There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

This is a mean spirited post, especially when so many are at the limits of their patience thanks to lockdown.

May I suggest you set up an Instagram account, so you can share what a perfect parent you are with the rest of the world? I'm sure loads of people would love to see it....

What's that phrase.... oh yes, pride comes before a fall....

It is mainly dependent on the toddler. My DD never went through the terrible 2's, she was wonderful, then she turned 3 and the tantrums, foot stamping, mine and just general naughtiness began, it was like having a mini teenager in the house.
Still she was nothing on my DS, he is 2 now and has truly hit the terrible 2's, he does the stereotypical toddler tantrum thing of throwing himself on the floor whilst crying when he doesn't get his own way, he has hit on occasion and has bitten my DD on occasion, he is the complete opposite of my DD and he we patented him exactly the same way. The main difference is my DD was ahead in her speech at that age, whereas my DS is behind in his speech.

It's always a treat when a relatively new parent comes along and praises their superior parenting skills.

It's a shame you haven't had any training or practice with handling badly behaved kids as all toddlers eventually become teenagers.

Blaming parenting ignores physiological and developmental facts about 2 year olds. They are ego centric and learning to manage emotions and feelings. I suggest the OP looks this up and gets off her high horse.

In RL, say "my child isn't doing that yet" to avoid embarrassment. They will hit that particular milestone in their own time.

Congratulations yay for you

Honestly OP, just stop while you're only moderately behind. Stuff like this never ages well, and you'll look back one day and be embarrassed about it. You might be a good parent, you might not be, no one on here really cares, and you don't have to justify your parenting techniques to anyone else.

The most insecure people I know constantly seek validation about their decisions or suggest that other people aren't doing things 'right' to make themselves feel better. Be confident in your own parenting and worry less about what others are doing and stop assuming that your very limited experience is representative. Children are individuals with personalities, and no amount of 'parenting' will change that.

Bad behaviour at 2-3 is often linked to IQ. The higher it is, often the worse the behaviour.

By the way I never said my kids never had tantrums. They absolutely do! But I don't yell at them for it or get exasperated by it, that's just small children expressing themselves as they lack the communication skills

The “terrible” thing about the terrible two’s is the tantrums. You can’t reason with a two (or 1 or 3 year old in tantrum mode). They tantrum for unreasonable reasons ie They want the car/teddy/doll/dolls house ... or whatever they have seen in a shop. You say “No. not today” they have a full blown tantrum. You make them dinner. They don’t want that dinner. You tell them “We don’t have yogurt, chicken dippers”....or whatever it is they are demanding instead. They have a full blown tantrum. They see a child with a balloon. They want a balloon. You tell them “We’ll get a balloon next time we go to the funfair” (or whatever). They lie on the floor, screaming with rage.

Two year olds are egotistical. They only think about what they want. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Smearing cream over the furniture, dropping eggs out of the fridge, or writing on walls whilst you are having a wee, making lunch, folding the laundry is developmental. There is nothing “terrible” about a two (or 1 or 3 year old) developmental stage.

Annoying, time consuming yes. Terrible, nope.

I didn’t yell at mine for tantrumming either. It’s not worth it. It doesn’t get you anywhere.

(And I post that as someone who does have an easygoing toddler who so far isn't particularly interested in destruction and is very even tempered but that's fuck all to do with my parenting That's just her personality. She gets it from her dad, not me!)

A huge amount of how children is how they are patented

@PrincessHoneysuckle we had shaky sevens and are now in enjoyable eights with one of ours - I’m hoping this lasts 😂

We all get the ‘terrible’ at some age , maybe yours are waiting till they are teenagers !

That assertion is simply not true about IQ and behaviour. Some children who are poorly behaved are unable to express themselves and have a low IQ. It is likely very bright children do have an earlier command of language and can express their needs coherently and understand the responses. There are lots of tests that show very bright DC are content to solve puzzles, play with something for a long time and, as long as their needs are met, they do not behave worse than any other DC.

😂 OMG ! You lot are horrible. Don't you understand that the OP is a flipping genius and you lot, well what can I say.
OP, Thanks for the laugh 😂😂. I'm a parent, grandparent, former child minder, have seen every single one of these behaviours in children from ages 11 months to about 17years. But I bow to your wonderful skills and extensive knowledge. If I had a hat I'd take it off to you. Here have a medal from one of the mere mortals. 🏅.
Everyone else, you are doing amazing especially in the present circumstances. For all those who think you're failing do your best. That's all any of us can do. 🍷🍻🍫🍰.

