Men staring at my breasts

[comeagaintomorrow]

I'm just fed up of pretty much every man I pass on the street staring at my boobs. Should I put up with this?

With the weather having been a little warmer, naturally I've wanted to wear things a little cooler. But I'm not going out with my tits spilling out! Just crop tops, etc.

Can't we expect better?!

I think a lot of people are on the wind up tbh.

If it's a fact that men are going to stare/ ogle and there's nothing to be done

And that nothing can be done

Where does that leave us?

For me it started at about 13. I always felt deeply uncomfortable. I used to walk past building sites on the way to school and men working would stop and just stare. Watch me. It felt very intimidating.

My DD is 10 and 5'4. She has long blonde hair and her body is developing. Men stare. Openly look her up and down. Is this ok? A natural response in people (men)? If not why not? When does it become ok?

Creepy men really like girls in school uniform. As a result lots of uniform rules keep changing. No knee high socks at my other DD school. Girls aged 11-16. Why? Because men thinks it looks sexy is why.

For those who say it's natural and a compliment. Where do you draw the line?

For me it always felt instrusive and threatening. Like they were looking at a nice steak or something. Dehumanising. Lots of girls and women feel that way. Should we tell these girls it's normal and they should feel flattered and nothing can be done? A 12 yo walking past a group of men who all go silent and stare?

I really can't understand the response to this thread.

@AliasGrape

I didn't mention anything about any part of anatomy, power imbalance, rape culture, male glaze, flattery, or anything else you mentioned.

I asked,

What would you suggest if the poster were male, and gave examples of the clothing involved? That was what I asked.

Do not add anything, at all, to my question please.

If you would like to ask a question yourself, please do. Do not attempt to distort mine.

Namesnames If the poster were male and hot and wore revealing clothing. Yes we would look.

Also shinyfootball this isn't about girls but about adult women. There is a big difference. Nothing wrong with adult women appreciating being admired without you distorting it.

But staring at boobs is not limited to adult women . So where is the line? When dies it cross over from creepy to acceptable? 14? 16? 18? When. What is disgusting at 23.59 that is suddenly a compliment at 00.00.01?

Urgh, I agree that it's intimidating. I'v been followed, chatted up whilst having a drink with my dad, shouted at etc. Never once did it make me feel good about myself, the opposite in fact.
I'd imagine most women own those vests, shame on the men who can't stop themselves staring or making comments.

@Dragonembroidery you’re not a lesbian despite even having a fair few lesbian friends? Wow - I wasn’t aware it was catching.

@Dragonembroidery

The OP didn't say she was hot. She mentioned men looking at her boobs whilst wearing a crop top, which turned out to be a strappy vest type top.

She asked if we could expect better.

What makes it different for women to look at men in a similar type top?

Crop tops show an indecent amount of belly fat

I haven't got any belly fat to show. Indecent or otherwise.

'Also shinyfootball this isn't about girls but about adult women. There is a big difference. Nothing wrong with adult women appreciating being admired without you distorting it.'

That's not an answer. It starts when you're very young. Many posters here saying ignore it/ get over it/ not a problem/ it's a compliment etc

At what age does it turn from creepy/ instrusive and possibly threatening to aok and marvelous? I'll need to tell my DD's the exact age when it stops being wrong and starts being great. And if they don't like it they need to dress differently (tricky in school uniform).

If it happens in a meeting, it apparently stops if you say "my face is here!"

Not that I've dared try it, though plenty of us fantasised about it.

That sucks. We should expect better. But do have to say I'm 25 with a DD and don't notice anyone looking at my boobs? Even when in smaller tops. Are you in a small town/village or something? Sounds a bit odd to me. Do you wear plunge tops (totally your right if you want to):

(Either way not your fault and not ok).

Most men love boobs. The end...

