ahUKEwju-qqG7__pAhWCUBUIHaUVAcMQFjAMegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw39WtcATRzamHunzCdlo_hv&ampcf=1

How does he act around animals, out of interest?
Would you feel comfortable leaving him alone with a pet?

But doesn't he realise that asking for money makes him look poor?
Why doesn't the other person block him?

Sorry for the very untidy link, I'm on my phone but I thought you'd find an article outlying narcissism, sociopathic personality and psychopathic personality. He is 100% never going to be better and his behaviour will only escalate when he no longer feels satisfaction from the level of manipulating and toying with people he does now.

Oh everyone must think he’s such a pain in the arse. I’m sorry OP you know you have to leave and when you do change your number as he’ll only spam you too!

He’s a troll.

Omg your sleepwalking example made my stomach clench, OP.

This is far, far from normal. Agree with PPs that he sounds sociopathic.

NoMoreDickHeads I have thought he could be a narcissist but he is so insecure in some ways (about his looks, the area we live in, etc) that it didn’t quite compute for me. I don’t think I’ve totally understood who can be a narcissist.

I’ve not mentioned other behaviour (silent treatment, controlling behaviour) because I do recognise how completely unacceptable that is.

So you're married to... a troll.
In all seriousness it does sound as if he might have a personality disorder, but with or without a diagnosis, his behaviour is very worrying.
My advice is to stop going to Relate, the counsellor sounds rubbish (quite a few of them are sadly).
Focus your energies on getting your ducks in a row and on counselling for yourself to keep yourself sane, he sounds like the type to enjoy making you feel as if you're crazy.

I wonder if any of these sound familiar:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles

There's something seriously wrong with him. He sounds cruel as fuck.

He sounds pathological. You need to think hard about leaving. He needs to see a doctor to get referred to a psychiatrist. From what you write he has a personality disorder.

Oh God! That behaviour makes me shudder - it’s creepy, malicious, manipulative, cruel and unpleasant. The lack of empathy is scary.

Did he like doing horrible things to animals when he was younger?!

Get away from this man. He’s already shown you he’s not interested in your safety and he likes to fuck with people’s minds for sport.

Cripes, you know what you need to do. Practically speaking, how easy is that for you at the moment?

@OpenWheelRace he doesn’t like animals (I love cats and he says we could never have one) but he’s never hurt anything to my knowledge.

He’s also never physically hurt me. Once on holiday in the US his extreme shouting at me whilst I was driving on the right side of the road for the first time made me snap and I slapped his thigh to make him stop, he did say that if I ever hit him again he would hit me back much harder, but he’s never hit me or pushed me or anything.

I would find this odd bordering on disturbing.

I can't believe he was about to let you sleep walk out of the house! What did he actually do/say to you that night? He's a very odd man to say the least! do you have DC? x

So you're married to... a troll.

My thoughts exactly. A walking talking troll.

I'm sure this is the tip of the iceberg OP.

Pollo we don’t have kids and the only joint asset is the house. I can afford to rent or buy a 1 bed flat myself. I’m hoping the house will sell without too much trouble. I asked the bank and they said they wouldn’t let me get a mortgage on it on just my salary. The solicitor said I could ask for spousal support or a share of pension, but I don’t want any links to him.

I slapped his thigh to make him stop, he did say that if I ever hit him again he would hit me back much harder, but he’s never hit me or pushed me or anything.

Yet...