I have two DD - dd1 LOVES the rules, we never needed a stair gate or cupboard locks as if we said no she accepted it. Her language is incredible and she’s extremely thoughtful, but a rule follower. dD2 is a whole different kettle of fish - we say “no”, she hears “go”!! She’s only 14 months and has already caused far more “damage” than DD3! They are both amazing but
I worry a lot more in later life about DD1. I want them to be able to challenge and question tiles and boundaries. I want them to think outside the box and push forward in life and strive for change if they don’t believe in something.
I worry for your kids - not to mention the fact they have an enormously judgey smug parents who clearly thinks they’re above everyone else. That more than anything else is what the issue is here

By the way I never said my kids never had tantrums. They absolutely do! But I don't yell at them for it or get exasperated by it, that's just small children expressing themselves as they lack the communication skills. As for being "arseholes" or naughty or misbehaving or hitting me or biting other children? No, none of that.

@maybemaybeII

Well, well done for not getting exasperated. I strongly suspect that a lot of mums (myself included) don't yell at tantruming toddlers, but it can be verrrry hard not to feel frustrated and powerless in the face of it, especially if you have somewhere urgent to go/something important to do. Yes, it's a developmental stage, but that doesn't make it not annoying! Venting on SM is probably a preferable way to deal with those frustrations than shouting at the kids.

FWIW, DS1 was fairly easy going until just past 2. Quite cautious, so didn't do any dangerous stuff, very easily placated etc. His speech was good for his age so perhaps he was able to express his wants/needs better than some. Then came the "I do it BY MYSELF!" phase, which obviously you want to encourage as much as you can, but not if it's dangerous or if they just can't bloody do it (his car seat buckle was our nemesis). Sometimes you just have to take over, and that didn't always go well. I was also pregnant at the time so hormones making my emotional response perhaps more labile. Still didn't yell at him, managed the situation as calmly and respectfully as I can, but may have called him a dick to my WhatsApp mum group. He's 3.5 and I can reason with him better now, but still has his moments...

DS2 has just turned one and I can already tell that we're going to have more "incidents" related to his explorer tendencies - he's already eaten one of my flipflops and will pull stuff out of cupboards if the doors are left open. He is very frustrated that he can't walk, while DS1 didn't walk till 19 months and never seemed very bothered by it. So I think he might be a more challenging toddler...

Stupidly came on Mumsnet in an attempt to cheer myself up after having an absolute *%^&ing nightmare time trying to get my toddler to sleep.

After three plus years it doesn't get old people shaming me for being the reason he's a shocking sleeper, despite the tens of thousands of dollars I've spent on paediatric specialist appointments, sleep studies, sleep schools, independent sleep consultants, white noise, blockout blinds and everything else you could imagine that have come to nothing.

Your post is yet another cherry on the top. Thanks, OP.

Here's an idea, why don't you jot down your words of wisdom so all of us shit parents can benefit. You'll be a squillionaire. I shall have to pass your details onto my poor brother whose severely violent autistic son is making him age exponentially before my very eyes.

Well done you.

They are 2.5yrs and 16m

Also,

Starting a thread on the back of someone else having a rough time of it so you can show off about your perfectly behaved toddlers under the guise of 'oh I just don't understand it, my children never do that!' is supremely shitty OP.

Let's hope that smugness doesn't bite you on the bum eh? My 2 year old was a cake walk. Until she turned 3.

I found the toddler years really hard work. Babies who stay where you put them? Great. 4+ age where they can speak and understand? They get so much easier. But man, that in between stage is tough. And when I was in the trenches with toddlers? I was young. I was a single mum for much of it. I was dealing with physical and mental health issues, money worries, relationship breakdown. I didn’t have the tools to cope wonderfully. So yes, in a roundabout way, part of it is parenting, but it’s also luck, and circumstances, and so much more.
for anyone struggling today. x

Wait till the 16 month old gets turns two and they egg each other on.

Do you think you might be able to accept the crazy notion that not all children are the same?

Mind blowing I know.

"I'm surprised children are drawing on walls when mine are rarely out of my sight."

I actually encouraged it when he has shown me what he did proudly. Some of the writings and drawings were so good, I felt sad when I had to paint over it few years later.( after taking photo of it.)