@namesnames

What on earth are you talking about? I know you didn’t mention those things - you ignored them as if irrelevant to the issue and presented your question as if a man (not a male - a male what?) asking the question would be in the exact same position as the OP - a woman. That is not the case BECAUSE a woman is more vulnerable, BECAUSE of the power imbalance and rape culture and the idea that men can’t help themselves and women must secretly like it or be asking for it. The OP asked about the possibility of confronting starers- something more women are likely to feel uncomfortable or scared about than hypothetical men in the same position because - however harmless the starers might actually be - statistically men pose a far greater physical threat to women than the other way around and women are aware of that.

So I don’t think a man asking the same question would be in the same position at all.

Your question was disingenuous and sheer whataboutery. Men generally aren’t shamed for what they wear in the same way as women and it’s women who are told they have to police the ‘natural’ and unavoidable instincts of men to look/comment/ grope/ rape by dressing differently and behaving differently.

I get that you’re trying to get me to say ‘oh if it was a man I’d tell him to change his clothing’ in some clever ‘gotcha’ that reveals me as a two-faced misandrist but unfortunately I wouldn’t tell a man that either. I absolutely answered your question in my last post without distorting it - I told you exactly what I’d say to a man in the situation, sorry it wasn’t ‘cover up dear you must like it secretly or else you’re a mirthless shrew and you’re asking for it wearing a skimpy vest top anyway’ to prove your point. To reiterate I said I’d tell a man that I’m sorry, it’s shitty being stared at and made to feel uncomfortable.

We should all now say if we have ever checked out below a man's belt and above his knees. ...

We should all now say if we have ever checked out below a man's belt and above his knees. ...

It’s not about ‘checking out’ though. If someone ‘checked out’ my breasts I wouldn’t care, and probably not notice. That’s very different to someone staring at them while you’re walking past. Men walking around where OP is walking around must be obviously gaping for her to frequently notice. It’s rude and it’s cringeworthy - imagine your partner or your brother or your dad doing that to someone? It would be mortifying to know they were behaving that way! It’s really not ok.

Same here. Gg cups. I’ve just got used to it. Women look aswell but I don’t really cover them up I quite like them!

I think boobs are nice to look at and I will look if they're on display, I also look at tattoos

Sorry posted too soon.

I’m not sure what the solution is. You can’t stop people from looking and you shouldnt have to cover up, and I doubt people would look less if you did, they’re there.

If someone properly peeves I would say something. Have you got a dp? If so what does he do when they do it? Mine would knock them out!

If I have done that, am I a bad person? Sometimes it just sort of jumps out at one, as it were ☺️

I dont have big boobs but I got started at non-stop from 13 to 22. When I was 11 I was in a very crowded street walking with my family when I had my ass pinched. By 16 I was so used to it that I hardly noticed it anymore. By 28 I started getting ignored and started missing the disgusting ogling.

I pray to God that I won't birth a daughter into this freakshow we call society.

I'm top heavy, I always have been. I don't wear revealing or low cut tops, I never have done.
However, I don't give a fig who looks or stares. I can't stop them looking so I just go about my daily life without the drama.

If someone properly peeves I would say something. Have you got a dp? If so what does he do when they do it? Mine would knock them out

"Oi! Did you look at my bird?"

I don’t mean just looking I mean properly ogling.

Ogling is rude. Some men just don't seem to have any social filters.

Thiss reminds me. There was a post on Twitter a couple of years ago where a topless woman was wandering around a festival site. She was complaining that men were looking at her.

Well. It's just a body part. What if they just looked at your legs. Would that be different?honest question

Also... Men only look at boobs so much because they had their own mums boobs in their mouth for the first years of their lives. Maybe throw that fact in their face hahaha.

I just to have double Ds and got stares all the time as I was a size 8. But I either just got on with it or just dressed differently. The problem with big boobs is, no matter how little cleavelage you show: It is always going to be huge and obvious if you are blessed with big boobs.

So yeah. Dunnow really. They (man) are not going to change. So I guess you should. Either in mind or in clothes.

Also: if I see a woman with huge nice boobs... I look too