There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

Well this is awkward... My LO has always been high spirited and strong minded since the day she was born. She’s nearly one and my goodness is already throwing tantrums and pushing her boundaries. This morning alone I had to chase her round the room as she thinks it’s for my benefit to clean her dirty bum all the while she is throwing a tantrum and crying ... then when I did clean it (which btw took a good 15 minutes) she proceeded to pee on the floor before I got her nappy on! Then another tantrum as I wouldn’t let her put her fingers in said pee - this was all before half 7. Her last cry was about 30 minutes ago as we took the batteries out of the remote and the play/pause button wouldn’t work and she knows what it normally does. But and this is a big but I wouldn’t change her for the world she is so strong minded and independent and we never have a dull moment. I genuinely believe her tantrums are because she doesn’t like feeling restricted and she gets frustrated with her limitations.

All the babies I’ve met are completely different and I genuinely believe they are born with their personalities and some are just more naturally challenging than others!

Come back when they are older.

I have five children. The first four slept through the night by the time they were 6 weeks old. There were nights I had to wake them up for feeds. I thought I had some special parenting skill until number 5 was born... she never slept, she cried all the time, and didn't sleep through the night for years. I just got lucky with the first four.

A few of mine didn't go through the 'terrible twos' but they went through the 'fucking fours'. My oldest daughter was a very easy child, never had tantrums or anything, until she hit age 11 and the hormones flooded in.

I am embarrassed for you OP that you have these opinions when you have only experienced 2.5 years of parenting.

I find the brighter the chid, the more terrible the twos. And the tantrums start earlier too, about 18 months.

AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit?

Yes, you are. But well done you for congratulating yourself on your parenting skills. Hope your 16 month old enjoyed her chocolate pastry for breakfast.

My 3 year olds main tantrums are from not letting him watch TV and eat chocolate! So if he wants to have a tantrum because I won't let him watch TV, I'm not going to give in and let him watch TV? FWIW I have no issue with TV for kids in general, but it turns mine into a demon so we try and limit it as much as possible (although it's been a lot more since lockdown )

They are 2.5yrs and 16m

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dc were angels until 3.5 I thought I'd cracked it then they started pre-school and grew horns and a forked tail.
Cue six months of horrendous behaviour.

All I'm saying op is that it's much too early to start the smug bragging..... their version of the "terrible two's" will happen at some point.

This was cringe to read OP. Those behaviours are actually a normal and healthy part of phycological development. Exploring the world, understanding cause and effect, all this stuff. Good for you that your kids will sit mindlessly watching Hey Duggee - mine will too. But I'd rather a but of perfectly normal behaviour outside of TB time too- 2 year olds do not draw on the walls because they know it's naughty and they want to be naughty- they do it to explore their environment.

This OP is ridiculous. Both smug about your parenting and judgemental toward others but completely ignorant of child development at the same time.

Also BS about the "lies with the parent". Obviously some parents are not as dedicated as others but my DD, the eldest, is an angel child. She was the perfect picture of a well behaved little girl. My middle son us much more willful, much more inclined to do stuff I would rather him not to, and much more difficult to manage. Differently behaved children need to be managed differently. Not all children are the same the way not all adults were the same. I knew my son was very different from my daughter the day he was born. I love him the same and parent him according to his personality. Perhaps if DD was my only child I'd be as smug as you

I have 4. All grown up now. The first 3 certainly hit the ‘terrible twos’ stage. Two now are married with their own families and in professional jobs. One went off to a London University and has stayed there, independently. He is also in a highly paid job.

Number 4 was a delightful baby, toddler and primary aged child. But my God did she start pushing boundaries at around age 9/10. She is now nearing 20 and her teenage tantrums would kick any 2 year olds tantrums out of the park! She was an easy toddler but a fucking nightmare teen!

It’s lucky you can’t foresee the future OP.

None of my three girls did any of what you describe but they were still darn hard work. Wait for the feral 5's, sassy and sarky 6 & 7.

Kids don't have to be destroying things to be hard work.

Twos were fine. Come back next year op and be sure to let us know how you get on with your 'threenagers' 😂

But on a serious note, I'd rather hear that people have the self control to walk away for 5 mins, as opposed to yelling and smacking - wouldn't you?

OP has gone

So many unkind/sarcastic posts.

Like the OP I could have written this exact post.

I also had many random strangers come up to me when we were out and about and tell me what well behaved children we had. (Not all on the same day - before the sarcastic comments start. )

My FIL's second wife has known my children from birth and has often compared her own daughters' children with mine and commented on how well behaved my children were and that I 'escaped lightly' with regards to unwanted behaviour (her words).

My children have their own very young families now.

Prove the link between tantrums and intelligence PP.

YANBU OP

Long may it continue.

You must have pretty long arms to be able to pat yourself on the back like this.

I had four children. Only one of them had temper tantrums. I was lucky. I remember my sister in law saying "You're so lucky. One of these days you'll have a normal toddler"
The terrible twos isn't something made up, or an excuse for poor parenting, it's a part of emotional development . Just because you've been lucky with your children, does not mean that you're a better parent than my granddaughter, whose children are 12 months apart and definitely going through the terrible twos! And I was definitely not a better mother than my sister in law, whose two boys both went through it.

@Iknitknickknacks the OP was on another thread putting the boot into someone who was struggling and asking for help. Then went off and started a TAAT about how great she is compared to those awful shouty mums.

Neither my 2 wrote on walls or got into my make up, but oh boy did they throw tantrums.

I have a 16 y/oand I a 20 y/o and I am sitting here laughing atvthe smugness and the silliness of the OP.
Just you wait......

I have 3 DC, my two older DC had me genuinely wondering what all the fuss was about with the terrible twos. Roll on DC 3 who is very much making up for the fact that DCs 1&2 never seemed to have the terrible twos. It’s given me a massive crisis of confidence as a parent, as I realise that I was just lucky with my eldest two.

Terrible twos is a very important developmental stage. There is a reason why two year olds can be so defiant and it’s part of the learning process and about them discovering their place in the world and learning boundaries. Having a trying toddler is no reflection on ones parenting abilities.

I was also a smug parent with my DS1. It must have been my superior parenting skills. Then I had DS2. Oh my fucking god! Nothing worked and I had to learn a completely different way to parent him.

You have been lucky, OP, that’s all. Oh, and for me it was terrible threes rather than twos.

I feel sorry for you, parenting toddlers who are so bland and seemingly devoid of any independent thought or personality must be horrendous.

Cross post @Lillygolightly. I also have DS3, he was a dream! With him I had experience of parenting DS1, then new skills from parenting DS2!

I would like to add that I am dreading my 7 month old becoming a toddler as he already has an unerring instinct for danger and delights in moving towards it as fast as he can crawl. Wires, the fireplace, the toilet duck wand in the bathroom... The list goes on.

@Happymum12345

I find the brighter the chid, the more terrible the twos. And the tantrums start earlier too, about 18 months.

Oh I'm so proud then that my DD started the tantrums at 11 months old, you've made me day there

Also my children are wonderfully behaved when out. I don't know why there are people thinking that being well behaved and sometimes doing "naughty" things are mutually exclusive. Like theres nothing in between a perfect quiet little angel child and a little devil.

My middle son is very very sweet. I know I'm their mum but I also get compliments when I'm in public with them, mainly on their happiness. He still likes to tip stuff out a lot, but again, this isn't naughtiness in the way people are making out. As I and several others on the thread have pointed out, it is a perfectly normal developmental phase.