There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

According to my mum, my sister and I did not have tantrums/ terrible twos etc. I do remember doing naughty things as I got older, just to investigate! And boy did I do some naughty things!! I have 4 kids and they have all gone through toddlerhood differently but it was very exhausting, I do remember that.

The only thing I would say is (and I am not being rude, just finding out)- are your children getting the opportunity to engage in messy/ risky (within limits) play? They do sound very sedate. It might of course be very normal but I would definitely check with the Health Visitor if it carries on. They should want to explore and want to begin to take risks, at some point in infancy/ childhood anyway. It helps to develop the frontal lobes and is incredibly important in terms of child development.

My 16 year old never had tantrums and now is really laid back and cheerful. He's been the easiest child to bring up.

My 13 year old. Er not quite the same. I'm sure he had a daily tantrum between 2 and 4.

Children are different shock.
The comment someone upthread made about being concerned if their child didn't tantrum was ridiculous though. Some kids are just more laid back.

I'd think it unusual for toddlers not to have tantrums, it's all about having to learn to control their will, frustration at not being to do everything they want to do, not being able to have everything by they want, not having the vocabulary to express their needs etc. It's the transition from being a baby, where their every need is met on demand to learning that sometimes they need to wait, that the care giver won't immediately anticipate their needs etc. It's a huge shift in their life experience and they don't understand it. It can be managed with diversion, encouraging speech, negotiation etc but I found it to be bloody hard work at times and occasionally the only way to stop it was to just let them scream it out. Like the transition from childhood to teenage years, or from teenage to adult, some struggle more than others. Saying it doesn't exist us on a par with saying you don't believe that some teenagers don't struggle with mental health issues in transitioning to adulthood, and that would clearly be not true.

Well done hun. You are amazing and everyone with a different experience is really just a bad parent

Er, well done?

Wait till they get teenagers you will be pulling your hair out

They've never drawn on the walls
My DS never drew on the walls, but my DD was always drawing on everything and as she got older she drew on herself, doesnt do it now at 22 though, She is not particularly artistic so cant really say it was a sign of anything.
They both had tantrums but they were great teenagers and lovely adults.
Tantrums are something children need to work through their system and all this distracting nowadays probably doesnt do them much good as they never learn to work through the frustrations they are going through and come out the end of it and know everything is alright

Just adding in a slow clap

👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

Haha haha, just read the ages of your kids, my first was wonderful until she hit 3, my first a grumpy tantrumer from before 2. Good luck buttercup. Also mine rarely watch cartoons, our eldest has to earn them (she's 7 and 1 chore earns 5 minutes of cartoons) so maybe if I was a little more like you and put the tv on as a babysitter my kids wouldn't scribble on the wall while I cook tea, hey! Chocolate for breakfast for littlies?? Maybe you are super relaxed so miss out on tantrums by rarely saying no?

Being superior wont get you anything but abuse on here, are you looking for attention?

Apparently I didn’t have tantrums as a kid and was an absolute delight. . .

I also nearly got kicked out of school as a teenager, was into alcohol and weed and pushed my mother nearly to breaking point.

I would urge caution as to think that you have it all in hand, OP. Things can change very dramatically in a few years.

My DS (almost 2) has daily tantrums and is pretty difficult at times, but I’m ok with that because I think that the vast majority of kids need to blow off some steam in order to learn how to manage their emotions when they get older.

I'd love to have given you my adhd child as a toddler . My younger ones were perfect children- until.they turned 4. So good luck

You should deffo publish your findings in Nature. This is quite the breakthrough.

Well I thought you were judgemental and toady before but now I’ve seen the original thread you’re clearly referring to and now I think even less of you, OP.

FWIW I didn’t have tantrums with mine, but I didn’t come to MN and smugly rub everyone’s faces in it. People come here to find empathy because they don’t have anyone IRL to say these things to.

HTH.

I obviously meant ‘goady’ but it autocorrected and I think ‘toady’ is actually fine in this case

Two was a doddle. Three year olds are arseholes. Good luck OP. You're about to get schooled

@Raaaa

I guess I'll have a bland humourless kid then

Don't worry...my “easy” toddler is now 16, and is FAR from bland and humourless!

I understand what you mean re rooms trashed with flour/paint/make up. Mine never did this either simply because they were never left unsupervised long enough in a room with flour/pain/make up.
But the tantrums... definitely happens!

Well done OP. You get the parenting award for 2020. Add it to your collection of most smug and judgemental awards also. Let us know when your parenting book is published. I'll be sure to buy it 🙄

This is clearly a very goady post and you seemed to have disappeared from it. Attitudes like yours are the reason lots of parents struggle. Hurtful and judgemental statements are not supportive to fellow parents. All children are different. Parents with multiple children can attest to that. Some kids are easy going, others are chalk. Luck of the draw.

My 3 children were fairly reasonable toddlers . There were no problems as teens and they now have families of there own. We are all similar personalities, very laid back, as are their partners. Of my 8 GCs, all raised in the the same way, one is a terror. Her older brother was the most placid out of all of them.

Children are terrible, full stop. Luckily for mine, I'm fairly attached to them now.

So because you haven’t experienced it, you’ve concluded it doesn’t exist.

Based on a sample size of ... two

One of whom isn’t even in the age bracket.

Do try to engage the brain before you post next time OP. It’ll go much better.

It must be that you are a better mother, and indeed an better person, 5an everyone else in the population.

Your children are blessed angels who would grow into mighty leaders.

My child is also superior and I'm pretty great too.

My eldest was a very calm toddler. No terrible 2's or 3's.

At 7 she started drawing on the walls and throwing wet toilet paper at the ceiling.... obviously knows better.